Softening Commands

A bare command in Portuguese — fala, dá-me, faz — is grammatically correct but can sound surprisingly blunt, even rude, between people who do not know each other well. In Portugal, politeness is woven so tightly into everyday requests that speakers almost never use a bare imperative with a stranger, a shopkeeper, or anyone older or of higher status. What they use instead is a whole toolkit of softening strategies: se faz favor, question forms, conditionals, importa-se de..., queria... — each with its own register and its own social meaning.

This page is a practical guide to the Portuguese art of not sounding bossy. Mastering these patterns is as important as mastering the imperative itself, because in real interactions you will use softened forms more often than bare commands.

The two Portuguese signatures: se faz favor and faz favor

If there is one phrase that marks Portuguese as Portuguese (as opposed to Brazilian), it is se faz favor. Literally "if it does you a favor," structurally "if you please," it is the default polite marker in Portugal. The shorter version faz favor is equally characteristic, and carries an even warmer, more everyday feel.

• Por favor — universal Portuguese; used in both EP and BR, no regional marking.
• Se faz favor — characteristically EP. Slightly more formal than faz favor. Used constantly in shops, cafes, banks.
• Faz favor — characteristically EP, warmer and more colloquial. Used between equals and in casual settings.

Note that se faz favor and faz favor can come either before or after the command. After is more common, especially with longer sentences:

Questions instead of commands

One of the most common Portuguese strategies for softening a command is to turn it into a question — specifically, a question using the 2sg or 3sg present indicative. This is structurally identical to Spanish ¿me pasas la sal? or English could you pass the salt?

• Dá-me o sal. (command, direct) — "Give me the salt."
• Passas-me o sal? (2sg present, question intonation) — "Will you pass me the salt?"
• Pode passar-me o sal? (modal question with poder) — "Can you pass me the salt?"

Notice that in Portuguese, a present-tense statement with rising intonation functions as a soft request. The same sentence passas-me a água with falling intonation is a straightforward statement ("you'll pass me the water"), which only makes sense in a narrative context. The question intonation — and the context — converts it to a request.

This pattern is very natural in EP, especially with tu. Between friends and family, you will hear passas-me...? far more often than you hear passa-me!.

Modal question with poder: "can you / could you"

Poder is the workhorse of polite requests in Portuguese. Used as a modal (podes, pode) plus an infinitive, it constructs a perfectly polite version of almost any command.

Importa-se de — "would you mind?"

For extra politeness — the kind used with strangers, older people, or in slightly formal settings — Portuguese has the beautiful construction importa-se de + infinitive, literally "does it matter to you to..." (i.e., "would you mind...?"). The tu equivalent is importas-te de.

• Importa-se de fechar a janela? — "Would you mind closing the window?"
• Importas-te de me emprestar o lápis? — "Would you mind lending me the pencil?"

Notice the clitic se / te attaches to importar with a hyphen (enclisis in affirmative). When negated (very rare with this construction), the clitic moves forward: não se importa de...? But affirmative is the standard form.

This construction is the Portuguese equivalent of the extremely polite English "would you be so kind as to..." — it signals genuine deference and is excellent for navigating tricky social situations.

Queria — the polite "I want"

One of the most distinctively Portuguese politeness markers is the use of queria (imperfect of querer, "I wanted") where English would say "I want" or "I'd like." Saying quero ("I want") to order a coffee sounds direct, even demanding. Saying queria ("I wanted") softens the request into something like "I'd like."

The logic: putting the desire into the past tense (queria rather than quero) distances the speaker from the force of the wanting. It is no longer "I want this right now" but "I was wanting this, if that's alright." English does something similar with I wanted to ask or I was wondering.

Queria is ubiquitous in shops, cafes, restaurants, and any situation where you are placing an order or making a request. Using quero in these contexts marks you as either tourist-naive or deliberately abrupt.

The conditional: podias, poderia, gostaria

The conditional mood — or the imperfect used conditionally — adds another layer of politeness in Portuguese. You will hear these forms constantly in customer service, formal correspondence, and careful requests.

The last example shows mesoclisis — clitic inserted in the middle of a future or conditional verb form. This is the formal written standard; in speech, most people avoid it and use importava-se de or rephrase.

The full politeness hierarchy

Here is a ranked list of ways to say "pass me the salt," from most direct to most polite:

Between close friends or family, level 1-2 is completely normal and warm. Between acquaintances or colleagues, 3-5 is the sweet spot. Between strangers or in formal contexts, 5-7 is appropriate. Level 8 is reserved for situations where you want to signal genuine deference or where you feel you are imposing.

