Learn Hardcore Chinese: Wǒ guò shēngrì de shíhou bù xiǎng qù hěn dà de jùhuì, zhǐ xiǎng gēn jǐ gè péngyou ānjìng de chīfàn. - When I have my birthday I don’t want to go to big parties; I just want to eat quietly with a few friends.

Aspect marker 过 (placed after a verb)
- Example: 我去过中国。 – “I have been to China (at least once).”
- Structure: verb + 过
Verb 过 meaning “to pass; to spend; to celebrate (a festival/birthday)”
- Example: 过生日 / 过年 / 过节
- In your sentence, 我过生日的时候 literally = “when I celebrate (my) birthday”.

So here 过生日 is a verb-object phrase “celebrate birthday”, not “have ever had a birthday before”.

Why is there a 的 before 时候 in 我过生日的时候? Could I just say 我过生日时候?

The 的 is needed because 我过生日 is a clause that modifies 时候 (“time/when”).

Structure:

我过生日 = “I celebrate my birthday” (clause)
的 = marker that turns the clause into an attributive (a modifier)
时候 = “time / when”

So 我过生日的时候 literally = “the time when I celebrate my birthday”.

You normally must use 的 when a whole clause comes before 时候:

我小的时候 – when I was little
你来的时候 – when you came / when you come

Without 的, 我过生日时候 is ungrammatical in standard Mandarin.

What’s the difference between 的, 地, and 得, and why does this sentence use both 的 and 地?

All three are pronounced de, but they mark different grammar roles:

的
- Links modifiers to nouns
- Examples:
  - 很大的聚会 – a very big party (很大 modifies 聚会)
  - 我过生日的时候 – the time when I celebrate my birthday
地
- Links adjectives/adjectival phrases to verbs (adverb marker)
- Example: 安静地吃饭 – eat quietly
得
- Links verbs to complements (degree/result)
- Example: 吃得很快 – eat very fast

In your sentence:

很大的聚会 → adjective phrase + 的
- noun
安静地吃饭 → adjective + 地
- verb

In 很大的聚会, does 很 really mean “very”? Could I leave it out?

很 often doesn’t strongly mean “very” in everyday speech; it can simply function as a linker before an adjective, especially in simple “A is adj” type descriptions.

Here:

很大的聚会 = grammatically natural way to say “big parties”.
If you really want to emphasize “very”, you’d rely on context and tone of voice, or use a stronger word like 非常, 特别, etc.

You can say:

大的聚会 – “big parties” (still OK, just a bit more neutral or written-sounding)

But 很大的聚会 is very typical spoken Chinese and sounds smooth and natural. Whether it feels like “very” or just “quite / pretty / just big” depends on context and intonation.

Why is it 不想 and not 没有想? How does 想 work here?

Here 想 means “to want / to feel like (doing something)”.

不想 = “do not want to / don’t feel like (doing it)”
- 我不想去很大的聚会。 – I don’t want to go to big parties.

没有想 would literally be “did not think (about)” and is used for “to think / to have thought”, not “to want”:

我没有想太多。 – I didn’t think too much about it.

So when you mean “want / would like to”, you use 想 / 不想, not 有 / 没有.

What’s the difference between 想 and 要 for “want”? Could I say 我生日的时候不要去很大的聚会?

Both can mean “want”, but their feel is different:

想
- Softer, more about desire or preference
- Polite, often used like “would like to”
- 我不想去。 – I don’t feel like going / I’d rather not go.
要
- Stronger, more intentional or firm (“I’m going to / I insist on”)
- 我不要去。 – I don’t want to go / I refuse to go.

In your sentence, 不想 sounds natural and gentle:
我过生日的时候不想去很大的聚会 – “When it’s my birthday, I don’t really want to go to big parties.”

You can say 不要去, but it can sound more like strong refusal, depending on tone and context.

What exactly does 只 do in 只想跟几个朋友安静地吃饭? Where does it usually go in the sentence?

只 means “only / just” and usually goes before the verb or the part it limits.

In your sentence:

想 = “want to”
只想 = “only want to / just want to”

So:

只想跟几个朋友安静地吃饭
= “(I) only want to quietly have a meal with a few friends.”

Typical positions:

我只想休息。 – I only want to rest.
我只跟几个朋友吃饭。 – I only eat with a few friends.

If you moved 只, it would change what is limited:

我只跟几个朋友吃饭。 – I only (ever) eat with a few friends.
我跟几个朋友只吃饭。 – We only eat (and don’t do other things).

In your sentence, 只想 emphasizes that among all options, what you want is only that quiet meal with a few friends.

