Learn Hardcore Dutch: Na elke ruzie proberen we in kleine stappen vriendelijk met elkaar te praten. - After every argument we try, in small steps, to talk kindly with each other.

We proberen na elke ruzie…
→ Subject (we) is first, verb (proberen) is second.
Na elke ruzie proberen we…
→ Time phrase (Na elke ruzie) is first, verb (proberen) is second, subject (we) comes after that.

“Na elke ruzie we proberen …” breaks the V2 rule, so it’s ungrammatical in Dutch.

What’s the difference between “we” and “wij” here? Could I say “Na elke ruzie proberen wij …”?

Yes, you can say:

Na elke ruzie proberen we in kleine stappen vriendelijk met elkaar te praten.
Na elke ruzie proberen wij in kleine stappen vriendelijk met elkaar te praten.

Both are grammatically correct.

Difference:

we = unstressed, neutral, the default in speech.
wij = stressed, used when you emphasize “we (and not someone else)”:

Anderen schreeuwen, maar wij proberen na elke ruzie rustig te praten.
Others shout, but *we try to talk calmly after every argument.*

Why is it “Na elke ruzie” and not “Na de ruzie”? When do you use “na” with “de/het” versus “elke”?

Na elke ruzie = after every argument (general, habitual).
Na de ruzie = after the argument (one specific argument already known from context).

Patterns:

na + de/het + noun
→ specific: na de ruzie, na het feest, na de les.
na + elke/iedere + noun
→ habitual/generic: na elke ruzie, na iedere vergadering.

So “Na elke ruzie” matches the idea of a repeated pattern: every time we argue, afterwards we try…

Why “elke ruzie” and not “elk ruzie”? And what about “ieder / iedere”?

“ruzie” is a de‑word: de ruzie.
With de‑words, elk takes an ‑e:
- elke ruzie
- elke dag
- elke man
You only use bare elk (without ‑e) with singular het‑words:
- elk kind (het kind)
- elk huis (het huis)
“elke” vs “iedere”
In this sentence, “elke ruzie” and “iedere ruzie” mean the same (every argument).
- iedere can sound a bit more formal or emphatic.
- In everyday speech, elke is more common.

So:

Correct: elke ruzie, iedere ruzie
Incorrect: elk ruzie, ieder ruzie

What exactly does “ruzie” mean, and how do you talk about “arguing” in Dutch?

“ruzie” is a noun, meaning roughly argument, quarrel, fight (verbal).

Common patterns:

ruzie hebben (met iemand)
→ to be in a fight / to be on bad terms (with someone)
- We hebben vaak ruzie. – We often argue.
ruzie maken (met iemand)
→ to pick/start a fight / to argue (with someone)
- Ze maken altijd ruzie over geld. – They always argue about money.
The plural is ruzies:
- We hebben de laatste tijd veel ruzies gehad. – We’ve had many arguments lately.

In your sentence, “Na elke ruzie …” refers to each separate argument that has occurred.

Why do we say “proberen … te praten”? When do you need “te” before a verb like this?

Dutch often uses te + infinitive after certain verbs, including proberen.

Structure here:

proberen (conjugated verb)
…
te praten (infinitive with te at the end)

General rule:
Many verbs of attempting, planning, starting, forgetting, hoping, deciding etc. take te + infinitive:

proberen te praten – to try to talk
besluiten te blijven – to decide to stay
vergeten te bellen – to forget to call
weigeren te betalen – to refuse to pay

But modal verbs and a few others do not use te:

willen praten – want to talk
kunnen praten – can talk
moeten praten – must talk
gaan praten – are going to talk
laten praten – let (someone) talk

So “proberen te praten” is the normal, correct pattern.

Why is “te praten” at the very end? Could I move “te praten” earlier in the sentence?

In Dutch main clauses, the extra verbs (infinitives and participles) usually go toward the end of the clause.

Here the structure is:

Na elke ruzie (time)
proberen (finite verb, position 2)
we (subject)
in kleine stappen vriendelijk met elkaar (adverbial phrases)
te praten (infinitive with te at the end)

You cannot move te praten to the front like in English:

❌ Na elke ruzie proberen we te praten in kleine stappen vriendelijk met elkaar.
(understandable but feels clumsy/bad word order)

Most natural is to keep te praten at or near the end, with its complements immediately before it:

Na elke ruzie proberen we in kleine stappen vriendelijk met elkaar te praten.
Na elke ruzie proberen we vriendelijk met elkaar in kleine stappen te praten. (also possible, different emphasis)

General guideline:
In main clauses, keep “te + infinitive” toward the end, after adverbials and objects, unless you have a specific stylistic reason.

