Learn Hardcore Indonesian: Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu. - I do not want to talk with my ex at that cafe.

In everyday speech, if you say dengan mantan, people will normally assume you mean your own ex (partner) unless context clearly suggests someone else’s ex. So:

Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
→ natural, understood as my ex.
Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan saya di kafe itu.
→ also correct, slightly more explicit.

Both are fine; the shorter one is common in casual conversation.

Why do we use tidak here and not bukan?

Indonesian has two main words for not: tidak and bukan.

tidak negates verbs and adjectives.
bukan negates nouns / noun phrases.

In the sentence:

The part being negated is mau bicara (want to talk) → a verb phrase.
So we use tidak: tidak mau bicara = do not want to talk.

Examples:

Saya tidak lapar. – I am not hungry. (adjective)
Saya bukan dokter. – I am not a doctor. (noun)
Saya tidak mau bicara. – I do not want to talk. (verb phrase)

Using bukan here (Saya bukan mau bicara) would be wrong or, in some contexts, sound like you are correcting a misunderstanding (e.g. It’s not that I want to talk…), which is a different meaning.

What exactly does tidak mau bicara mean? Is it “don’t want to” or “won’t”? Is there a feeling of refusal?

tidak mau bicara combines:

tidak = not
mau = want / be willing
bicara = talk / speak

So it literally means not want to talk / not willing to talk.

Nuances:

It can mean don’t want to talk (right now), won’t talk, or refuse to talk, depending on context and tone.
It often carries a sense of refusal or unwillingness, similar to English I don’t want to talk or I won’t talk.

Compare:

Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan.
→ I don’t want to / won’t talk to my ex. (unwilling)
Saya tidak suka bicara dengan mantan.
→ I don’t like talking to my ex. (general dislike, not necessarily refusal)
Saya tidak akan bicara dengan mantan.
→ I will not talk to my ex. (stronger, future-oriented decision).

What’s the difference between mau and ingin? Could I say Saya tidak ingin bicara…?

Both mau and ingin express wanting.

mau
- Very common, everyday, neutral.
- Often feels a bit more casual / practical: want, gonna.
ingin
- Slightly more formal / careful.
- Often used in writing, speeches, or when you want to sound more polite or soft.

In this sentence, both are grammatically fine:

Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
→ very natural, everyday speech.
Saya tidak ingin bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
→ also correct, sounds a bit more formal or restrained.

In casual spoken Indonesian, mau is much more common than ingin.

What does bicara do here? Is there a difference between bicara and berbicara, or ngomong / ngobrol?

bicara here is a verb meaning to talk / to speak.

Common options:

bicara – talk, speak
berbicara – also talk, speak, often a bit more formal
ngomong, ngobrol – informal, colloquial (like talk / chat).

In this sentence you could say:

Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan… (neutral)
Saya tidak mau berbicara dengan mantan… (a bit more formal / careful)
Saya nggak mau ngomong sama mantan… (colloquial, casual)
Saya nggak mau ngobrol sama mantan… (very much like I don’t want to chat with my ex).

For standard Indonesian, bicara or berbicara are safest. berbicara is often preferred in formal writing, but bicara is extremely common in speech and writing as well.

Why do we use dengan before mantan? Can I leave dengan out?

dengan is a preposition that among other things means with (in the sense of “together with someone”).

bicara dengan seseorang = talk with / talk to someone

In this sentence:

bicara dengan mantan = talk with my ex / talk to my ex

You cannot just say bicara mantan to mean talk to my ex. You need a preposition:

bicara dengan mantan (standard)
ngomong sama mantan (informal: sama often used instead of dengan in speech)
bicara kepada mantan (more formal, slightly “to” rather than “with”).

So dengan is necessary (or another preposition like sama / kepada) if you want to specify who you’re talking to.

What does di kafe itu literally mean? Could we use ke instead of di?

di = at / in / on → location (where something is).
ke = to → direction (where something is going).

di kafe itu = at that café / in that café.

In the sentence:

… di kafe itu means the action (not wanting to talk) is about that location.
Using ke here (… ke kafe itu) would mean to that café (movement), which doesn’t fit the idea at that café.