What does 跟 mean in 跟几个朋友安静地吃饭? Is it the same as 和?

Here 跟 means “with” (indicating accompaniment).

跟几个朋友吃饭 = “eat with a few friends”.

跟 and 和 overlap a lot:

Both can mean “and” or “with”:
- 我和他 / 我跟他 – he and I
- 跟朋友吃饭 / 和朋友吃饭 – eat with friends

Subtle differences:

跟 is very common in spoken Mandarin for “with”.
和 often sounds a bit more neutral/formal and is also common in writing and lists (A 和 B).

In this sentence, 跟几个朋友吃饭 is completely natural.

How does 几个 work here? About how many friends does 几个朋友 imply?

几 means “a few / several” and must be followed by a measure word:

几 + 个 + noun

So:

几个朋友 = “a few friends / several friends”.

Typical range:

In everyday speech, 几 usually implies about 2 to 9, but in many contexts people think 2–3, maybe 4–5. It’s vague by design.

Important points:

You can’t say 几朋友; you need a measure word: 几个朋友.
一点儿 is used for uncountable things or amounts (a little), while 几 + measure word is for countable items/people.

Why is it 安静地吃饭 and not something like 吃得很安静? What’s the difference?

Both patterns are possible but they are different structures:

安静地吃饭
- 安静 (quiet) + 地 (adverb marker) + 吃饭 (to eat a meal)
- Emphasizes the manner of the action: “eat quietly”.
吃得很安静
- 吃 (eat) + 得
  - 很安静 (very quiet)
- This is a verb + 得 + complement structure.
- Describes how the eating turns out / what it is like: “(they) eat in a very quiet way”.

In your sentence, you want a simple description of how you want to eat (quietly), so 安静地吃饭 is natural and concise.

You could also expand it stylistically:

跟几个朋友安安静静地吃饭 – “eat nice and quietly with a few friends.”

Why is it 去很大的聚会? Could I say 参加很大的聚会 instead?

Both are possible, but their focus is a bit different:

去很大的聚会
- 去 = “to go (to)”
- Focuses on going to/being at big parties.
- Very common in casual speech: “go to parties”.
参加很大的聚会
- 参加 = “to participate in / to attend”
- Slightly more formal, emphasizes participation in an event.

In normal conversation about birthday plans, 去很大的聚会 sounds very natural and colloquial.
参加聚会 would also be correct, just a bit more formal/“event-focused” in feel.

Why do we need the 的 in 很大的聚会? Could I say 很大聚会?

In Chinese, when an adjective (or adjective phrase) modifies a noun, you normally need 的 between them:

大
- 的
  - 聚会 → “big party”
很大
- 的
  - 聚会 → “a very big party”

The general rule:
> [adjective / adjective phrase] + 的 + [noun]

There are some short, very common adjectives (e.g. 大，小，好，多，少，长，短) that can sometimes appear without 的 in certain fixed or more literary/concise phrases, but:

很大聚会 without 的 sounds unnatural in modern standard spoken Chinese.
Here you should say 很大的聚会.

What’s the difference between 时候 and 时间? Why is it 过生日的时候 and not 过生日的时间?

Both relate to “time”, but they’re used differently:

时候
- Means “when / at the time (that)”
- Often followed by a clause describing what happens at that time
- Examples:
  - 我吃饭的时候 – when I eat
  - 你来的时候 – when you come
时间
- Means “time” as an amount / resource / period
- Examples:
  - 我没有时间。 – I don’t have time.
  - 有时间吗？ – Do you have time?

In your sentence, you mean “when it’s my birthday / on my birthday”, which is a time point / situation, so 时候 is the right choice:

我过生日的时候不想去很大的聚会。
– When I celebrate my birthday, I don’t want to go to big parties.

过生日的时间 would sound more like “the time period for (celebrating) my birthday”, which isn’t what you need here.

Is the overall word order 我过生日的时候不想去很大的聚会，只想跟几个朋友安静地吃饭 typical for Chinese? Could I move the time phrase?

Yes, the word order is very natural:

我过生日的时候 – when I have my birthday (time phrase)
不想去很大的聚会 – (I) don’t want to go to big parties
，只想跟几个朋友安静地吃饭。 – (I) only want to quietly eat with a few friends.

Typical Chinese pattern:

[subject] + [time phrase] + [adverb(s)] + [verb + object]

You can also put the time phrase at the beginning, as in the original, which is very common:

我过生日的时候，不想去很大的聚会。
过生日的时候，我不想去很大的聚会。

Both are fine. Putting the time phrase first (过生日的时候) slightly highlights the “when” as the setting, but both orders are standard.