Learn Hardcore Croatian: U obitelji se ponekad dogodi mala svađa za stolom. - In the family a small argument sometimes happens at the table.

you use locative for location (where?):
- u obitelji – in the family
- u kući – in the house
you use accusative for direction (into where?):
- u obitelj (rare in this noun, more common with places) – into the family
- u kuću – into the house

Here it’s about a situation within the family, so locative makes sense: u obitelji = in the family.

Why is se used, and why does it go after u obitelji?

se is a reflexive clitic that belongs to the verb dogoditi se (to happen, to occur).

dogoditi alone = to cause to happen (rare/transitive use)
dogoditi se = to happen (intransitive, the usual everyday meaning)

So:

dogodi se ≈ happens / occurs

About its position:

Croatian clitics (like se, je, su, mi, ti) usually stand in the second position in the sentence or clause.
The first “slot” in this sentence is u obitelji.
Right after that, you get the clitic: se.

So:

U obitelji se ponekad dogodi… ✅
U obitelji ponekad se dogodi… sounds wrong in standard Croatian.
Ponekad se u obitelji dogodi… ✅ (here ponekad is first, so se comes second)

What is the difference between dogodi se and događa se?

They are two aspects of (almost) the same verb:

dogoditi se – perfective (focus on a single, complete event)
- ponekad se dogodi – sometimes it (fully) happens / occurs
događati se – imperfective (focus on ongoing or repeated action)
- ponekad se događa – it sometimes happens / goes on

In your sentence:

U obitelji se ponekad dogodi mala svađa…
→ suggests that from time to time, a single argument flares up and is seen as a complete event.

You could also say:

U obitelji se ponekad događa mala svađa za stolom.
→ stylistically a bit more neutral for “sometimes there is / there happens” as a repeated situation.

Both are grammatically correct; the nuanced difference is aspect (single event vs general repeated happening).

Could I change the word order to Ponekad se u obitelji dogodi mala svađa za stolom? Does it change the meaning?

Yes, that word order is correct and very natural:

Ponekad se u obitelji dogodi mala svađa za stolom.

The basic meaning remains the same. The difference is focus:

U obitelji se ponekad dogodi…
→ starts with “in the family” as the context/topic.
Ponekad se u obitelji dogodi…
→ starts with “sometimes”, focusing more on the frequency.

Croatian word order is relatively flexible. Common, natural variants here include:

Ponekad se za stolom u obitelji dogodi mala svađa.
U obitelji se za stolom ponekad dogodi mala svađa.

As long as se stays in its second position in the clause, the variants are usually acceptable.

What case is stolom, and why do we say za stolom instead of za stol?

stolom is instrumental singular of stol (table).

The preposition za can take two different cases with different meanings:

za + accusative → direction / movement to a position
- sjedamo za stol – we sit down at the table (we move to that place)
- stavi tanjur za stol – put the plate at the table
za + instrumental → static location (already there)
- sjedimo za stolom – we are sitting at the table
- svađa za stolom – an argument (happening) at the table

In your sentence, the argument happens while people are already at the table, not moving to it, so za stolom (instrumental) is used.

What about mala svađa – what gender and case are these words, and why is the adjective before the noun?

svađa (argument, quarrel) is feminine, nominative singular here. It is the subject of the verb dogodi (se).
mala (from mali, mala, malo – small, little, minor) is an adjective, feminine nominative singular, agreeing with svađa.

So:

mala svađa = a small / minor argument

In Croatian, the normal order is adjective + noun:

mala svađa – a small argument
velika svađa – a big quarrel
obiteljska svađa – a family argument

You can invert the order (svađa mala), but that is:

unusual in everyday speech, and
would sound very poetic or emphatic, not neutral.

Why is the verb dogodi in the singular when this is a general statement that could refer to many arguments over time?

The verb is in 3rd person singular because it agrees with its grammatical subject:

Subject: mala svađa (one argument, singular)
Verb: dogodi (se) – 3rd person singular

The fact that the sentence is general (“sometimes”) doesn’t change agreement; it just means this singular event can happen more than once over time.

English does the same kind of thing:

Sometimes *a small argument happens at the table.*

If you wanted to describe multiple arguments as the grammatical subject, you’d put both the noun and verb in the plural:

U obitelji se ponekad dogode male svađe za stolom.
→ In the family, small arguments sometimes happen at the table.

Is U obitelji se ponekad dogode male svađe za stolom also correct, and how is it different?

Yes, this version is correct:

U obitelji se ponekad dogode male svađe za stolom.

Differences:

Number
- mala svađa / dogodi – singular: one argument
- male svađe / dogode – plural: arguments (more than one)
Nuance
- Singular: focusing on the idea that a quarrel (one event) sometimes breaks out.
- Plural: suggesting that several quarrels are a recurring phenomenon, viewed more as a category/pattern.

Both are natural; the singular is a bit more “a quarrel now and then”, the plural more “quarrels are a thing that sometimes happen”.

Is there a more idiomatic way to say “an argument happens”, like dođe do svađe?

Yes, doći do + genitive is a very common idiomatic pattern.

doći do svađe – literally to come to an argument, idiomatically an argument breaks out / there ends up being an argument.

You could say:

U obitelji ponekad dođe do male svađe za stolom.

This is very natural and frequently used. Roughly:

In the family, it sometimes comes to a small argument at the table.

Both dogodi se svađa and dođe do svađe are correct; dođe do svađe is somewhat more idiomatic in spoken language for “things escalate into an argument”.

Can I express this with posvađati se, like Ponekad se posvađamo za stolom? How does that differ?

Yes, that’s another natural way, but it changes the structure:

posvađati se – to have an argument, to fall out, to quarrel
It’s a reflexive verb meaning “(people) argue with each other”.

For example:

Ponekad se za stolom posvađamo.
→ Sometimes we argue at the table.

Differences:

Subject
- In the original sentence, the subject is mala svađa (an argument).
- With posvađati se, the subject is usually people (we, they, parents, etc.):
  - Roditelji se ponekad posvađaju za stolom.
    The parents sometimes argue at the table.
Focus
- dogodi se mala svađa – focuses on the event (an argument as a thing that happens).
- posvađamo se – focuses on people’s action (we argue).

Both are correct; they just highlight different aspects.

How would I say this sentence in the past tense?

You mainly change the verb dogodi se into the past tense form, which agrees with the subject svađa (feminine singular):

U obitelji se ponekad dogodila mala svađa za stolom.
→ In the family, a small argument sometimes happened at the table.

Structure:

dogodila – past participle, feminine singular
(je) – auxiliary “to be” in 3rd singular, often omitted in speech here
se – reflexive clitic stays in the usual clitic cluster (2nd position, but in past tense it can appear as se je / je se depending on style; in many colloquial uses je is just dropped)

Spoken, very common:

U obitelji se ponekad dogodila mala svađa za stolom. (without je)

Any pronunciation tips for obitelji, dogodi, and svađa?

Yes:

obitelji – [o-BYE-te-ly] (approx.)
- Stress typically on bi: o-BI-te-lji
- lj is a single sound, like lli in million.
dogodi – [do-GO-dee] (approx.)
- Stress generally on go: do-GO-di.
- All vowels are clear and short; don’t reduce them like in English.
svađa – [SVA-jah] (approx.)
- sv together: like in svelte.
- đ is a soft /dʑ/ sound, similar to “j” in jeans but a bit softer.
- a is like a in father; đa = dja with a soft “j”-like consonant.

Slow, syllable-by-syllable:

o-bi-te-lji
do-go-di
sva-đa