Learn Hardcore Malay: Selepas hari yang tegang, saya cuba merehatkan diri dengan mendengar muzik perlahan. - After a tense day, I try to relax myself by listening to soft music.

Selepas hari yang tegang = After a tense day (neutral/standard).
Lepas hari yang tegang = same meaning, but lepas sounds more casual/colloquial.
Sesudah hari yang tegang = also after a tense day, a bit more formal or literary than selepas, and more common in some regions or in writing.

In everyday spoken Malay, selepas and lepas are both very common. Sesudah is less common in casual speech, but perfectly correct.

Why do we say hari yang tegang instead of just hari tegang? What does yang do?

Yang here works like a linker/relativizer, similar to that/which in English, and it helps connect hari and the description tegang.

hari yang tegang = literally the day that is tense
Without yang, hari tegang is not wrong, but it sounds more like a fixed phrase or a label; hari yang tegang sounds more natural and descriptive in this context.

In many noun + adjective phrases, Malay often inserts yang to make the phrase flow better or to emphasize the description:

pelajaran yang sukar – a lesson that is difficult
perbualan yang menarik – a conversation that is interesting

How does Malay show that this happened in the past, when there is no past tense verb form?

Malay usually does not change the verb form for past, present, or future. Instead, time is understood from context or from time words.

Here, selepas hari yang tegang signals a sequence of events: first the tense day, then the attempt to relax. That naturally gives a past sense.

If you want to be very explicit, you can add adverbs:

Semalam, selepas hari yang tegang, saya cuba… – Yesterday, after a tense day, I tried…
Tadi, baru tadi, pada petang itu, etc., can all mark time more clearly.

What is the difference between cuba and ingin/hendak in saya cuba merehatkan diri?

Cuba means to try (make an attempt).

saya cuba merehatkan diri – I try / I’m trying to relax myself (there is an effort, maybe it’s not easy).

Ingin and hendak express desire/intention, not effort:

saya ingin merehatkan diri – I want to relax.
saya hendak merehatkan diri – I want/intend to relax.

So cuba focuses on the attempt, while ingin/hendak focus on wanting or intending to do it.

Why is it merehatkan diri and not just berehat? What’s the difference?

Both are correct, but the structure is slightly different.

Berehat = to rest / to take a break (intransitive, just the action)
- Selepas hari yang tegang, saya berehat dengan mendengar muzik perlahan.
Merehatkan diri = literally to relax oneself (transitive verb + reflexive diri)

Merehatkan is a transitive form (verb that needs an object), so adding diri (oneself) completes it and makes it sound natural: merehatkan diri.

In everyday conversation, berehat is more common and simpler. Merehatkan diri sounds a bit more deliberate or formal, like you’re consciously trying to relax yourself.

How is merehatkan formed, and what does the suffix -kan do?

Merehatkan comes from the root rehat (rest) with the prefix me- and suffix -kan:

rehat → merehatkan

The pattern me- … -kan often makes a transitive verb, meaning “to cause/make something/someone [root]” or “to do [root] to something”.

Examples:

panas (hot) → memanaskan (to heat, to make hot)
bersih (clean) → membersihkan (to clean, make clean)

So merehatkan is essentially “to cause to rest / to relax (someone/something)”. Adding diri makes it reflexive: to relax oneself.

Why do we say merehatkan diri instead of merehatkan saya?

Using diri is the normal way to express oneself in Malay. You don’t usually say merehatkan saya for “relax myself”.

merehatkan diri – relax oneself (standard reflexive expression)
diri saya / diri kamu / diri mereka can be used when you need to specify whose self:
- Saya cuba merehatkan diri saya – more explicit, but usually diri alone is enough when the subject is clear.

Merehatkan saya would usually be understood as relax me (someone else is doing it to me), and even that sounds unusual; you’d more likely say menenangkan saya (calm me) or membuat saya tenang (make me calm).

Why is it dengan mendengar muzik perlahan and not something like untuk mendengar or just mendengar muzik perlahan?

Dengan here means by / by means of, showing the method you use to relax.

…saya cuba merehatkan diri dengan mendengar muzik perlahan.
→ I try to relax myself *by listening to slow music.*

Other options:

…untuk mendengar muzik perlahan – would mean in order to listen to slow music, which changes the focus: now your purpose is to listen, not the method of relaxing.
You can drop dengan in casual speech:
- …saya cuba merehatkan diri, mendengar muzik perlahan.
  (still understandable, but the link “as a method” is less explicit)

Using dengan + verb (meN- form) is a very common pattern for expressing how you do something (the method).

Could we use sambil instead of dengan here? What’s the difference between dengan mendengar and sambil mendengar?

You could say sambil mendengar muzik perlahan, but the nuance is slightly different.

dengan mendengar – emphasizes method: relaxing by listening.
sambil mendengar – emphasizes two actions happening at the same time: relaxing while listening.

So:

Saya berehat dengan mendengar muzik perlahan.
→ The listening is the method of resting.
Saya berehat sambil mendengar muzik perlahan.
→ You are resting, and at the same time, you’re listening (the focus is on simultaneity).

Both are acceptable; dengan fits very well with “try to relax by doing X”.

Does muzik perlahan mean “slow music” or “quiet/soft music”? And what’s the role of perlahan here?

Perlahan means slowly/slow, and by extension can also imply soft/low volume in some contexts.

In muzik perlahan, it can be understood as:

slow-tempo music, or
soft/quiet music (music played softly)

Malay doesn’t always sharply separate “slow” and “soft” here; context does the work. If you specifically mean soft/quiet, you can say:

muzik yang lembut – gentle/soft music
muzik yang perlahan volumenya – music whose volume is low

Grammatically, perlahan functions as an adjective describing muzik: slow/soft music.

Could the sentence be reordered, for example, putting selepas hari yang tegang at the end?

Yes, Malay word order is quite flexible with adverbial phrases like time and manner. These are all grammatical, with slightly different emphasis:

Selepas hari yang tegang, saya cuba merehatkan diri dengan mendengar muzik perlahan.
(Original; emphasizes the time context first.)
Saya cuba merehatkan diri dengan mendengar muzik perlahan selepas hari yang tegang.
(Still natural; the time phrase comes last.)
Saya, selepas hari yang tegang, cuba merehatkan diri dengan mendengar muzik perlahan.
(Also possible; sounds a bit more written or careful.)

All keep the same basic meaning; you’re just changing which part you highlight first.