Equivalent levels exist for você (using passar-me, pode, podia, importa-se de) when addressing a stranger or in a formal context.

Contrast with Brazilian politeness

Brazilian Portuguese uses largely the same politeness markers, but with some notable differences:

• Por favor is standard in BR; se faz favor and faz favor sound foreign or archaic.
• BR tends to use você for almost everyone, where EP reserves it for more formal contexts.
• BR often uses você pode
  • infinitive where EP might use podes/pode more flexibly.
• The construction importa-se de is used in both, though less frequent in BR.

Desculpe — the universal opener

Before many polite requests, Portuguese speakers open with desculpe (você form, "excuse me / sorry") or desculpa (tu form). This signals politeness at the outset and makes the subsequent request feel less intrusive.

Omitting desculpe when stopping a stranger in the street to ask for directions would feel abrupt. Desculpe is the auditory equivalent of a polite tap on the shoulder.

Softening negative commands

Because negative commands are inherently more face-threatening than affirmative ones (you are telling someone to stop or not do something), they especially benefit from softening.

Notice the last three examples use the imperfect subjunctive (fumasses, chegasses) inside a polite frame. This is a sophisticated way of making a request without sounding accusatory, and it is very natural in EP.

Há/Havia + infinitive — "would it be possible to..."

A formal, slightly old-fashioned softener used in professional and formal contexts: haveria / havia ("would there be...") + de + infinitive.

This is not for everyday speech — it sits in the register of emails, letters, and formal meetings. But it is worth recognizing when you meet it.

Warming a command with endearments

Between family and close friends, adding a term of endearment or a softening particle warms a command without formally softening it:

The particle lá — untranslatable on its own — adds a tone of friendly insistence or gentle emphasis. It is impossible to pin down in English translation but instantly recognizable to a Portuguese ear.

Real dialogue — politeness in action

Here is a short restaurant interaction that uses a mix of politeness strategies:

Cliente: Boa tarde, queria uma mesa para duas pessoas, se faz favor. Empregado: Com todo o gosto. Importam-se de aguardar dois minutos? Estamos só a preparar a vossa mesa. Cliente: Claro, não há problema.

(Two minutes later)

Empregado: Queiram seguir-me, por favor. Cliente: Obrigado. Empregado: Estas são as ementas. Posso trazer-vos entretanto algo para beber? Cliente: Uma garrafa de água com gás, se faz favor, e dois copos de vinho tinto. Empregado: Com certeza. Volto já.

Notice how many softeners are stacked: queria, se faz favor, importam-se de, queiram, posso..., com certeza. None of the requests is a bare imperative, and yet the interaction flows naturally. This is the texture of polite Portuguese.

Common Mistakes

Using quero to place an order marks you as either abrupt or inexperienced with the local politeness norms. Queria is the universal polite "I'd like."

Bare commands with strangers come across as rude. Use podia + infinitive or importa-se de + infinitive when addressing someone you do not know.

In EP, enclisis with affirmative commands is non-negotiable. Even when softened with por favor, the pronoun still attaches to the end of the verb with a hyphen.

Instead of combining the word você with an imperative, reach for a question with pode — which is genuinely polite and omits the sometimes-cold você.

For negative commands, use the subjunctive (não fumes) or reframe as an importas-te de question.

Drop the subject pronoun eu (unnecessary in Portuguese anyway), swap quero for queria, and add se faz favor. The sentence becomes a well-formed polite request.

Key takeaways

• Se faz favor and faz favor are distinctively Portuguese (vs por favor, which is pan-Portuguese but less EP-flavored).
• Polite requests often use the question form of the present indicative: passas-me...?, dás-me...?.
• Poder + infinitive is the workhorse polite construction: podes, pode, podias, poderia.
• Queria (imperfect of querer) is the universal polite "I'd like" for ordering and requesting.
• Importa-se de + infinitive is the Portuguese "would you mind...?" — very polite.
• The conditional / imperfect adds softness: podias, poderia, gostaria, seria.
• Opening with desculpe or desculpa makes any request feel less intrusive.
• In EP, bare commands with strangers sound rude; the softened forms are the norm.

For the underlying command forms, see tu affirmative, você affirmative, and negative commands. For the broader picture of EP politeness, see the imperative overview.