For some Italian verbs, adding the reflexive -si doesn't mean "to oneself" — it changes what the verb means. Sometimes the shift is subtle (a slightly more personal, emotional shading); sometimes it's dramatic (a completely different sense). These pairs are unpredictable from English: an English speaker will almost never guess that aspettarsi means "to expect" when aspettare means "to wait for," because the two ideas are unrelated in English.
This page collects the most important pairs and explains the productive logic underneath them. Once you start hearing for it, you'll notice that the reflexive systematically adds personal involvement, intentional commitment, or completion of an action absorbed into the subject's experience. It's one of the great expressive resources of Italian, and using it well is what separates a B1 learner from a B2 one.
The major pairs at a glance
| Non-reflexive | Reflexive | Sense added |
|---|---|---|
| aspettare — to wait (for) | aspettarsi — to expect | mental anticipation, not physical waiting |
| sentire — to hear, to feel (with senses) | sentirsi — to feel (a way), to feel oneself | inner emotional/physical state |
| trovare — to find (something) | trovarsi — to be located, to find oneself in a situation | state of being somewhere or in a condition |
| decidere — to decide (something) | decidersi (a) — to make up one's mind | final personal commitment after hesitation |
| ricordare — to remember, to remind | ricordarsi (di) — to remember (personally) | more personal, more vivid recollection |
| dimenticare — to forget | dimenticarsi (di) — to forget (with regret) | emotional shading; speaker takes responsibility |
| bere — to drink | bersi — to drink down (with relish) | completion + personal enjoyment |
| mangiare — to eat | mangiarsi — to eat up | completion + savoring |
| fumare — to smoke | fumarsi — to smoke (a whole one, with pleasure) | completion + indulgence |
| tenere — to hold, to keep | tenersi — to hold oneself, to keep for oneself | self-orientation |
| godere — to enjoy (in general) | godersi — to savor, to fully enjoy (something specific) | active, personal enjoyment |
| prendere — to take | prendersi — to take on (a responsibility), to catch (an illness) | self-affecting acquisition |
We'll work through the most useful pairs in detail below.
Aspettare vs. aspettarsi: physical waiting vs. mental expectation
This is one of the most useful contrasts in the whole language because mistranslation is rampant.
- aspettare = to wait for someone/something physically arriving.
- aspettarsi (qualcosa / di) = to expect, to anticipate mentally. Often paired with what one expects to happen.
Aspetto Sara da mezz'ora — non risponde al telefono.
I've been waiting for Sara for half an hour — she's not answering her phone.
Mi aspettavo una risposta più gentile, sinceramente.
I was honestly expecting a kinder reply.
Non mi aspettavo di vederti qui!
I didn't expect to see you here!
Aspettiamo il treno delle nove.
We're waiting for the nine o'clock train.
Ci aspettavamo molto di più dal nuovo allenatore.
We were expecting a lot more from the new coach.
A useful test: if you can substitute to wait for in English, use aspettare. If you'd say to expect, use aspettarsi. They are not interchangeable.
Sentire vs. sentirsi: hearing/feeling outward vs. feeling within
Sentire is the verb for perception with the senses (hearing especially, but also feeling textures, smelling, tasting). Sentirsi turns inward: it describes how you feel — physically or emotionally.
Senti questa canzone, è bellissima.
Listen to this song, it's beautiful. (perception — outward)
Mi sento male, forse ho preso un raffreddore.
I feel unwell, maybe I've caught a cold. (state — inward)
Senti il profumo del basilico fresco?
Do you smell the fresh basil? (perception)
Come ti senti dopo l'operazione?
How do you feel after the surgery?
Mi sento un po' giù in questo periodo.
I'm feeling a bit down lately.
Sentirsi is also the standard reciprocal for "to be in touch": ci sentiamo presto (talk soon — literally "we hear each other soon"). See the reciprocal verbs page.
Trovare vs. trovarsi: to find vs. to be located / to find oneself
Trovare means to find something — the active verb of discovery. Trovarsi describes being located somewhere or finding oneself in a state or situation — the verb of being-in-a-place or being-in-a-circumstance.
Ho trovato le chiavi sotto il divano.
I found the keys under the sofa.
Il museo si trova in via Garibaldi, vicino alla stazione.
The museum is located on Via Garibaldi, near the station.
Mi trovo bene a Bologna, ho trovato subito amici.
I'm doing well in Bologna; I quickly made friends.
Si è trovata in una situazione molto difficile dopo il divorzio.
She found herself in a very difficult situation after the divorce.
Come ti trovi nel nuovo ufficio?
