Learn Hardcore Spanish (Spain): No es que esté en contra del divorcio, es que me parece triste cuando una pareja deja de hablarse. - It’s not that I’m against divorce, it’s that it seems sad to me when a couple stops talking to each other.

The structure no es que + subjunctive is a fixed, common pattern in Spanish.
It’s used to introduce a clarification, usually denying or softening an idea that someone might be assuming.

No es que esté en contra del divorcio... = It’s not that I’m against divorce...
Using estoy (No es que estoy...) would be ungrammatical here; this pattern simply calls for the subjunctive.

Could you say No estoy en contra del divorcio, es que… instead? What’s the difference?

Yes, No estoy en contra del divorcio, es que… is grammatically correct, but the nuance changes:

No estoy en contra del divorcio... is a direct statement: I’m not against divorce.
No es que esté en contra del divorcio... is more like: It’s not that I’m (exactly) against divorce...

The no es que + subjunctive form sounds softer and more indirect, as if you’re responding to or correcting an assumed idea rather than making a flat statement.

What does es que mean here? It doesn’t sound natural if I literally say “it is that” in English.

In this context, es que works as a discourse marker, not as a literal “it is that.”
A good translation here is:

es que → it’s just that / the thing is (that)

So the full idea is:

No es que esté en contra del divorcio, es que me parece triste...
→ It’s not that I’m against divorce, it’s just that I find it sad...

Another common equivalent in Spanish is lo que pasa es que, which has a very similar function.

What exactly does me do in me parece triste?

The me is an indirect object pronoun meaning “to me”.

me parece triste = it seems sad to me / I find it sad

The verb parecer often works like this:

me parece bien/mal – it seems good/bad to me
me parece difícil – it seems difficult to me

So the structure is:
(a mí) me parece + adjective / que + clause.

Could I say pienso que es triste instead of me parece triste?

You could say pienso que es triste (I think it’s sad), but the nuance changes:

me parece triste is a bit softer and more subjective: it strikes me as sad / I find it sad.
pienso que es triste sounds a bit more categorical: I think it is sad (as a judgment).

In everyday Spanish, me parece + adj/que... is very frequent and often sounds more natural and less blunt than pienso que....

Why does it say una pareja (a couple) if we’re talking about couples in general?

Spanish often uses a singular count noun with an indefinite article to talk about things in general, especially people:

Cuando una pareja deja de hablarse
→ literally: When a couple stops talking to each other
→ really: When couples stop talking to each other (in general).

You could also say cuando las parejas dejan de hablarse (when couples stop talking to each other), which is also correct.
Using una pareja makes it feel more like talking about any typical couple, almost like giving an example.

What does dejar de + infinitive mean in deja de hablarse?

Dejar de + infinitive means “to stop doing something”.

deja de hablarse = stops talking (to each other)
Other examples:
- dejar de fumar – to stop smoking
- dejar de comer carne – to stop eating meat

So structurally:
dejar de + infinitive = to stop + -ing in English.

Why is it hablarse and not just hablar?

Here hablarse uses se as a reciprocal pronoun: it means to talk to each other.

hablar – to speak / to talk
hablarse (ellos se hablan) – they talk to each other

So:

dejar de hablarse = to stop talking to each other
Without se, dejar de hablar would just mean to stop talking (in general), not necessarily to each other.

Other common reciprocal verbs:

verse – to see each other
escribirse – to write to each other
llamarse – to call each other

Why does cuando una pareja deja de hablarse use deja (indicative) and not deje (subjunctive)?

In time clauses with cuando, Spanish uses:

Indicative for general, habitual, or real situations.
Subjunctive for future, hypothetical, or not-yet-real situations.

Here, cuando una pareja deja de hablarse expresses a general situation: what happens in general when couples stop talking. So deja (indicative) is correct.

Compare:

Me parece triste cuando una pareja deja de hablarse.
I find it sad when a couple stops talking (in general).
Cuando una pareja deje de hablarse, tendrán problemas.
When a couple stops talking (in the future), they will have problems. → deje (subjunctive).

Could I use sino que instead of the comma: No es que esté en contra del divorcio, sino que me parece triste…?

Yes, that’s perfectly correct and very natural:

No es que esté en contra del divorcio, sino que me parece triste...

Sino que explicitly marks a contrast or correction, similar to but rather in English.
With the comma and es que, the contrast is a bit softer and more discursive:

..., es que me parece triste... = ..., it’s just that I find it sad...
..., sino que me parece triste... = ..., but rather I find it sad...

Both are fine; sino que sounds slightly more “logical/argumentative,” es que a bit more conversational.

Why isn’t there a yo before esté? Could you say No es que yo esté en contra…?

Spanish usually omits subject pronouns because the verb ending already tells you who the subject is.

esté here is clearly 1st person singular (I), so yo is not needed.
No es que esté en contra... is the normal, neutral version.

You can say No es que yo esté en contra..., and that adds emphasis to yo, as in It’s not that *I am against divorce (maybe others are, but not me)*.

Is this sentence particularly “Spain Spanish,” or would Latin Americans say it the same way?

This sentence is fully standard and neutral; it would be understood and used all over the Spanish‑speaking world.

No es que + subjunctive
es que as it’s just that…
me parece
dejar de + infinitive
hablarse (reciprocal)

All of these are common in both Spain and Latin America. Any difference would mainly be in accent and intonation, not in vocabulary or grammar.