Learn Hardcore Spanish (Latin America): Para llevarnos bien en la familia, hay que hablar con respeto incluso cuando queremos pelear. - To get along well in the family, you have to speak respectfully even when we feel like fighting.

Llevar by itself usually means to carry, to take, or to wear.
When made reflexive (llevarse), it forms this idiomatic meaning: to get along.
Nos is the reflexive pronoun for “we/us”, so llevarnos bien = for us to get along (well).

So para llevarnos bien en la familia literally is “in order for us to get along well in the family.”

Why is it llevarnos (pronoun attached) and not nos llevar?

With an infinitive, you can place the pronoun either:

Attached to the infinitive:
- para llevarnos bien
Before the conjugated verb (if there is one):
- para que nos llevemos bien (different structure)

In your exact sentence, the infinitive llevar does not have a conjugated helper verb right before it, so it’s natural to attach nos: llevarnos.

If the sentence were something like vamos a llevarnos bien, you could also say nos vamos a llevar bien. With ir a + infinitive, both positions are possible. Here, since there’s no ir, you just attach nos to the infinitive.

What is the difference between llevarnos bien and llevarnos without bien?

In this expression, bien is essential:

llevarse bien (con alguien) = to get along (well) with someone.
llevarse mal (con alguien) = to not get along / to get along badly.

If you just say llevarnos without bien or mal, people will usually expect more context, and it may be confusing or mean something else (like “to take/carry each other” in some very specific context). So for “get along,” always use llevarse bien (or mal).

What does hay que mean, and how is it different from tenemos que?

Hay que + infinitive expresses an impersonal, general obligation:

Hay que hablar con respeto = One must speak with respect / You have to speak with respect (in general) / It’s necessary to speak with respect.

It doesn’t say who exactly has to do it; it’s like a general rule.

Tener que + infinitive is personal:

Tenemos que hablar con respeto = We have to speak with respect.

In your sentence, hay que hablar con respeto sounds like a general principle for everyone in the family, not just “we.”

Why is it para llevarnos bien and not para que nos llevemos bien?

Both are possible, but they’re slightly different structures:

para + infinitive
- Para llevarnos bien, hay que…
- Neutral, compact, and quite common. Literally: In order to get along well, you have to…
para que + subjunctive
- Para que nos llevemos bien, hay que…
- Also correct; it sounds a bit more explicit and slightly more formal or emphatic: So that we get along well, you have to…

Many speakers use para + infinitive for these general-purpose statements because it’s shorter and very natural in speech.

Why is it en la familia and not con la familia?

Both can work, but they focus slightly differently:

en la familia = within the family / in the family environment.
- Focus on the setting or group as a space: inside the family, as a unit.
con la familia = with the family (members).
- Focus a bit more on your interaction with the people.

So:

Para llevarnos bien en la familia = To get along well within the family context.
Para llevarnos bien con la familia = To get along well with our family members.

In practice, they’re very close in meaning here; en la familia sounds completely natural and common.

What does hablar con respeto literally mean, and is there another way to say it?

Literally, hablar con respeto = “to speak with respect”.

Other possible expressions:

Hablar respetuosamente = to speak respectfully (more formal, more “written”).
Hablar de manera respetuosa / hablar de forma respetuosa = to speak in a respectful way.

In everyday Latin American Spanish, hablar con respeto is very common and sounds natural and clear.

What does incluso mean here, and how is it different from hasta or aun?

Incluso here means “even” (in the sense of “including in a surprising or extreme situation”).

…hablar con respeto incluso cuando queremos pelear.
= “…speak with respect even when we want to fight.”

Similar words:

hasta can also mean “even”, but it’s a bit more colloquial in some contexts:
- Hablar con respeto hasta cuando queremos pelear.
aun (without accent) can also mean “even”, but its use varies by country and can be a bit more literary or old-fashioned-sounding in some places.

Incluso is a safe, neutral choice in most of Latin America for “even” in this type of sentence.

Why is it cuando queremos pelear (indicative) and not cuando queramos pelear (subjunctive)?

Both could be used, but they give slightly different nuances:

cuando queremos pelear (indicative)
- Describes a real, typical situation: when we (actually) want to fight, when that happens in real life.
- Sounds more descriptive and matter-of-fact.
cuando queramos pelear (subjunctive)
- More hypothetical or general: whenever we might want to fight.
- Feels a bit more formal or rule-like.

In everyday speech, the indicative (cuando queremos pelear) is very common for talking about situations that really occur and we’re referring to them in a general, habitual way.

Does pelear here mean to physically fight or to argue?

In much of Latin America, pelear can mean:

to fight physically, or
to argue / to have a serious verbal fight.

In a family context, queremos pelear usually means “we want to fight/argue with each other”—not necessarily physically, more like we feel like having a big argument.

If you need to be clearer, you can say:

pelear físicamente = to fight physically
pelear / discutir / pelearse = to argue, to have a quarrel

Why is the structure hay que hablar and not es necesario hablar or debemos hablar?

All three are correct but carry slightly different tones:

hay que hablar
- Very common, natural, slightly informal/neutral.
- Suggests a general rule or necessity.
es necesario hablar
- More formal, more like a written or official recommendation.
debemos hablar
- Includes “we” explicitly and adds a sense of duty or moral obligation: we ought to / we should.

The sentence uses hay que because it states a general family rule in a natural, spoken style.

Can the word order of incluso change? For example, can I say hay que incluso hablar con respeto?

The most natural placements in this sentence are:

…hay que hablar con respeto incluso cuando queremos pelear.
…hay que hablar incluso con respeto cuando queremos pelear. (less common, but possible)

Putting incluso between hay que and hablar (hay que incluso hablar) sounds awkward and is generally avoided.

A simple rule of thumb:

Keep incluso right before the part you want to emphasize as surprising.
In your sentence, that’s logically the time phrase (cuando queremos pelear), so incluso cuando… is ideal.

Is there another way to say llevarnos bien in Latin American Spanish?

Yes, some common alternatives include:

llevarse bien (same verb, just in the infinitive)
- Nos llevamos bien. = We get along.
tener buena relación
- Tenemos buena relación en la familia. = We have a good relationship in the family.
llevar una buena relación
- Llevamos una buena relación en la familia.

However, for “get along (well),” llevarse bien is by far the most common and natural expression.