How are you finding the new office? / How do you like the new office?
The phrase trovarsi bene / male is essential conversational vocabulary: it asks whether someone is comfortable, happy, or at home in a place, job, or situation. There is no clean English equivalent.
Decidere vs. decidersi (a): a decision vs. making up one's mind
Decidere is to decide (something). Decidersi (a) carries the extra sense of finally committing after hesitation — making up one's mind, often after struggle or delay.
Ho deciso di accettare il lavoro a Milano.
I've decided to accept the job in Milan. (a decision)
Dopo mesi di indecisione, mi sono deciso a comprare casa.
After months of indecision, I finally made up my mind to buy a house. (commitment after hesitation)
Decidi tu, io non riesco a scegliere.
You decide, I can't choose.
Si è deciso a lasciarlo solo dopo l'ennesimo litigio.
She finally made up her mind to leave him only after one fight too many.
Ricordare vs. ricordarsi (di): remembering, with or without personal involvement
The pair is subtle. Ricordare can mean both to remember and to remind (someone of something). Ricordarsi (di) is a more personal, more vivid kind of remembering — I personally remember it / it stays with me.
Ricordo perfettamente quel giorno.
I remember that day perfectly. (factual recollection)
Mi ricordo di mia nonna che cantava in cucina.
I remember my grandmother singing in the kitchen. (vivid, personal memory)
Ti ricordo che domani c'è la riunione alle dieci.
I'm reminding you that tomorrow there's a meeting at ten. (ricordare = to remind)
Ricordati di prendere il pane!
Remember to get the bread! (a personal instruction to oneself or another)
Non mi ricordo come si chiama quel ristorante.
I can't remember the name of that restaurant.
In practice, ricordare and ricordarsi di are often interchangeable when the meaning is "to remember." The reflexive version is slightly more colloquial and slightly more personal. Ti ricordi? is much more common than ricordi? in conversation.
Dimenticare vs. dimenticarsi (di): the same gentle shading
Same dynamic as ricordare. Dimenticare = to forget (neutral). Dimenticarsi di = to forget (with a touch of personal regret or surprise; the speaker takes ownership of the lapse).
Dimentico sempre il nome di tuo fratello.
I always forget your brother's name.
Mi sono dimenticata di chiamare mia madre per il compleanno.
I forgot to call my mother for her birthday. (with regret)
Non ti dimenticare le chiavi!
Don't forget your keys!
In the spoken language, the reflexive form is slightly preferred when something important was forgotten. Mi sono dimenticato dell'appuntamento sounds a touch more apologetic than ho dimenticato l'appuntamento.
Bere/mangiare/fumare/leggere vs. their reflexive forms: completion + indulgence
This is one of the most productive patterns in colloquial Italian. Adding -si to a transitive verb of consumption (eating, drinking, smoking, reading, watching) signals completion — the action goes through to the end — together with personal enjoyment or commitment. The construction is sometimes called the dativo etico or dative of personal involvement.
Mi bevo un caffè e arrivo.
I'll grab a coffee and be right there. (relaxed, personal — 'I'll have myself a coffee')
Si è mangiata tutta la torta da sola!
She ate the whole cake by herself!
Mi fumo l'ultima sigaretta e poi smetto, giuro.
I'll smoke this last cigarette and then I'll quit, I swear.
Mi sono letto tutto il libro in un weekend.
I read the whole book in one weekend. (completion + savoring)
Stasera ci vediamo un bel film e basta.
Tonight we'll watch a nice movie and that's it.
These reflexive forms are not strictly necessary — bevo un caffè is grammatical — but the reflexive version is what an Italian would naturally say when there's a sense of personal involvement, savoring, or completing the whole thing. Use the bare form for neutral statements; reach for the reflexive when you mean for myself, the whole thing, with pleasure.
Godere vs. godersi: general enjoyment vs. savoring something specific
Godere (di) is to enjoy — often abstract goods like good health (godere di buona salute) or a reputation. Godersi takes a direct object and means to savor, to fully enjoy, with the sense of being present and conscious of the pleasure.
Mi godo questi giorni di vacanza al massimo.
I'm savoring these holiday days to the fullest.
I miei nonni godono ancora di buona salute.
My grandparents still enjoy good health.
Goditi la vita, finché puoi!
Enjoy life while you can!
Si è goduta ogni singolo momento del concerto.
She savored every single moment of the concert.
Prendere vs. prendersi: taking vs. taking on / catching
Prendere = to take. Prendersi = to take on something (a responsibility, a risk) or to catch something (an illness, a beating, a scolding) — anything where the subject is the one who absorbs the consequence.
