When a friend tells you they failed an exam, lost a job, or are sitting with a sick child, the words you reach for are some of the most culturally specific in any language — and the ones a phrasebook is least likely to give you. Afrikaans has a small, warm set of comfort formulas that native speakers deploy almost reflexively: toemaar, dit sal regkom, sterkte, ag shame. Several of them simply cannot be translated word for word into English without sounding either cold or absurd. Learning to use them correctly is how you show that you can not only speak Afrikaans but also care in Afrikaans.
toemaar — the all-purpose "there, there"
Toemaar (sometimes written toe maar) is the single most useful comfort word in the language, and it has no tidy English equivalent. Literally it is the words toe (then) and maar (but/just) fused into one soothing particle. You say it to someone who is upset, anxious, apologising, or making a fuss, and it means roughly there, there / never mind / it's alright / don't worry about it. You can say it on its own as a complete utterance, or lead into a fuller reassurance.
Toemaar, dit was nie jou skuld nie.
There, there — it wasn't your fault.
Toemaar, my kind, môre is nog 'n dag.
Never mind, my child, tomorrow is another day.
Ag, jammer ek het jou glas gebreek. — Toemaar, dis nie 'n probleem nie.
Oh, sorry I broke your glass. — Don't worry about it, it's no problem.
The emotional register of toemaar is gentle and slightly maternal; it is the word an adult says to a crying child, but also what one friend says to another over coffee. Used alone — just Toemaar. — it is a complete, soft act of reassurance.
dit sal regkom — "it'll come right"
The standard reassurance about the future is dit sal regkom — literally it will come right. The verb regkom (to come right, to turn out well) is doing the cultural work here, and it is deeply embedded in the Afrikaans worldview: a calm faith that things sort themselves out. You will also hear the broader alles sal regkom (everything will be alright). These are the phrases you say to someone facing a hard stretch — illness, money trouble, heartbreak.
Moenie bekommerd wees nie — dit sal regkom.
Don't worry — it'll be alright.
Dit lyk nou donker, maar alles sal regkom, jy sal sien.
It looks bleak now, but everything will turn out fine, you'll see.
Gee dit tyd. Dit kom altyd reg.
Give it time. It always comes right in the end.
Note that regkom is a separable verb: in dit sal regkom it stays together at the end (after the auxiliary sal), but in a present-tense statement the prefix splits off — dit *kom altyd reg*.
sterkte — wishing someone strength
Here is the one comfort word that most surprises English speakers, because there is nothing like it in English. Sterkte literally means strength, and Afrikaans speakers offer it as a standalone wish — I wish you strength — to anyone going through something difficult: a death in the family, an operation, an exam, a tough week. You say it as you part, often softened with hoor (an affectionate "okay?"/"y'hear"): Sterkte, hoor.
Sterkte met die operasie môre.
Strength for the operation tomorrow. (≈ Good luck / thinking of you)
Ek hoor van jou ma. Sterkte, hoor.
I heard about your mother. Be strong — thinking of you.
Sterkte met die eksamen!
All the best for the exam!
English forces a choice between "good luck" (too breezy for a bereavement) and "thinking of you" (a whole clause). Sterkte covers the entire range in one word, and crucially it acknowledges that the situation is hard — you are wishing the person the strength to endure it, not the luck to avoid it. That acknowledgement is the heart of Afrikaans empathy, and saying sterkte at the right moment marks you unmistakably as a fluent, feeling speaker.
ag shame — sympathy, not embarrassment
Ag shame (or just shame, or ag siestog) is a fixed sympathy exclamation, and it is a classic false friend. English shame implies disgrace or embarrassment; Afrikaans shame — borrowed into English-South-African speech too — means aw, the poor thing / how sweet / I feel for you. It is said with warmth, never with judgement. You use it on hearing something sad or something endearingly cute.
Ag shame, die arme hondjie is nat gereën.
Aw, the poor little dog got rained on.
Sy is al drie dae siek. — Ag shame, arme ding.
She's been sick for three days. — Aw, poor thing.
Kyk hoe klein hy slaap. — Ag shame!
Look how tiny he is, sleeping. — Aww!
