Even an immortal creature of the night has standards. When a snobby vampire is offered a dusty coffin or a terrible vintage, a simple "no" won't do.
Sarcastic rejection: ¡Ni que!
To express indignant or sarcastic rejection, Spanish speakers use the phrase ¡ni que! (as if!). Because this phrase sets up a hypothetical or ridiculous scenario, it always triggers the subjunctive.
When scoffing at a present situation or an ongoing characteristic, use the imperfect subjunctive.
| I would not use that coffin. As if I were just any vampire! | No usaría ese ataúd. ¡Ni que fuera un vampiro cualquiera! |
| The servant must not bring it to me. As if I ate something disgusting! | El sirviente no debe traérmelo. ¡Ni que comiera algo asqueroso! |
| I do what I want. As if I drank from just any vein! | Hago lo que quiero. ¡Ni que bebiera de cualquier vena! |
Reacting to the past
For past events ("As if I had done that!"), use the past perfect subjunctive.
Form this with the imperfect subjunctive of haber (hubiera, hubieras, etc.) and a past participle.
| He offered me a dirty coffin. As if I had been just any vampire! | Me ofreció un ataúd sucio. ¡Ni que hubiera sido cualquier vampiro! |
| The servant brought an unworthy dish. As if I had eaten it! | El sirviente trajo un plato indigno. ¡Ni que me lo hubiera comido! |
Scoffing at others
You can use the exact same structure in the third person to indignantly reject rumors or expectations about someone else.
| As if the count would drink from a disgusting glass! | ¡Ni que el conde bebiera de un vaso asqueroso! |
| As if the count had slept in that dirty coffin! | ¡Ni que el conde hubiera dormido en ese ataúd sucio! |
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