Compare:

Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
→ I don’t want to talk to my ex at that café.
Saya tidak mau pergi ke kafe itu dengan mantan.
→ I don’t want to go to that café with my ex.

So for being in/at a place, use di, not ke.

What is the role of itu after kafe? Why not put it somewhere else?

itu is a demonstrative meaning that (as opposed to ini = this).

kafe itu = that café (a specific café, probably already known in the conversation).
di kafe itu = at that café.

In Indonesian, itu normally comes after the noun it modifies:

kafe itu – that café
orang itu – that person
mobil itu – that car

You don’t say itu kafe for that café in normal Indonesian; itu kafe sounds more like that’s a café in some contexts.

Can I leave out Saya? Would Tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu still be correct?

Yes, Indonesian often drops the subject pronoun when it’s clear from context.

Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
→ Full, explicit: I don’t want to talk to my ex at that café.
Tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
→ Grammatically fine in conversation if it’s clear we’re talking about me.

In a dialogue:

A: Kenapa kamu kelihatan marah?
(Why do you look angry?)
B: Tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
(Don’t want to talk to my ex at that café.)

Here, Saya is understood. In careful writing or when the subject might be unclear, it’s safer to include Saya.

How does tense work here? How do I say I didn’t want or I won’t want?

Indonesian verbs do not change form for tense. Time is shown by context or time words.

Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu. can mean:

I don’t want to talk to my ex at that café (now / generally).
I didn’t want to talk to my ex at that café (if the time was already established as past).
I won’t want to talk to my ex at that café (in some future context, though this is less typical).

To be clear, you add time markers:

Tadi saya tidak mau bicara… – earlier I didn’t want to talk…
Kemarin saya tidak mau bicara… – yesterday I didn’t want to talk…
Besok saya tidak mau bicara… – tomorrow I don’t / won’t want to talk…
Nanti saya tidak mau bicara… – later I don’t / won’t want to talk…

For a strong future refusal, you can use tidak akan:

Saya tidak akan bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
→ I will not talk to my ex at that café (strong decision).

Can I change the word order, like Di kafe itu saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan?

Yes, Indonesian word order is flexible, especially for adverbials (time/place), though the original order is the most neutral.

All of these are grammatically correct, with slightly different emphasis:

Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
→ Neutral: I don’t want to talk to my ex at that café.
Di kafe itu saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan.
→ Emphasizes at that café (contrast with other places):
At that café, I don’t want to talk to my ex (maybe somewhere else is okay).
Dengan mantan saya tidak mau bicara di kafe itu.
→ Emphasizes with my ex:
With my ex, I don’t want to talk at that café (maybe with others is okay).

In conversation, (1) is the most common and natural. Others are used when you want to highlight a particular part.

How informal or formal is this sentence? What changes if I use aku / gue or nggak?

The original sentence is fairly neutral, maybe slightly leaning formal because of Saya and tidak.

Saya – neutral, polite, used almost everywhere.
aku – more personal/intimate, used with friends, family, people your age.
gue / gua – very informal, Jakarta slang and surrounding areas.
tidak – standard, neutral.
nggak / gak / enggak – informal, everyday spoken “not”.

Variants:

Aku tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
→ informal personal, still standard grammar.
Aku nggak mau bicara sama mantan di kafe itu.
→ casual spoken.
Gue nggak mau ngomong sama mantan di kafe itu.
→ very casual, Jakarta-style slang.

Choose pronouns and tidak / nggak depending on who you’re speaking to and the setting.

Does mantan always mean ex-boyfriend/girlfriend? Is it okay to say just mantan without another noun?

mantan is originally an adjective meaning former / ex-:

mantan pacar – ex-boyfriend / ex-girlfriend
mantan suami – ex-husband
mantan istri – ex-wife
mantan bos – former boss
mantan presiden – former president

However, in everyday speech, mantan by itself has come to commonly mean ex (romantic partner).

So:

Saya tidak mau bicara dengan mantan di kafe itu.
→ naturally understood as I don’t want to talk to my ex (boyfriend/girlfriend/partner) at that café.

If it’s important to be clearer, you can say:

mantan pacar saya – my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend
mantan suami saya – my ex-husband
mantan istri saya – my ex-wife.

But in many casual conversations, mantan alone is enough and normally refers to an ex-romantic partner.