Learn Hardcore Malay: Teman saya belum berkahwin, tetapi dia mencari pasangan yang sabar dan kelakar. - My friend is not married yet, but he/she is looking for a partner who is patient and funny.

teman – literally companion. Can mean friend, but also often used in closer or more special relationships:
- teman lelaki = boyfriend
- teman wanita / teman perempuan = girlfriend
  In writing, teman can sound a bit more formal or literary depending on context.
kawan – the most common, neutral word for friend in everyday speech.
- kawan saya = my friend
  This is what you’ll hear very often in casual conversation.
rakan – sounds more formal and is often used for colleague, associate, or fellow.
- rakan sekerja = colleague
- rakan sekelas = classmate

In this sentence, Teman saya could be replaced by Kawan saya without changing the meaning much.

Why is belum used instead of tidak in belum berkahwin?

belum means not yet – it implies that something has not happened up to now, but it might happen in the future.
tidak means not (simple negation), with no “yet” or future implication.

So:

Teman saya belum berkahwin.
= My friend is not married yet (and may marry in the future).

If you said:

Teman saya tidak berkahwin.
it can sound more like My friend does not marry / doesn’t get married (a more general or habitual statement), and in many contexts it sounds odd or unnatural. For marital status, belum berkahwin is the usual phrase.

What does the prefix ber- in berkahwin mean? Why not just kahwin?

In Malay, the prefix ber- often creates intransitive verbs (no direct object) that describe having, being in a state, or performing an action.

kahwin (root) = to marry / marriage (informal), sometimes used as a verb by itself in speech.
berkahwin = to be married / to get married (more “proper” or standard as a verb form).

In standard written Malay, berkahwin is preferred when you say someone is married or gets married:

Dia sudah berkahwin. = He/She is (already) married.
Mereka akan berkahwin. = They will get married.

In everyday conversation, many people simply say kahwin as a verb (Dia dah kahwin), but berkahwin is the grammatically complete form.

Why is mencari used instead of cari? What does the men- prefix do?

The prefix meN- (here realized as men-) is the standard way to form active transitive verbs in Malay.

cari (root) = search / look for
mencari = to look for / to search for (as an active verb with a direct object)

In standard Malay, before a direct object you usually use the meN- form:

Dia mencari pasangan. = He/She is looking for a partner.
Dia mencari kerja. = He/She is looking for a job.

In casual speech, Malays sometimes say dia cari pasangan (dropping men-), and it’s understood, but mencari is the grammatically standard form.

How is the word tetapi used? Can I replace it with tapi?

tetapi means but / however and is the standard and more formal conjunction.
tapi is the colloquial, shortened form used very commonly in speech and informal writing.

In this sentence:

… belum berkahwin, tetapi dia mencari …
is stylistically neutral to formal.

In casual conversation, you would often hear:

… belum kahwin, tapi dia cari …

Both have the same meaning; the main difference is formality.

Why is dia used for “he” or “she”? How do you show gender in Malay?

Dia is a gender‑neutral third-person singular pronoun. It can mean he or she.

Malay normally does not mark gender in pronouns. To clarify gender, you can add extra words:

dia (seorang) lelaki = he (male person)
dia (seorang) perempuan = she (female person)

Or you specify the role:

teman lelaki saya = my boyfriend (male)
teman wanita / teman perempuan saya = my girlfriend (female)

But in many situations, gender is obvious from context, so dia alone is enough.

What does pasangan mean exactly? Is it romantic only?

Pasangan comes from pasang (pair/set) + the suffix -an, and it basically means partner, pair, or counterpart.

In this sentence, pasangan is clearly romantic partner (someone to marry or be in a relationship with).

However, pasangan can also be used in non‑romantic contexts:

pasangan menari = dance partner
pasangan suami isteri = a married couple (husband and wife)
pasangan bergu dalam tenis = doubles partner in tennis

So it doesn’t have to be romantic, but here it naturally is.

How does yang work in pasangan yang sabar dan kelakar?

Yang is a very important word in Malay. Here, it functions like a relative pronoun (“who / that”) connecting a noun to a descriptive phrase.

pasangan = partner
yang sabar dan kelakar = who is patient and funny

So:

pasangan yang sabar dan kelakar
literally: partner who [is] patient and funny

Pattern: Noun + yang + description
Examples:

orang yang tinggi = a person who is tall
guru yang baik = a teacher who is kind
rumah yang besar = a house that is big

Note that Malay omits the verb “to be” here; it’s understood.

Are sabar and kelakar adjectives or verbs? How are they used?

They function here as adjectives:

sabar = patient (also: patience)
kelakar = funny, humorous (often for people or things that make you laugh)

In Malay, words like these often behave as both adjectives and abstract nouns, and sometimes even verbs, depending on context:

Dia sangat sabar. = He/She is very patient. (adjective)
Kesabaran itu penting. = Patience is important. (noun: kesabaran is the derived noun form)

Similarly:

Dia kelakar. = He/She is funny.
Cerita itu kelakar. = That story is funny.

In pasangan yang sabar dan kelakar, they’re describing the type of partner.

Why is there no word for “is” or “are” before sabar and kelakar?

Malay generally does not use a separate verb equivalent to English “to be” (is/are/am) when:

describing qualities (adjectives)
stating identity (A is B)
giving categories

Here, instead of saying “who is patient and funny,” Malay simply uses:

pasangan yang sabar dan kelakar
literally “partner who patient and funny”.

The linking idea “is” is understood. This is normal Malay structure.

Can sabar also mean “to be patient” as an imperative, like “Be patient!”?

Yes. Malay often uses the same root word for adjective, noun, and sometimes imperative:

Sabar! = Be patient! (said to someone)
Bersabarlah. = Please be patient / do be patient (slightly softer, more formal).

So sabar can be:

adjective: Dia sangat sabar. = He/She is very patient.
command: Sabar, ya. = Be patient, okay.

Could you rephrase the sentence in more casual spoken Malay?

A more casual version that you might hear in conversation:

Kawan aku belum kahwin, tapi dia tengah cari pasangan yang sabar dan kelakar.

Differences:

kawan instead of teman (more common in speech)
aku instead of saya (informal “I/me”)
kahwin instead of berkahwin (colloquial verb form)
tapi instead of tetapi (informal conjunction)
tengah cari explicitly shows “in the middle of looking” (progressive aspect)

The original sentence is neutral and perfectly correct; this version is just more colloquial.