Summarizing a story with "Total, que..."
When recounting a long, dramatic anecdote—like a disastrous blind date (una cita a ciegas)—you will often want to set the scene before skipping straight to the final outcome.
| Today I went on a blind date and it was a disastrous fiasco. | Hoy he ido a una cita a ciegas y ha sido un fiasco desastroso. |
To say "long story short," "in short," or "anyway," Spaniards use the conversational phrase total, que. Simply place it at the beginning of your concluding clause, followed by a verb in the indicative mood.
| Long story short, I am not going on a blind date again. | Total, que no vuelvo a ir a una cita a ciegas. |
You will frequently see total, que used after a semicolon to connect the setup of the story and its punchline or conclusion within a single sentence.
| Yesterday I went out with a girl and she was a horror; anyway, I took off. | Ayer salí con una chica y era un espanto; total, que me marché. |
Making a quick exit
Terrible dates often require a swift escape. In conversational Spanish, you can use reflexive verbs like largarse (to clear out / to take off) or esfumarse (to vanish) to describe leaving abruptly.
| Last night I met the most incompatible man; long story short, I took off before dessert. | Anoche conocí al hombre más incompatible; total, que me largué antes del postre. |
| Long story short, this afternoon she vanished without paying the bill. | Total, que esta tarde se ha esfumado sin pagar la cuenta. |
Whether the date was pathetic (patético) or simply a nightmare, total, que is the perfect tool to wrap up your venting.
| My date today started crying; anyway, it was pathetic. | Mi cita de hoy ha empezado a llorar; total, que ha sido patético. |