The idea of "self" runs through three different parts of Russian grammar, and each one generates its own family of errors for English speakers. The verb suffix -ся turns a verb reflexive (and changes what objects it can take); the pronoun себя́ means "oneself" and always points back to the subject; the possessive свой means "one's own." English handles all of this with separate words and mostly leaves it optional, so learners under-use свой, mis-build -ся verbs, and most spectacularly invert the verb нра́виться. This page works through the three big traps in turn.
Trap 1: the нра́виться inversion
This is the famous one. нра́виться ("to please / to appeal to") works backwards from English "like." The thing you like is the grammatical subject (nominative), and the person who likes it is in the dative. So "I like this film" is Мне нра́вится э́тот фильм — literally "to-me pleases this film." The film does the pleasing; you receive it.
Мне о́чень нра́вится э́тот фильм, я смотре́л его́ три ра́за.
I really like this film, I've watched it three times.
Ей нра́вятся ста́рые ру́сские пе́сни.
She likes old Russian songs. (plural subject пе́сни → нра́вятся)
The dangerous error is to map "I like" onto Я + нра́виться. But the -ся on нра́виться makes it reflexive, and Я нра́влюсь means "*I am pleasing / I am attractive" — you are the one being liked. It is a real, grammatical sentence with a completely different meaning, which is why the mistake slips past unnoticed.
Ка́жется, я ему́ нра́влюсь — он всё вре́мя на меня́ смо́трит.
I think he likes me — he keeps looking at me. (here Я нра́влюсь is intended: 'I appeal to him')
The full contrast with люби́ть is on the люби́ть vs нра́виться page.
Trap 2: the missing свой
свой means "one's own" and refers back to the subject of the clause. English uses "his / her / their" for both "his own" and "someone else's," so learners reach for его́ / её / их every time — and produce the wrong meaning. Он лю́бит свою́ жену́ means he loves his own wife; Он лю́бит его́ жену́ means he loves someone else's wife (some other man's). The difference is not stylistic; it changes who the wife belongs to.
Он о́чень лю́бит свою́ жену́ и дете́й.
He loves his (own) wife and children very much.
Он встреча́ется с его́ жено́й за его́ спино́й.
He's seeing his (another man's) wife behind his back. (его́ → not the subject's own)
When the possessor is the subject, Russian strongly prefers свой over его́/её/их in the third person. Forgetting it is a meaning error, not just a register slip.
Она́ забы́ла свой зо́нтик в кафе́.
She left her (own) umbrella at the café.
Они́ продаю́т свою́ ста́рую кварти́ру.
They're selling their (own) old flat.
The full distribution (when свой is required, optional, or forbidden) is on the свой page.
Trap 3: the government of -ся verbs
Adding -ся to a verb does more than make it reflexive — it changes what it can combine with. The core rule: a -ся verb cannot take a direct object in the accusative. The -ся is, historically, a swallowed "self," so the accusative slot is already filled. Verbs that were transitive lose their accusative object and instead govern another case — most often the genitive or an instrumental, or a preposition.
The classic example is боя́ться ("to be afraid of"), which takes the genitive, not the accusative. So "to be afraid of dogs" is боя́ться соба́к (genitive plural), never *боя́ться соба́ку.
Я с де́тства бою́сь больши́х соба́к.
I've been afraid of big dogs since childhood. (боя́ться + genitive соба́к)
Не бо́йся темноты́, я ря́дом.
Don't be afraid of the dark, I'm right here. (темнота́ → genitive темноты́)
Other common -ся verbs with non-accusative government: занима́ться + instrumental (занима́ться спо́ртом, "do sport"), по́льзоваться + instrumental (по́льзоваться словарём, "use a dictionary"), интересова́ться + instrumental (интересова́ться му́зыкой), каса́ться + genitive ("concern / touch on").
Моя́ дочь серьёзно занима́ется му́зыкой.
My daughter does music seriously. (занима́ться + instrumental му́зыкой)
Мо́жно воспо́льзоваться ва́шим телефо́ном?
