El sirviente trajo un plato indigno. ¡Ni que me lo hubiera comido!

Questions & Answers about El sirviente trajo un plato indigno. ¡Ni que me lo hubiera comido!

Why do we use the past perfect subjunctive (hubiera comido) here instead of the imperfect subjunctive?
The phrase ¡ni que! always triggers the subjunctive because it introduces a strongly rejected or hypothetical reality. We use the past perfect subjunctive (hubiera comido) here because the rejected action (eating the dish) would have happened entirely in the past. If you wanted to reject a present or future idea (like "As if I would eat it!"), you would use the imperfect subjunctive (comiera).
Why is there a me in me lo hubiera comido?
This is an example of the verb comerse rather than just comer. In Spanish, adding a reflexive pronoun (like me for myself) to verbs of consumption emphasizes eating the whole thing, or eating it with gusto. Here, me pairs with the direct object lo (the dish) to add dramatic emphasis: "As if I had eaten it all up!"
How does ¡ni que! literally translate, and is it always used for this kind of tone?
Literally, it translates to something like "Not even that..." but in practice, it maps perfectly to the English "As if!" or "It's not like...". It is a set expression used specifically to express indignant rejection, disbelief, or sarcasm, so it always carries this defensive, dramatic tone.
Could I just say the dish was malo (bad) instead of indigno?
You could, but indigno (unworthy, or beneath one's dignity) fits the theatrical tone of the second sentence perfectly. Saying the dish was merely malo doesn't quite set up the same level of personal offense that leads to an explosive ¡Ni que! reaction.

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