Beyond the tidy categories of reflexive grammar lies a layer of fixed expressions where se is locked into a phrase whose meaning you cannot reconstruct from the parts. Dar-se bem is not "to give oneself well" — it means "to get along." Dar-se conta is not "to give oneself an account" — it means "to realize." These idioms are everywhere in spoken Brazilian, and the smart move is to learn each one as a single chunk, pronoun and preposition included.
Dar-se bem com — to get along with
This is one of the most useful relationship-describing expressions in Brazilian Portuguese. Dar-se bem com alguém means "to get along well with someone." Its opposite, dar-se mal com, means "to not get along." Drill the whole frame — me dou bem com, se dá bem com — as a ready-made unit you can drop a person into.
Eu me dou bem com a minha sogra, por incrível que pareça.
I get along well with my mother-in-law, believe it or not.
Ela não se dá bem com o irmão desde a infância.
She hasn't gotten along with her brother since childhood.
Você se dá bem com seus colegas de trabalho?
Do you get along with your coworkers?
Dar-se bem without com can also mean "to do well / succeed" at something: Ele se deu bem na vida (He did well in life).
Os dois se deram bem no novo negócio.
The two of them did well in the new business.
Dar-se conta de — to realize
Dar-se conta de means "to realize / to become aware of" something — a sudden dawning. It is slightly more vivid and personal than the plainer perceber (to notice). The de is obligatory before a noun, and the phrase often introduces a que-clause.
Só me dei conta do erro quando já era tarde demais.
I only realized the mistake when it was already too late.
Ela se deu conta de que tinha esquecido a carteira em casa.
She realized she had left her wallet at home.
De repente me dei conta de que estava falando sozinho.
Suddenly I realized I was talking to myself.
Sentir-se — to feel (a state of being)
Sentir-se is "to feel" in the sense of an inner state — sentir-se cansado, sentir-se em casa. Be careful: bare sentir means "to feel/sense something" (an object), as in sentir dor (to feel pain) or sentir saudade. The reflexive sentir-se is followed by an adjective or adverbial phrase describing how the subject feels.
Sinto-me cansado, mas feliz.
I feel tired but happy. (formal/written, with enclisis)
Me sinto muito melhor depois de dormir.
I feel much better after sleeping. (informal BR, pronoun first)
Faz tempo que não me sinto tão à vontade num lugar.
It's been a while since I felt so at ease somewhere.
Notice the register split in the pronoun's position. Formal writing favors sinto-me (enclisis); everyday Brazilian speech says me sinto (proclisis). Both are the same verb — only the placement, and therefore the register, changes. Compare the non-reflexive use:
Sinto muito pela sua perda.
I'm very sorry for your loss. (no reflexive — 'sentir' = to feel/regret)
Dar-se ao luxo de — to allow oneself the luxury of
A more elevated idiom: dar-se ao luxo de means "to give oneself the luxury of / to afford to" do something — usually with a hint that it is an indulgence not everyone could permit. It takes de + infinitive.
Poucos podem se dar ao luxo de tirar um ano sabático.
Few people can afford the luxury of taking a sabbatical year.
Naquele domingo, ela se deu ao luxo de dormir até o meio-dia.
That Sunday, she allowed herself the luxury of sleeping until noon.
Bater-se por — to fight for, to advocate for
Bater-se por (literally "to beat oneself for") means to fight or campaign for a cause. It is more formal and is common in journalistic and political writing. Plain bater means "to hit/beat"; the reflexive bater-se por turns it into committed advocacy.
A deputada se bateu por uma reforma mais justa durante anos.
The congresswoman fought for a fairer reform for years. (formal/journalistic)
Ele sempre se bateu pelos direitos dos trabalhadores.
He always fought for workers' rights. (formal)
Why these resist literal translation — and the se/no-se wobble
Each of these phrases froze long ago into an idiom, so the se no longer "does" anything analyzable; it is just part of the expression. That is exactly why you should store them whole. There is, however, a real Brazilian tendency to let some of these wobble between se and no-se in casual speech, mirroring what happens with lembrar and sentar. You will hear dei conta without me in very informal speech, though me dei conta remains the standard.
| Expression | Meaning | Preposition | Register |
|---|---|---|---|
| dar-se bem (com) | get along / succeed | com | everyday |
| dar-se conta (de) | realize | de | everyday |
| sentir-se | feel (a state) | — | everyday |
| dar-se ao luxo (de) | afford the luxury of | de | elevated |
| bater-se (por) | fight / advocate for | por | formal |
Common mistakes
❌ Eu dou bem com ela.
Incorrect — dar-se bem needs the reflexive pronoun.
✅ Eu me dou bem com ela.
I get along well with her.
Unlike lembrar or sentar, this idiom keeps its pronoun. Without me, dou bem is meaningless here.
❌ Me dei conta que estava errado.
Incorrect — dar-se conta requires 'de' before the que-clause.
✅ Me dei conta de que estava errado.
I realized I was wrong.
The preposition de stays even before que. (In very casual speech some speakers drop it, but the careful form keeps de que.)
❌ Eu sinto cansado hoje.
Incorrect — to feel a state, use the reflexive sentir-se.
✅ Eu me sinto cansado hoje.
I feel tired today.
Bare sentir takes a noun object (sinto dor, sinto fome). To feel an adjective-state, you need sentir-se.
❌ Ela se dá bem de matemática.
Incorrect — dar-se bem uses 'com' (or 'em' for a subject area), not 'de'.
✅ Ela se dá bem com matemática.
She does well with math.
❌ Ele se bateu para os direitos dos trabalhadores.
Incorrect — bater-se takes 'por', not 'para'.
✅ Ele se bateu pelos direitos dos trabalhadores.
He fought for workers' rights.
The preposition is fixed per idiom: bater-se por, dar-se conta de, dar-se bem com. Swapping prepositions is the most common slip — learn each one welded to its phrase.
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