May I use your phone? (по́льзоваться + instrumental телефо́ном)
How -ся verbs are formed and what each pattern means is covered on the forming -ся verbs page; the pronoun себя́, which points to the subject when a separate object is needed, has its own себя́ page.
Common Mistakes
❌ Я нра́влюсь э́тот фильм.
Incorrect for 'I like this film' — this means 'I appeal to this film'; the liker goes in the dative.
✅ Мне нра́вится э́тот фильм.
I like this film.
❌ Он лю́бит его́ жену́. (meaning his own wife)
Incorrect for 'his own' — его́ points to someone else; the subject's own is свою́.
✅ Он лю́бит свою́ жену́.
He loves his (own) wife.
❌ Я бою́сь большу́ю соба́ку.
Incorrect — боя́ться is a -ся verb and takes the genitive, not the accusative.
✅ Я бою́сь большо́й соба́ки.
I'm afraid of the big dog.
❌ Она́ забы́ла её су́мку в авто́бусе. (meaning her own bag)
Incorrect for 'her own' — её means someone else's bag; use свою́.
✅ Она́ забы́ла свою́ су́мку в авто́бусе.
She left her (own) bag on the bus.
❌ Он занима́ется спорт ка́ждый день.
Incorrect — занима́ться takes the instrumental, not the accusative: спо́ртом.
✅ Он занима́ется спо́ртом ка́ждый день.
He does sport every day.
❌ Тебе́ нра́вишься но́вая рабо́та?
Incorrect — the verb agrees with the thing liked (рабо́та), so it's нра́вится.
✅ Тебе́ нра́вится но́вая рабо́та?
Do you like the new job?
Key Takeaways
- нра́виться works backwards: the thing liked is the subject (controls the verb), the liker is in the dative — Мне нра́вится фильм. *Я нра́влюсь means "I am attractive," a different sentence.
- свой = the subject's own. With a third-person subject, его́/её/их mean someone else's; use свой for "his/her/their own" — Он лю́бит свою́ жену́ vs его́ жену́.
- -ся verbs can't take an accusative object. Many govern the genitive (боя́ться соба́к) or instrumental (занима́ться спо́ртом, по́льзоваться словарём) instead.
- All three traps trace to the same source: English leaves "self" optional and uses one set of pronouns, while Russian marks it grammatically and changes the case it demands.
Now practice Russian
Reading grammar gets you part of the way. The exercises are where it sticks — free, no signup needed.
Start learning Russian→Related Topics
- Нравиться / Понравиться (to be pleasing / like)A2 — Complete reference for the dative-experiencer 'like' verb нра́виться / понра́виться, where the liked thing is the nominative SUBJECT and the person who likes it is in the DATIVE (Мне нра́вится му́зыка 'I like music'), with the verb agreeing with the liked thing — plus the crucial contrast with люби́ть, the first-impression use of perfective понра́виться, and full conjugation tables.
- Свой: The Reflexive PossessiveB1 — свой ('one's own') points back to the subject of the clause and agrees with the possessed noun like мой (свой/своя́/своё/свои́). It is what disambiguates Он лю́бит свою́ жену́ ('his own wife') from Он лю́бит его́ жену́ ('another man's wife'). This page gives the full declension, the subject-reference rule, why it can't stand in the subject slot, and the idiom свой челове́к.
- The Reflexive Pronoun СебяB1 — себя́ ('oneself') always refers back to the subject of its clause and works for every person, gender and number with a single set of forms: себя́ (acc/gen), себе́ (dat/prep), собо́й (instr) — and no nominative at all. Я ви́жу себя́ в зе́ркале; Он купи́л себе́ маши́ну; Расскажи́ о себе́; дово́лен собо́й. It powers many fixed phrases (про себя́, не по себе́, сам по себе́, у себя́, к себе́). Distinguish it from the verbal suffix -ся and from the possessive свой.
- Forming and Conjugating -ся VerbsA2 — The mechanics of -ся verbs: conjugate the verb completely as normal, then glue on the fixed particle — -ся after a consonant, -сь after a vowel. Full present, past, and imperative paradigm of умыва́ться, the notorious -ться / -тся spelling distinction (both pronounced /tsa/), and the rule that stress never moves onto -ся/-сь.