Learn Hardcore Spanish (Spain): Me gustaría que mi hermano no se quejara tanto y que fuera más paciente. - I would like my brother not to complain so much and to be more patient.

Spanish uses me gustaría (conditional of gustar) to express a soft, hypothetical wish — similar to English "I would like" rather than "I want".

Me gusta que… = I like the fact that… (it’s already true / it happens)
Quiero que… = I want … (direct, stronger)
Me gustaría que… = I would like … (more polite, more tentative, often about something that is not true now)

In this sentence, the speaker is talking about a wish that isn’t being fulfilled at the moment (the brother does complain a lot and is not very patient), so me gustaría fits very well.

Why do we say me gustaría que mi hermano… instead of just me gustaría mi hermano…?

With gustar, when what you like is a situation or action, Spanish normally introduces it with que and a clause:

Me gustaría que mi hermano no se quejara tanto.
Literally: It would please me that my brother not complain so much.

The whole clause que mi hermano no se quejara tanto y que fuera más paciente is the grammatical subject of gustaría.

You can’t say *me gustaría mi hermano no se quejara tanto; Spanish needs the que-clause structure here:
me gustaría + que + [subjunctive clause].

Why are se quejara and fuera in the subjunctive, not the indicative?

Because me gustaría que… expresses a wish about something that is not real (yet) or contrary to the current reality. That triggers the subjunctive.

Me gusta que mi hermano no se queja → wrong (should be subjunctive)
Me gusta que mi hermano no se queje → present subjunctive, real situation I like
Me gustaría que mi hermano no se quejara → imperfect subjunctive, hypothetical / unreal wish

So:

que se quejara = that he would complain (less) / that he didn’t complain so much
que fuera más paciente = that he would be more patient

Both are in the subjunctive because they depend on me gustaría que… and describe a wished-for, not-real situation.

What tense exactly are quejara and fuera? Do they mean past?

Quejara and fuera are in the imperfect subjunctive.

quejara → imperfect subjunctive of quejarse
fuera → imperfect subjunctive of ser

Despite the name “imperfect”, here they do not express past time. In this structure, they express a hypothetical / unreal situation in the present or future, linked to me gustaría.

Sequence of tenses:

Main verb in present:
Quiero que no se queje y que sea paciente. → present subjunctive (se queje, sea)
Main verb in conditional or past:
Me gustaría que no se quejara y que fuera paciente. → imperfect subjunctive (se quejara, fuera)

So they match the mood and “time frame” of me gustaría, not a literal past.

Could I say me gustaría que mi hermano no se queje tanto y sea más paciente instead?

In standard grammar, that combination (me gustaría + se queje / sea) is usually considered incorrect or at least non-standard, because it mixes:

me gustaría (conditional → calls for imperfect subjunctive)
se queje, sea (present subjunctive → usual after quiero que, es bueno que, etc.)

Correct combinations:

Quiero que mi hermano no se queje tanto y que sea más paciente.
(Present main verb → present subjunctive)
Me gustaría que mi hermano no se quejara tanto y que fuera más paciente.
(Conditional main verb → imperfect subjunctive)

You may hear me gustaría que… se queje / sea in casual speech, but if you’re aiming for solid, careful Spanish, stick with que se quejara / fuera after me gustaría.

Why is there a se in no se quejara? Why not just no quejara?

Because quejarse is a pronominal (reflexive-like) verb. In Spanish, the common way to say “to complain” is quejarse, not quejar.

quejarse → to complain
Se queja todo el tiempo. = He complains all the time.
quejar (without se) is rare and usually means “to lament something / to complain about someone/something” in a more literary or transitive way.

In everyday Spanish, for “complain”, you must include the pronoun:

no se quejara tanto = that he wouldn’t complain so much
*no quejara tanto → wrong in modern normal usage

Shouldn’t it be quejarse de algo? Why is there no de here?

Quejarse very often appears with de when you mention what someone complains about:

Se queja de su trabajo. = He complains about his job.
Siempre se queja de todo. = He always complains about everything.

But quejarse can also be used without saying the specific thing:

Se queja mucho. = He complains a lot.
No quiero que se queje tanto. = I don’t want him to complain so much.

In your sentence, the speaker is talking about the brother’s general tendency to complain, not about a specific object, so no se quejara tanto is perfectly fine without de.

Why is the negation no placed before se quejara, not after?

In Spanish, no generally comes before the verb, and if there are object or reflexive pronouns, no comes before them too:

no se queja = he doesn’t complain
no me lo dijo = he didn’t tell it to me
no te voy a ayudar / no voy a ayudarte = I’m not going to help you

So the correct order is:

no se quejara (no + pronoun + verb)

Forms like *se no quejara or *quejara no are incorrect.

What does tanto do here, and why is it after quejara?

Tanto is an adverb here meaning “so much / so often / that much”. It modifies the verb quejara:

no se quejara tanto ≈ “that he wouldn’t complain so much”

Placement:

It normally goes after the verb it modifies:
Habla tanto., Come tanto., Se queja tanto.

Compare tanto vs tan:

tan goes with adjectives/adverbs:
tan paciente = so patient
tan rápido = so fast
tanto goes with verbs or nouns:
trabajar tanto = to work so much
tanto trabajo = so much work
quejara tanto = complain so much

So no se quejara tanto is the natural word order.

Why is there a second que before fuera? Is it necessary?

You have:

…que mi hermano no se quejara tanto y que fuera más paciente.

Both quejara and fuera depend on me gustaría que…, so you can:

Repeat que (more explicit, very common, quite natural in speech):
- Me gustaría que mi hermano no se quejara tanto y que fuera más paciente.
Omit the second que (also correct):
- Me gustaría que mi hermano no se quejara tanto y fuera más paciente.

Both are grammatically fine. Repeating que can add clarity and rhythm and is often preferred in slightly longer or more complex sentences.

Why is it fuera más paciente and not era más paciente or estuviera más paciente?

Several things are going on:

Subjunctive vs indicative
- fuera = imperfect subjunctive of ser → required after me gustaría que….
- era = imperfect indicative of ser → would describe a past fact, not a wish.
Me gustaría que fuera… = I’d like him to be (hypothetical, desired).
Era más paciente. = He was more patient (past reality).
Ser vs estar:
- ser paciente → a general, more permanent character trait.
- estar paciente sounds odd; estar is used with temporary states, and paciente doesn’t usually go with estar in this sense.
So fuera más paciente naturally expresses “I wish he had a more patient character / attitude (in general)”.

Therefore fuera (imperfect subjunctive of ser) is the right choice here.

Is there a difference between fuera and fuese?

No difference in meaning. Both are forms of the imperfect subjunctive of ser (and also of ir in other contexts):

fuera and fuese = “were”

In modern usage:

In Spain, fuera is generally more common in speech than fuese, but both are correct and understood everywhere.
In writing, especially more formal or literary, you might see fuese a bit more often, but this is style, not grammar.

You could say:

Me gustaría que fuera más paciente.
Me gustaría que fuese más paciente.

Same meaning; choose whichever you prefer.