Expressing Strong Past Regrets
When we want to express deep regret about something that already happened, we use the equivalent of the English "I wish..." or "If only...". In Portuguese, the two most common expressions for this are quem me dera que and oxalá.
Because you are talking about an alternative, hypothetical past, these expressions trigger the Mais-que-perfeito do Conjuntivo (Pluperfect Subjunctive).
As a reminder, this compound tense is formed by using the imperfect subjunctive of the auxiliary verb ter followed by the past participle of the main verb:
- tivesse, tivesses, tivesse, tivéssemos, tivessem
- past participle (e.g., sido, perdoado, provocado)
Quem me dera que
The expression quem me dera literally translates to something like "who would give it to me," but it is used to mean "I wish" or "If only." When followed by a full clause with a subject and verb, you must connect them with que.
| I wish she had forgiven me without sorrow. | Quem me dera que ela me tivesse perdoado sem mágoa. |
| I wish my boss had been understanding instead of showing arrogance. | Quem me dera que o meu chefe tivesse sido compreensivo em vez de mostrar arrogância. |
Oxalá
Oxalá is an exclamation of Arabic origin (meaning "God willing") that translates to "I hope" or "If only." When paired with a past-tense subjunctive, it expresses a strong wish that the past had been different. Unlike quem me dera, oxalá does not require the word que.
| If only she had accepted the forgiveness. | Oxalá ela tivesse aceitado o perdão. |
Negative Regrets
To wish that something had not happened (e.g., "I wish I hadn't..."), simply place não immediately before the auxiliary verb tivesse.
| I wish I hadn't been so selfish and had valued you. | Oxalá eu não tivesse sido tão egoísta e te tivesse valorizado. |
| I wish the separation hadn't caused the breakup of the friendship. | Oxalá a separação não tivesse provocado o término da amizade. |
