Learn Hardcore Russian: Я стараюсь доверять друзьям, которые честно говорят, когда я ошибаюсь. - I try to trust friends who honestly say when I am wrong.

стараться + infinitive:
- Я стараюсь работать. – I try to work.
- Я стараюсь помогать. – I try to help.
- Я стараюсь доверять. – I try to trust.

Доверю is the future tense of the perfective verb доверить (to entrust, to trust once / in a specific situation). Here we are talking about a general habit/attitude (“I try to trust friends (in general)”), so we use the infinitive of the imperfective verb: доверять.

What is the difference between стараюсь and пытаюсь?

Both can often be translated as I try, but there is a nuance:

стараюсь (from стараться) – I make an effort, I do my best, often about a regular effort or something you consider important for yourself or your principles.
пытаюсь (from пытаться) – I attempt, more neutral, can be about a single action or experiment.

In this sentence:

Я стараюсь доверять друзьям…
Suggests: “I make a conscious effort to trust friends like this; it’s my intention/ideal.”

Я пытаюсь доверять друзьям… would also be possible, but it can sound a bit more like “I’m having trouble trusting them, but I’m attempting to.”

Why do we use которые, and how does it agree with друзьям?

Которые is a relative pronoun: who/that/which.

It must agree in gender and number with the noun it refers to.
Its case is determined by its function inside its own clause.

Here:

It refers to друзьям → “friends” → masculine, plural.
So the relative pronoun must be которые (masc./fem. plural).

Inside the relative clause которые честно говорят, которые is the subject of the verb говорят, so it is in the nominative case.

That’s why we have this combination:

Main clause: друзьям – dative plural (required by доверять)
Relative clause: которые – nominative plural (subject of говорят)

Even though друзьям is in the dative, которые appears in nominative because of its role in its own clause.

Why is говорят in the present tense, not future like скажут?

Говорят is present tense, imperfective, and here it expresses a general, repeated action:

которые честно говорят, когда я ошибаюсь
= “who honestly tell (me) when I’m wrong” / “who are the kind of people that say it when I’m wrong.”

If you said которые честно скажут, that would be perfective future: “who will honestly (at some point) say…”, usually about specific future situations, not a general character trait.

Because the sentence describes what these friends generally do / tend to do, говорят is the natural choice.

Why is the verb ошибаюсь reflexive (with -сь)?

Ошибаюсь comes from the reflexive verb ошибаться – to be mistaken / to make a mistake.

ошибаться literally means “to err oneself”, but in modern Russian it just corresponds to English “to be wrong / to make a mistake”.

Examples:

Я иногда ошибаюсь. – I’m sometimes wrong.
Если я ошибаюсь, поправь меня. – If I’m wrong, correct me.

There is also a non‑reflexive verb ошибить(ся), but in practice you almost always talk about yourself being wrong with ошибаться (imperf.) or ошибиться (perf. once):

Я ошибся. – I was wrong / I made a mistake (on one occasion).

Why is it когда я ошибаюсь and not если я ошибаюсь?

Both are grammatically possible, but they mean slightly different things:

когда я ошибаюсь – literally “when I’m wrong”, but here it has the sense of “whenever I’m wrong”; it suggests a repeated, typical situation and is natural for describing habits or principles.
если я ошибаюсь – “if I’m wrong”; it emphasizes the condition (“on the condition that I am wrong”), a bit less like a general rule about the friends’ behavior.

In this sentence, we’re describing what kind of friends these are, in general, so когда = “whenever” sounds more natural.

Is there any difference between честно говорят and говорят честно?

Both word orders are grammatically correct and mean essentially the same: they speak honestly / they tell the truth.

честно говорят – the adverb честно (honestly) comes first; you may feel a slightly stronger focus on the manner: “they honestly tell (me)…”
говорят честно – more neutral order; “they speak honestly.”

In normal speech, both would be understood in the same way, and the difference is very subtle.

Why are there commas before которые and before когда?

Russian uses commas to separate subordinate clauses.

друзьям, которые честно говорят…
- которые честно говорят… is a relative clause describing друзьям (“friends who…”).
- It is non‑restrictive / descriptive here, so it’s separated by a comma.
…говорят, когда я ошибаюсь.
- когда я ошибаюсь is an adverbial clause of time (when).
- In Russian, clauses introduced by когда are normally separated by a comma.

So each subordinate clause (которые честно говорят… and когда я ошибаюсь) is set off by a comma.

Could you explain the overall nuance of Я стараюсь доверять друзьям… compared to simply Я доверяю друзьям…?

Я доверяю друзьям… – “I trust (my) friends…”
States a fact about what you typically do or feel.
Я стараюсь доверять друзьям… – “I try to trust friends…”
Implies:
- This is your goal / principle.
- It may not always be easy or fully true in practice.
- You are making a conscious effort to be this kind of person.

So the original sentence has a self‑reflective tone: you want to be someone who trusts friends who are honest with you about your mistakes.