What does “in kleine stappen” really mean here? Is it literal, or more like an expression?

“in kleine stappen” literally means “in small steps”, but it’s often used metaphorically:

in kleine stappen = gradually, step by step, not all at once.

In your sentence, it suggests:

we try to improve our way of talking gradually, making small progress each time.

Some near‑synonyms:

stap voor stap – step by step
langzaam – slowly
geleidelijk – gradually

You could say, for example:

Na elke ruzie proberen we stap voor stap vriendelijker met elkaar te praten.

Is “vriendelijk” here an adjective or an adverb? Why not “vriendelijke”?

In Dutch, “vriendelijk” can function as:

An adjective:
- een vriendelijke man – a friendly man
  (the ‑e ending is added before a de‑word in attributive position)
An adverb‑like modifier of the verb:
- vriendelijk praten – to talk kindly / in a friendly way

In your sentence:

vriendelijk describes how we talk → it modifies the verb “praten”, so it’s adverbial in function.

You only use “vriendelijke” (with ‑e) when it comes directly before a noun:

een vriendelijke vrouw – a friendly woman
vriendelijke woorden – friendly words

So:

Correct: vriendelijk met elkaar praten
Incorrect in this context: vriendelijke met elkaar praten (no noun after vriendelijke)

What does “met elkaar” add, and how is it different from “samen”?

met elkaar literally: “with each other / with one another”
→ focus on a mutual relationship between the people involved.
samen: “together”
→ more neutral, just indicates they’re doing something jointly.

Subtle difference:

met elkaar praten – talk to each other (mutual, reciprocal)
samen praten – talk together, more general; can be almost the same, but the reciprocal idea is weaker.

In your sentence, met elkaar highlights that the people who had the argument are now talking to each other, not just talking in the same room.

Is there a difference between “praten” and “spreken”? Could I say “te spreken” instead of “te praten”?

Both praten and spreken can mean “to talk / to speak”, but there are nuances:

praten
- More informal, everyday talking, chatting.
- Common with met elkaar, over iets:
  - We praten vaak over onze gevoelens. – We often talk about our feelings.
spreken
- Slightly more formal or serious.
- Often used for:
  - speaking a language: Ik spreek Nederlands.
  - giving a speech: Hij spreekt voor het publiek.
  - formal discussions: Met wie kan ik hierover spreken?

In your context, “te praten” is more natural because it’s about friendly, interpersonal conversation after a fight.

You could say “te spreken”; it would sound a bit more formal or distant:

Na elke ruzie proberen we in kleine stappen vriendelijk met elkaar te spreken.
→ Grammatically fine, but less common in this emotional/relationship context.

How do you pronounce tricky words like “ruzie”, “elkaar”, and “vriendelijk”?

Approximate IPA and hints:

ruzie – /ˈry.zi/
- ru like French u or German ü (not English “roo”)
- stress on the first syllable: RÚ‑zie
elkaar – /ɛlˈkaːr/
- el like ell
- kaar with a long aa /aː/ (like father but a bit longer)
- stress on the second syllable: el‑KÁÁR
vriendelijk – /ˈvrɪn.də.lək/ or /ˈvriːn.də.lək/ (regional variation)
- vrie/vrin: say v
  - rolled or tapped r
    - short i
- de = schwa /ə/, like the (unstressed) in English
- final lijk often reduced to /lək/, similar to luck but shorter
- stress on the first syllable: VRIEN‑delijk

Full sentence, roughly:

Na elke ruzie proberen we in kleine stappen vriendelijk met elkaar te praten.
/naː ˈɛlkə ˈry.zi proˈbeː.rə(n) wə ɪn ˈklɛi̯.nə ˈstɑ.pə(n) ˈvrɪn.də.lək mɛt ɛlˈkaːr tə ˈpraː.tə(n)/

(Exact pronunciation varies by region, but this is a good general guide.)