Вместо того чтобы спорить в чате, давай спокойно поговорим по телефону.

It means instead of doing something or rather than doing something.

In this sentence:

Вместо того чтобы спорить в чате, давай спокойно поговорим по телефону.

the first part means:

Instead of arguing in the chat...

This is a very common Russian structure:

• вместо того чтобы + infinitive
• instead of + verb-ing

Examples:

• Вместо того чтобы работать, он смотрит видео.
  = Instead of working, he watches videos.

• Вместо того чтобы злиться, попробуй объяснить.
  = Instead of getting angry, try explaining.

It introduces an action that is being rejected in favor of another one.

This is part of a fixed expression: вместо того чтобы.

On its own, вместо normally takes the genitive case:

• вместо чая = instead of tea
• вместо меня = instead of me

In вместо того чтобы, the word того is the genitive singular form of то and helps create the idiomatic link to the following clause.

So it is best learned as a whole chunk:

вместо того чтобы = instead of doing / rather than doing

You usually do not need to analyze того separately every time you use the phrase.

In this structure, чтобы connects the phrase to the infinitive verb.

So:

• вместо того чтобы спорить
  = instead of arguing

Russian often uses чтобы in patterns that introduce an action, purpose, or a kind of subordinate idea. Here it is simply part of the set expression вместо того чтобы.

Do not translate it too literally word by word here. The whole phrase works as one unit.

Because after вместо того чтобы, Russian commonly uses the infinitive to name the action in a general way.

So:

• вместо того чтобы спорить = instead of arguing
• вместо того чтобы писать = instead of writing
• вместо того чтобы ждать = instead of waiting

This is similar to English instead of arguing, where English uses a gerund and Russian uses an infinitive.

Спорить is imperfective, and that makes sense here because the sentence refers to the activity in general: arguing/chat-fighting as a process.

With вместо того чтобы, Russian often prefers the imperfective when speaking about an action as an ongoing activity or general behavior.

• спорить = to argue, be arguing
• поспорить = to argue for a while / have an argument once

Here the idea is not instead of having one completed argument, but rather instead of arguing back and forth in the chat. So спорить fits better.

Давай + first person plural future/perfective is a very common way to say let’s ... in informal Russian.

So:

• давай поговорим = let’s talk
• давай посмотрим = let’s see
• давай подумаем = let’s think

Literally, давай comes from давать and originally means something like give / let’s give, but in modern speech it often just functions like let’s.

This sentence is using an informal, conversational tone.

Because давай поговорим is the normal way to say let’s talk about a specific conversation.

Compare:

• говорить = to speak, to be speaking, to talk in general
• поговорить = to have a talk, to talk for a while

So:

• давай поговорим = let’s have a talk / let’s talk it over
• давай говорить can exist, but it usually means something more like let’s start speaking or let’s speak in general, and it is much less natural here

In this sentence, the speaker wants one concrete calm conversation by phone, so поговорим is exactly right.

Поговорить is perfective and often suggests a bounded, complete conversation: a talk that happens and reaches some kind of point.

Here it gives the sense:

• let’s talk it through
• let’s have a proper conversation
• let’s discuss this calmly

If you used говорить, it would sound less natural in this context because the speaker is proposing a specific action, not just describing the process of speaking.

These are just the normal prepositional patterns for these expressions.

• в чате = in the chat
• по телефону = by phone / on the phone

Russian uses different prepositions with different nouns:

• в чате literally means in the chat
• по телефону is the standard expression for communication by telephone

You should learn по телефону as a set phrase, just like:

• по радио = on the radio
• по телевизору = on TV

A learner might want to say на телефоне, but that usually does not mean on the phone in this sense.

Спокойно means calmly.

In this sentence it suggests the tone the speaker wants:

• not emotionally
• not aggressively
• not in the chaotic style of chat arguing

So the sentence contrasts:

• спорить в чате = argue in the chat
• спокойно поговорим по телефону = talk calmly on the phone

It is not only about manner, but also about attitude.

That is the most natural position here. It modifies the way the conversation should happen:

давай спокойно поговорим
= let’s talk calmly

Russian word order is flexible, but placement affects emphasis.

Compare:

• давай спокойно поговорим = neutral, natural
• давай поговорим спокойно = also possible, with a slightly different rhythm
• спокойно давай поговорим = possible only in special contexts, more marked

The version in the sentence sounds smooth and idiomatic.

Because Вместо того чтобы спорить в чате is an introductory subordinate-like phrase before the main clause:

• Вместо того чтобы спорить в чате,
• давай спокойно поговорим по телефону.

The comma separates the instead of... part from the main proposal.

This is standard Russian punctuation.

Because in this sentence вместо того чтобы is functioning as a single fixed conjunction-like expression.

So you write:

• Вместо того чтобы спорить в чате, давай...

not:

• Вместо того, чтобы спорить... in this usage

In modern standard usage, when вместо того чтобы introduces an alternative action like instead of doing X, it is usually written without a comma inside the phrase.

Yes, давай is informal and is used with:

• friends
• family
• peers
• people you address with ты

A more polite or plural version is:

• давайте спокойно поговорим по телефону

That would fit when speaking to:

• more than one person
• one person you address with вы
• a more formal situation

So the sentence as given sounds personal and informal.

Yes, Russian word order is flexible, but some versions sound more natural than others.

Original:

• Вместо того чтобы спорить в чате, давай спокойно поговорим по телефону.

Possible alternatives:

• Давай вместо того, чтобы спорить в чате, спокойно поговорим по телефону.
• Давай спокойно поговорим по телефону вместо того, чтобы спорить в чате.

These are grammatically possible, but the original is probably the cleanest and most natural if you want to begin with the contrast: instead of arguing in the chat...

Not necessarily.

Спорить usually means:

• to argue
• to dispute
• to debate

It can be emotional, but it does not always mean a full hostile fight.

If Russian wanted a stronger sense like quarrel or fight verbally, other verbs might be used, for example:

• ссориться = to quarrel
• ругаться = to argue angrily / curse at each other

So спорить в чате can sound like an unproductive back-and-forth argument, not necessarily a dramatic falling-out.