Learn Hardcore Portuguese (Portugal): Se falares com a tua família com paciência, o conflito pode terminar mais depressa. - If you talk with your family patiently, the conflict can end faster.

Infinitive: falar – to speak / to talk
Present indicative (tu): falas – you speak / you talk (right now / generally)
Future subjunctive (tu): falares – when/if you speak (in the future)

In Portuguese (especially in Portugal), actions in the future introduced by se (if), quando (when), etc., usually take the future subjunctive, not the present:

Se falares com a tua família… – If/when you speak with your family (in that future situation)…

So falares signals a future, hypothetical condition, which matches the meaning of the sentence.

Could I say Se falas com a tua família… instead of Se falares…?

You can say Se falas com a tua família com paciência, o conflito…, and it is grammatically correct, but the nuance changes slightly.

Se falares… → typical structure for a specific future condition
- If (on that occasion) you speak with your family patiently, the conflict can end faster.
Se falas… → tends to sound more like a general or habitual condition
- If you (generally) talk to your family patiently, conflicts (in general) end faster.

In everyday European Portuguese, Se falares… is the more natural choice here, because we’re usually talking about a specific conflict that might end in the future.

Why is it com a tua família and not just com tua família?

In European Portuguese, possessives almost always come with a definite article:

a tua família – literally the your family → your family
o meu carro – my car
as nossas casas – our houses

Leaving out the article (tua família) is possible but:

It sounds unusual or very marked in European Portuguese.
It’s more common in Brazilian Portuguese, where both a tua família and tua família can be normal depending on region and style.

So in Portugal, the default natural form is com a tua família.

Is tua informal? When would I use tua vs sua in this sentence?

Yes, tua is linked to the informal tu.

tu → tua / teu / teus / tuas (informal singular “you”)
- Se falares com a tua família… – talking to someone you know well (friend, relative, child, etc.)
você / o senhor / a senhora → sua / seu / seus / suas (more formal or distant)
- Se falar com a sua família com paciência, o conflito pode terminar mais depressa.

In European Portuguese, tu / tua is common with friends, family, and in informal settings.
Você and sua are more formal, distant, or neutral, and can even feel a bit cold or stiff in some contexts in Portugal.

So tua here signals an informal, friendly tone.

What exactly does com paciência mean, and is pacientemente also possible?

Com paciência literally means “with patience”, and it is the most natural, everyday way to say “patiently” here.

Se falares com a tua família com paciência…
→ If you talk to your family *with patience / patiently…*

You can say pacientemente:

Se falares pacientemente com a tua família…

but:

com paciência sounds more natural and common in speech.
pacientemente sounds more formal, written, or literary.

So both are correct, but com paciência is idiomatic and preferred in most spoken contexts.

Can the position of com paciência change in the sentence?

Yes. Some possible (still natural) orders are:

Se falares com a tua família com paciência, o conflito pode terminar mais depressa. (original)
Se falares com paciência com a tua família, o conflito pode terminar mais depressa.
Se, com paciência, falares com a tua família, o conflito pode terminar mais depressa. (more formal / written)

All are grammatical. Differences:

The original order (com a tua família com paciência) feels very neutral and natural in speech.
Moving com paciência to the front (Se, com paciência, falares…) adds slight emphasis to the idea of patience and sounds more written or rhetorical.

Why does it say o conflito pode terminar instead of just o conflito termina?

Pode terminar uses the modal verb poder (can / may), which softens the statement:

o conflito termina mais depressa
→ the conflict ends faster (sounds more definite / certain)
o conflito pode terminar mais depressa
→ the conflict *can / may end faster (expresses *possibility, not a guarantee)

Here, pode terminar matches the idea: if you act in this way, it’s *possible the conflict will end sooner, but not guaranteed. That’s why *pode is more natural.

Could we use acabar instead of terminar in this sentence?

Yes, you could say:

Se falares com a tua família com paciência, o conflito pode acabar mais depressa.

Both terminar and acabar can mean “to end, to finish”. Differences are small:

terminar – a bit more neutral / standard, often used in more formal or written contexts.
acabar – very common in everyday speech, sometimes slightly more colloquial.

In this sentence, both verbs sound natural; terminar may feel just a touch more neutral or formal.

What does mais depressa mean exactly, and how is it different from mais rápido or mais rapidamente?

Mais depressa means “faster” or “sooner” here.

mais – more
depressa – fast, quickly, in a short time

So:

o conflito pode terminar mais depressa
→ the conflict can end faster / sooner.

Compared to alternatives:

mais rápido – also “faster”; very common, especially with verbs of movement or change:
- O conflito pode terminar mais rápido.
mais rapidamente – “more quickly”; a bit more formal:
- O conflito pode terminar mais rapidamente.

In European Portuguese, depressa is a very ordinary, everyday adverb, so mais depressa is perfectly natural and common.

Does depressa have anything to do with being “depressed”?

No. It’s a false friend for English speakers.

depressa = fast, quickly, in a short time
depressed (emotionally) is deprimido / deprimida in Portuguese.

So mais depressa has nothing to do with sadness; it is only about speed / quickness.

Could we just say depressa instead of mais depressa?

Yes, but the meaning changes slightly:

o conflito pode terminar depressa
→ the conflict can end quickly (no comparison).
o conflito pode terminar mais depressa
→ the conflict can end *more quickly / faster / sooner (than it otherwise would).*

The original sentence implies a comparison: with patience, it will end faster than without patience. That’s why mais depressa fits better.

Why is there a comma after Se falares com a tua família com paciência?

In Portuguese, when a dependent clause (like a se-clause, conditional clause) comes before the main clause, a comma is normally used:

Se falares com a tua família com paciência, o conflito pode terminar mais depressa.

If you invert the order:

O conflito pode terminar mais depressa se falares com a tua família com paciência.

then the comma is usually not written.

So the comma is there because the if-clause comes first, and this matches normal punctuation rules.

Can I put the Se clause at the end: O conflito pode terminar mais depressa se falares com a tua família com paciência?

Yes, that is completely correct:

O conflito pode terminar mais depressa se falares com a tua família com paciência.

Both orders are natural:

Se falares com a tua família com paciência, o conflito pode terminar mais depressa.
O conflito pode terminar mais depressa se falares com a tua família com paciência.

Differences are minimal:

Starting with Se falares… puts a bit more focus on the condition.
Starting with O conflito pode terminar… puts slightly more focus on the result.

Grammatically and stylistically, both are fine in European Portuguese.