Prendo il treno delle otto.
I'm taking the eight o'clock train.
Mi prendo la responsabilità dell'errore.
I'm taking on responsibility for the mistake.
Si è preso un brutto raffreddore in montagna.
He caught a nasty cold in the mountains.
Prenditi cura di te.
Take care of yourself.
Si è preso una sgridata dal capo.
He got told off by the boss.
The construction prendersi cura di (to take care of) is fixed — never prendere cura. Same for prendersela (to get upset / take it badly), which is a fully idiomatic expression.
The underlying pattern: personal involvement
If you step back from individual pairs, a coherent picture emerges. The reflexive marker in these constructions adds one or more of the following nuances:
- Personal involvement — the action affects the subject's inner experience or emotional life (sentirsi, ricordarsi, preoccuparsi).
- Intentional commitment — the subject has decided, after deliberation, to take this action (decidersi, prendersi la responsabilità).
- Completion / consumption — the action goes all the way through, often with pleasure (bersi, mangiarsi, godersi).
- Self-location or state — the subject is somewhere or in some condition (trovarsi).
Once this pattern is part of your ear, you'll find yourself adding the reflexive intuitively in spoken Italian, even where no rule book taught it to you. That's when you've graduated past the page and into the language.
Common mistakes
❌ Aspetto una risposta più gentile.
Incorrect for 'I expect a kinder reply' — without the reflexive, this means 'I'm waiting for a kinder reply' (as if waiting for it to arrive). For mental expectations, you need 'aspettarsi'.
✅ Mi aspetto una risposta più gentile.
Correct — 'aspettarsi' is the verb for mental expectation, while bare 'aspettare' means physical waiting.
❌ Sento bene oggi, grazie.
Incorrect — without the reflexive, 'sento' means 'I hear/perceive', not 'I feel'.
✅ Mi sento bene oggi, grazie.
Correct — 'sentirsi' is required for emotional/physical state.
❌ Ho deciso a comprare la casa.
Incorrect — 'decidere' takes 'di', not 'a'.
✅ Ho deciso di comprare la casa. / Mi sono deciso a comprare la casa.
Correct — decidere di vs. decidersi a; the preposition flips with the meaning.
❌ Il museo trova in via Garibaldi.
Incorrect — 'trovare' alone means 'to find (something)'; for location you need 'trovarsi'.
✅ Il museo si trova in via Garibaldi.
Correct — 'trovarsi' is the standard verb for 'to be located'.
❌ Ho mi bevuto un caffè.
Incorrect word order — the reflexive pronoun precedes the auxiliary, not follows it.
✅ Mi sono bevuto un caffè.
Correct — pronoun first, then essere; participle agrees with subject.
Key takeaways
The meaning-changing reflexives are the most rewarding category to master because they unlock genuinely Italian patterns of expression. Three things to remember:
The same verb root can mean different things with and without -si. Aspettare ≠ aspettarsi. Sentire ≠ sentirsi. Trovare ≠ trovarsi.
The reflexive often signals personal involvement, completion, or intentional commitment — not literal "self" action. Mi bevo un caffè doesn't mean "I drink myself a coffee"; it means "I'll have a coffee, with pleasure, the whole thing."
Watch the prepositions. Decidere takes di
- infinitive; decidersi takes a
- infinitive. This kind of flip often accompanies the meaning change.
- infinitive; decidersi takes a
You've now covered the four major categories of reflexive verbs in Italian: true reflexives, reciprocals, pronominal verbs, and meaning-shifting reflexives. The category is one of the most distinctive features of Italian grammar, and confident command of it is one of the clearest markers of an advanced learner.
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Open the Italian course →Related Topics
- Reflexive Verbs: OverviewA1 — How Italian uses reflexive pronouns to mark verbs whose subject and object are the same — and why Italian uses reflexives in many places where English uses no pronoun at all.
- True Reflexive VerbsA1 — When the subject genuinely acts on themselves — daily routine, body parts, and the elegant way Italian handles 'my hair, my hands, my face' without ever saying 'my'.
- Reciprocal Verbs (Each Other)A2 — How Italian uses the reflexive pronouns ci, vi, and si to express mutual action — and how to disambiguate 'they wash themselves' from 'they wash each other'.
- Pronominal Verbs (Lexicalized Reflexives)A2 — Italian verbs that look reflexive but aren't really — the -si is part of the dictionary form, with no 'self' meaning at all. The category covers emotions, life changes, and many of the most common verbs in the language.