Learn Hardcore Greek: Δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο όταν μιλάω ελληνικά με τη φίλη μου. - I don’t get so stressed when I speak Greek with my female friend.

Δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο = I don’t get that stressed / I don’t stress so much.
It describes a process or reaction, especially in a given situation.
Είμαι αγχωμένος (masc.) / είμαι αγχωμένη (fem.) = I am stressed (out).
This describes more of a state you’re in.

In this sentence, the speaker is talking about how they react when speaking Greek with their friend, so the verb αγχώνομαι is more natural than the adjective αγχωμένος / αγχωμένη. It also avoids specifying the speaker’s gender.

What exactly is the form αγχώνομαι? Why does it end in -ομαι?

Αγχώνομαι is:

Present tense
1st person singular
Middle/passive voice

of the verb αγχώνομαι (no active form is normally used in everyday speech).

In modern Greek, verbs that end in -ομαι in the present are middle/passive forms, for example:

ξυπνάω / ξυπνάω → ξυπνάω (I wake up) – active
ξυπνιέμαι (less common) – passive
φοβάμαι (I am afraid) – middle-only verb
εργάζομαι (I work) – middle/passive form used with active meaning

So αγχώνομαι behaves like a “reflexive” verb: something like I get myself stressed / I become stressed.

Why do we use Δεν and not Μην in this sentence?

Greek has two main negative particles:

δεν – used with indicative verbs (normal statements and questions)
μη(ν) – used with subjunctive, imperatives, and some fixed expressions

Here we have a straightforward statement in the present:

Δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο… – I don’t get that stressed… → indicative, so we must use δεν.

You would use μη(ν) in sentences like:

Μην αγχώνεσαι τόσο. – Don’t stress so much. (negative imperative)
Να μην αγχώνεσαι τόσο. – (You should) not stress so much. (subjunctive-like)

What does τόσο add here? How is Δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο different from Δεν αγχώνομαι πολύ?

Both express degree, but with a slightly different nuance:

Δεν αγχώνομαι πολύ. – I don’t get very stressed / I don’t get stressed a lot.
→ More neutral: just “not much”.
Δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο. – I don’t get that stressed / I don’t get so stressed.
→ Implies comparison:
• either compared to other situations (e.g. with strangers)
• or compared to what you might expect.

You can also combine them:

Δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο πολύ. – I don’t get that very stressed / I don’t get so very stressed.

Why is it όταν μιλάω and not something like όταν θα μιλάω for the future?

In Greek, after όταν (when) referring to habitual or general situations (including future ones), you normally use the present tense, not the future:

Δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο όταν μιλάω ελληνικά…
= I don’t get so stressed when I speak Greek…
→ This includes whenever I speak Greek, now or in general.

You only see όταν θα + verb in more specific, often one-time future situations, and even then it’s less common and can sound heavy:

Όταν θα μιλάω στο συνέδριο, θα είμαι αγχωμένος.
= When I’ll be speaking at the conference, I’ll be stressed. (quite specific)

In everyday speech, people usually still say:

Όταν μιλάω στο συνέδριο, θα είμαι αγχωμένος.

What is the difference between μιλάω and μιλώ?

Μιλάω and μιλώ are two forms of the same verb: to speak / to talk.

μιλάω – more colloquial and very common in everyday speech
μιλώ – slightly more formal or “bookish”, but also correct and common

They are interchangeable in meaning here:

όταν μιλάω ελληνικά
όταν μιλώ ελληνικά

Both mean when I speak Greek.

Why do we use μιλάω and not λέω for “speak Greek”?

Greek makes a similar distinction to English:

μιλάω (ελληνικά) = I speak (Greek) – use this for languages and talking in general
- μιλάω ελληνικά – I speak Greek
- μιλάω με τη φίλη μου – I talk with my friend
λέω = I say / I tell – used for specific things you say
- Τι είπες; – What did you say?
- Του λέω την αλήθεια. – I tell him the truth.

So I speak Greek must be μιλάω ελληνικά, not λέω ελληνικά.

Why is it μιλάω ελληνικά and not μιλάω ελληνική?

Language names in Greek, when used with verbs like μιλάω, normally appear as neuter plural forms of adjectives, functioning adverbially:

μιλάω ελληνικά – literally “I speak (in) Greek (way)” → I speak Greek
μιλάω αγγλικά – I speak English
μιλάω γαλλικά – I speak French

The forms ελληνική / αγγλική / γαλλική are feminine singular adjectives (e.g. η ελληνική γλώσσα – the Greek language), but when you say I speak Greek, you use the neuter plural:

μιλάω ελληνικά, not μιλάω ελληνική.

Why is it τη φίλη μου and not την φίλη μου?

The basic feminine singular accusative article is την (the), so in full it is:

την φίλη μου – my (female) friend (object of the verb)

However, in modern Greek usage:

The -ν at the end of την is often dropped before many consonants in writing and speech.
So both την φίλη μου and τη φίλη μου are acceptable, depending on style.

A common rule taught in schools is:

Keep the -ν before vowel or the consonants κ, π, τ, ξ, ψ, μπ, ντ, γκ, τσ, τζ.
Elsewhere, it is optional.

Since φ is not in that list, many people write τη φίλη μου, as in your sentence. It’s standard modern usage.

What is the function of μου in τη φίλη μου?

Μου here is an enclitic possessive pronoun, meaning my.

η φίλη μου – my (female) friend
ο φίλος μου – my (male) friend
το σπίτι μου – my house

It follows the noun (and its article):

article + noun + μου

So:

με τη φίλη μου = with my friend
literally: with the friend my (in Greek word order).

Why is there no subject pronoun εγώ in the sentence?

Greek is a “pro-drop” language: subject pronouns are usually omitted because the verb ending already shows the subject.

αγχώνομαι clearly shows 1st person singular → I (am the one who) get(s) stressed.

You would add εγώ mainly for emphasis or contrast:

Εγώ δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο όταν μιλάω ελληνικά με τη φίλη μου.
= I don’t get that stressed when I speak Greek with my friend (but others do / but in other situations I do).

Can I change the word order, for example: Δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο όταν με τη φίλη μου μιλάω ελληνικά?

Greek word order is more flexible than English, but some orders sound more natural than others.

The original:

Δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο όταν μιλάω ελληνικά με τη φίλη μου.

This is very natural: it keeps μιλάω ελληνικά together, then adds με τη φίλη μου.

Your version:

Δεν αγχώνομαι τόσο όταν με τη φίλη μου μιλάω ελληνικά.

is grammatically possible, but sounds a bit marked or less smooth in everyday speech. It might be used for emphasis or rhythm, but the neutral, most natural order is:

…όταν μιλάω ελληνικά με τη φίλη μου.

How do you pronounce αγχώνομαι, especially the γχ?

Αγχώνομαι is stressed on the second syllable:
αγ-ΧΩ-νο-μαι

γ before χ is pronounced like the “ng” in sing plus a rough h sound:
- γχ ≈ [ŋh] or [ŋx] (a bit like the ch in German Bach).

Approximate pronunciation:
αγχώνομαι → ang-HÓ-no-me (with a strong “h/ch” sound, not a soft English “h”).