When you want to do something yourself, you use 〜たい: 手伝いたい "I want to help." But when you want someone else to do it — "I want you to help" — Japanese switches to a completely different construction: te-form + ほしい. 手伝ってほしい. The two look similar and translate with the same English word "want," which is exactly why English speakers collide them. This page shows how 〜てほしい is built, who gets marked with に, how the negative wish works, and the clean logic that keeps it apart from 〜たい.
The form
Take the te-form and add ほしい. ほしい is the same い-adjective that means "wanted / desired" in 水がほしい "I want water" — here it takes an action instead of a thing. Because it's an い-adjective, it inflects like one: ほしくない, ほしかった, ほしくなかった.
| Verb | て-form |
|
|---|---|---|
| 手伝う (to help) | 手伝って | 手伝ってほしい |
| 来る (to come) | 来て | 来てほしい |
| 説明する (to explain) | 説明して | 説明してほしい |
| 分かる (to understand) | 分かって | 分かってほしい |
ちょっと手伝ってほしいんだけど、今いい？
chotto tetsudatte hoshii n da kedo, ima ii
I want you to give me a hand — is now okay?
約束したんだから、早く来てほしいな。
yakusoku shita n da kara, hayaku kite hoshii na
You promised, so I really want you to come soon.
あの時、ただ分かってほしかっただけなんだ。
ano toki, tada wakatte hoshikatta dake na n da
Back then, I just wanted you to understand — that's all.
The agent is marked with に
The person you want to act is marked with に — the same に that points to a goal or recipient (see に as direction / goal). The desire is directed at that person.
この文法、先生に説明してほしい。
kono bunpō, sensei ni setsumei shite hoshii
I want the teacher to explain this grammar point.
親には、もう少し私の気持ちを分かってほしい。
oya ni wa, mō sukoshi watashi no kimochi o wakatte hoshii
I want my parents to understand my feelings a little more.
Note that に marks the doer of the te-form verb, while that verb keeps its own object marked with を (先生にこの文法を説明してほしい). Don't collapse the two.
The negative wish: 〜ないでほしい
To say you want someone not to do something, you don't negate ほしい — you negate the action. Use the 〜ないで form (the same negative te-form used in requests) plus ほしい: 行かないでほしい "I want you not to go."
行かないでほしい。ずっとそばにいてほしいんだ。
ikanai de hoshii. zutto soba ni ite hoshii n da
I don't want you to go. I want you to stay by my side.
大丈夫だから、そんなに心配しないでほしい。
daijōbu da kara, sonna ni shinpai shinai de hoshii
I'm fine, so I'd rather you didn't worry so much.
このことは、誰にも言わないでほしいんだけど。
kono koto wa, dare ni mo iwanai de hoshii n da kedo
I'd really rather you not tell anyone about this.
Contrast this with negating ほしい itself — ほしくない — which means you don't want the action at all: そんなに気を使ってほしくない "I don't want you to go to such trouble." The difference is subtle but real: 〜ないでほしい frames a wish for the absence of an action; 〜てほしくない denies the wish for the action.
The core split: 〜たい vs 〜てほしい — who does the deed?
Here is the distinction English hides. English "want" plus an object plus an infinitive — "I want you to help," "I want to help" — leaves who acts to be read off the object. Japanese grammaticalizes it. The choice of construction is the choice of doer:
| Who acts | Form | Example | |
|---|---|---|---|
| I want to do it myself | the speaker | 〜たい | 手伝いたい (I want to help) |
| I want another person to do it | someone else (に) | 〜てほしい | 手伝ってほしい (I want you to help) |
私も手伝いたいけど、あなたにも手伝ってほしい。
watashi mo tetsudaitai kedo, anata ni mo tetsudatte hoshii
I want to help too, but I also want you to help.
That single sentence carries both: 手伝いたい (I'm the helper) and あなたに手伝ってほしい (you're the helper). Deciding between them is deciding who you picture doing the action — a choice English speakers make unconsciously and therefore forget to encode.
Register and softening
〜てほしい is direct and personal — it lays your wish bare — so it's natural with friends, family, and close peers, but blunt when aimed up at a superior. Two ways it's commonly softened:
- Add explanatory / hedging endings: 〜んだけど, 〜んですが, な, trailing off. 手伝ってほしいんだけど feels far gentler than a flat 手伝ってほしい.
- Climb to a humbler verb for superiors: use the receiving verbs. 〜てもらいたい is a touch more objective than 〜てほしい, and the humble 〜ていただきたい is the polite, deferential version for a boss or client.
お忙しいところ恐縮ですが、一度ご確認いただきたいのですが。
o-isogashii tokoro kyōshuku desu ga, ichido go-kakunin itadakitai no desu ga
I'm sorry to trouble you, but I'd be grateful if you could check it once. (deferential — for a superior)
Note also how 〜てほしい differs from a request with 〜てください: てください asks the listener to act; てほしい states your desire that they act. "I want you to come" (来てほしい) and "please come" (来てください) overlap in effect but differ in stance — one confides a wish, the other issues a request.
Common mistakes
❌ 手伝いたい。
tetsudaitai
Wrong if you mean 'I want YOU to help me' — 手伝いたい only means 'I want to help (do it myself).'
✅ 手伝ってほしい。
tetsudatte hoshii
I want you to help me.
❌ 先生が説明してほしい。
sensei ga setsumei shite hoshii
Incorrect — the person you want to act takes に, not が.
✅ 先生に説明してほしい。
sensei ni setsumei shite hoshii
I want the teacher to explain it.
❌ 行かないほしい。
ikanai hoshii
Incorrect — the negative wish uses the 〜ないで form: 行かないでほしい.
✅ 行かないでほしい。
ikanai de hoshii
I want you not to go.
❌ 分かってほしいじゃなかった。
wakatte hoshii ja nakatta
Incorrect — ほしい is an い-adjective, so it inflects: past negative is ほしくなかった.
✅ 分かってほしくなかった。
wakatte hoshikunakatta
I didn't want you to understand (it).
Key takeaways
- te-form + ほしい = "I want someone else to do X." Distinct from 〜たい ("I want to do it myself").
- The construction is the choice of doer: mine → たい, another's → てほしい. English "want" leaves this to context — Japanese does not.
- The person you want to act is marked with に: 先生にVてほしい.
- Negative wish = 〜ないでほしい (行かないでほしい). Don't confuse it with 〜てほしくない ("I don't want you to…").
- ほしい is an い-adjective: ほしくない, ほしかった, ほしくなかった.
- It's direct and personal; soften with んだけど for peers, and climb to 〜ていただきたい for superiors.
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Start learning Japanese→Related Topics
- 〜てください: Polite Requests & InstructionsN4 — How to ask someone to do something with te-form + ください — the standard polite request and instruction — plus why it directs rather than defers, and the keigo forms that outrank it.
- 〜てみる: Try Doing (and See)N3 — How te-form + みる means to do something on a trial basis to find out what it's like — a genuine attempt that is actually carried out, not the mere 'trying to' of struggling English.
- 〜ないでください: Negative RequestsN4 — The negative counterpart of てください — built on the ないで negative te-form — for asking someone please not to do something, plus its casual drop 〜ないで and the firmer 〜てはいけない.
- に: Direction, Goal, and RecipientN5 — に marks the endpoint of motion (東京に行く), the recipient of a transfer (母に手紙を書く), and the target of an action — three uses unified by one idea: に is where the action arrives.
- 〜てほしい: Wanting Someone to Do SomethingN4 — How te-form + ほしい says you want another person to act — the に-marked doer, the negative wish 〜ないでほしい, and why this outward-facing desire so often comes softened.