The trap for English speakers is reading shame as criticism — hearing "Ag shame, poor thing" as somehow shaming the person. It is the opposite: it is one of the tenderest things you can say. Siestog (also sjoe-tog) is a close cousin used the same way.
moenie worry nie and the worry/bekommer pair
Everyday spoken reassurance leans heavily on moenie worry nie — literally don't worry, using the English loan worry inside the Afrikaans negative bracket moenie ... nie. In more careful or formal speech you swap the loanword for the native verb: moenie bekommerd wees nie (don't be worried) or moenie jou bekommer nie (don't trouble yourself). The lighter, very casual register also gives you dis OK and moenie stres nie.
Moenie worry nie, ek sal jou optel.
Don't worry, I'll pick you up.
Moenie jou daaroor bekommer nie — ek hanteer dit.
Don't trouble yourself about it — I'll handle it.
Ons is laat! — Toemaar, moenie stres nie, daar is genoeg tyd.
We're late! — Relax, don't stress, there's plenty of time.
Watch the negative bracket: moenie opens it and nie closes it at the end of the clause. Everything you are telling the person not to do sits between them — moenie [worry] nie, moenie jou [daaroor bekommer] nie. Dropping the closing nie is the commonest structural error here.
How this differs from English
English comfort runs on full clauses — "don't worry about it," "I'm so sorry to hear that," "it'll be fine" — and on a single multipurpose word, sorry, that covers both apology and sympathy. Afrikaans instead gives you dedicated single-word tools: toemaar for soothing, sterkte for hardship, shame for sympathy. The risk is translating English formulas literally — saying Ek is so jammer om dit te hoor (a calque of "I'm so sorry to hear that"), which is grammatical but stiff and a little foreign, where a native speaker would simply say Ag shame or Sterkte, hoor. The other risk is misreading the words you receive: hearing shame as criticism, or sterkte as a flat "good luck," and missing the warmth that is actually being offered.
Common mistakes
❌ Vol skaamte — sy het 'shame' gesê, dink ek sy het my gekritiseer.
Misreading — shame here is sympathy ('poor thing'), not criticism or embarrassment.
✅ Ag shame is 'n warm uitdrukking van simpatie.
'Ag shame' is a warm expression of sympathy.
❌ Goeie geluk met die begrafnis.
Incorrect — 'good luck' is jarring for a bereavement; this is exactly where sterkte is needed.
✅ Sterkte met die begrafnis.
Strength for the funeral. (= thinking of you)
❌ Moenie worry.
Incorrect — the negative bracket needs its closing nie.
✅ Moenie worry nie.
Don't worry.
❌ Dit sal kom reg.
Incorrect — the separable verb regkom stays joined at the end after sal.
✅ Dit sal regkom.
It'll be alright.
Key takeaways
- Toemaar is the all-purpose "there, there / never mind," said on its own or before a fuller reassurance.
- Dit sal regkom / alles sal regkom is the standard faith-in-the-future comfort; regkom is a separable verb (it splits in the present: dit kom reg).
- Sterkte means "I wish you strength" and has no English equivalent — it is for hardship, not luck, and acknowledges that the situation is hard.
- Ag shame is warm sympathy ("poor thing / aww"), never criticism — a false friend for English speakers.
- Casual reassurance uses moenie worry nie / moenie stres nie; the formal version swaps in bekommer — and always close the moenie ... nie bracket. See the related particle darem and tog and the wider social formulas.
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Start learning Afrikaans→Related Topics
- The Particles darem and togB1 — Two high-frequency conversational particles — darem (reassurance, 'after all, at least') and tog (gentle insistence and appeal, 'do come!', 'surely') — and how to tell them apart.
- Social Formulas: thanks, apologies, wishesA1 — The fixed everyday formulas of Afrikaans social life — thanks, apologies, congratulations, and good wishes — learned as whole units.
- Emotional Interjections: eina, sjoe, foei, agA2 — The everyday Afrikaans interjections that voice feeling — eina (ouch), sjoe (phew/wow), ag (oh well), foei tog and ag shame (sympathy), jislaaik (surprise) — and why 'shame' means the opposite of what English speakers expect.
- Pragmatics: Using Afrikaans AppropriatelyB1 — Afrikaans politeness is carried by small words — diminutives, asseblief, tog — and by address terms like oom and tannie, not by the elaborate hedging English uses.
- Expressing Emotions and StatesB1 — How Afrikaans splits feelings between wees + adjective for emotions and kry for developing sensations — ek is bly versus ek kry koud — plus the idioms of mood.