The giving-and-receiving（授受, じゅじゅ）verbs already build direction into every transfer — あげる gives away from you, くれる gives toward you, もらう pulls something to you. Keigo adds a second axis on top: register. Each verb gains a polite counterpart, and the anchor of this page is くれる → くださる（"[a superior] gives to me"）. The reference below is the full grid — every verb at every altitude, the conjugation traps（くださる is ラ行-irregular）, the て-form benefactive layer, and the request ladder that all of it feeds. The social nuance — why さしあげる can patronise, whose action to foreground — lives on the giving & receiving keigo teaching page.
The direction × register grid
Read the grid down each column (the same verb getting more polite) and across each row (the same politeness pointing a different way). The keigo column is what this page is about.
| Direction | Casual / rough | Neutral | Keigo | Keigo type |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| give away from me | やる | あげる | さしあげる | humble (謙譲語) |
| give toward me | くれる (rough 命令 くれ) | くれる | くださる | honorific (尊敬語) |
| receive (pull to me) | もらう | もらう | いただく／頂戴する | humble (謙譲語) |
The asymmetry that trips English speakers: two of the three keigo forms are humble, one is honorific. さしあげる and いただく lower you the speaker; くださる raises the giver, the superior. The logic is structural — when you are the one acting（giving away, or receiving）, you humble yourself; when the superior acts（giving to you）, you honour them.
先生にお礼のお手紙をさしあげました。
sensei ni o-rei no o-tegami o sashiagemashita
I gave the teacher a thank-you letter. (I give upward → humble さしあげる)
社長が推薦状をくださいました。
shachō ga suisenjō o kudasaimashita
The president gave me a letter of recommendation. (a superior gives to me → honorific くださる)
部長に少しお時間をいただきました。
buchō ni sukoshi o-jikan o itadakimashita
I got a little of the department head's time. (I receive from a superior → humble いただく)
Conjugation: the くださる trap and the regular ones
Two of the three keigo verbs conjugate regularly; one does not, and it is the one you will use most.
くださる is a ラ行 special verb — like いらっしゃる, おっしゃる, なさる, ございます — so its ます-form drops the り: くださ + ます would predict ×くださります, but it collapses to くださいます. Its imperative, likewise shortened, is the everyday ください. That single fact is why 〜てください exists at all. The full table is on the くださる paradigm page.
| Form | くださる | Reading | Note |
|---|---|---|---|
| present (polite) | くださいます | kudasaimasu | ラ行 irregular — not ×くださります |
| past | くださいました | kudasaimashita | |
| te-form | くださって | kudasatte | |
| imperative | ください／くださいませ | kudasai / kudasaimase | source of 〜てください |
さしあげる is a plain 一段 verb — さしあげます, さしあげました, さしあげて — no surprises. いただく is a plain 五段 verb — いただきます, いただいた, いただいて — and note its potential いただけます, which powers the deferential request below. 頂戴する（ちょうだいする）is a heavier, more formal humble alternative to いただく, used above all for physically receiving an object: 頂戴します, 頂戴いたします.
お客様から名刺を頂戴しました。
o-kyakusama kara meishi o chōdai shimashita
I received a business card from the customer. (頂戴する — formal humble receiving)
The real payoff: these three stack onto any verb
The reason mastering these unlocks far more than gift-giving: each attaches to the て-form of any verb as a benefactive auxiliary, turning that action into a favour with a built-in status direction. The keigo layer maps straight across from the plain benefactives.
| Plain auxiliary | Keigo auxiliary | Meaning | Status direction |
|---|---|---|---|
| 〜てあげる | 〜てさしあげる | I do X for a superior | humble; but can patronise |
| 〜てくれる | 〜てくださる | a superior kindly does X for me | honorific; giver is up |
| 〜てもらう | 〜ていただく | I have a superior do X for me | humble; I receive |
先生が推薦状を書いてくださいました。
sensei ga suisenjō o kaite kudasaimashita
The teacher kindly wrote me a letter of recommendation. (〜てくださる)
部長に資料を送っていただきました。
buchō ni shiryō o okutte itadakimashita
I had the department head kindly send me the materials. (〜ていただく)
送ってくださる（"they kindly send," honorific, their action）and 送っていただく（"have them kindly send," humble, my benefit）describe the same favour from opposite ends — the くださる／いただく mirror, scaled up to whole actions. Which you pick depends on whose action you put in the spotlight; the teaching page works that choice through in detail.
The request ladder
Because 〜てくださる and 〜ていただく turn any action into a favour, they generate Japanese's politeness ladder for asking someone to do something. Climbing it, each rung is more deferential than the last — and the top rungs use いただく's potential いただけ, literally "might I be able to receive your doing X."
| Request form | Register | Literal shape |
|---|---|---|
| 〜てください | plain polite (a soft command) | くださる imperative |
| 〜てくださいますか | honorific question | "will you kindly do X?" |
| 〜ていただけますか | deferential | "could I have you do X?" |
| 〜ていただけませんか／〜ていただけますでしょうか | most deferential | "might I not possibly have you do X?" |
すみません、少し待っていただけますか。
sumimasen, sukoshi matte itadakemasu ka
Sorry, could you wait a moment?
こちらにお名前をご記入いただけますでしょうか。
kochira ni o-namae o go-kinyū itadakemasu deshō ka
Could I ask you to write your name here? (top of the ladder)
さしあげる and 〜てさしあげる: handle with care
さしあげる is grammatically correct for giving upward, but it frames the act as bestowing, so it patronises toward equals or juniors — and 〜てさしあげる, doing something for a superior, often sounds like you are announcing your own kindness. The natural humble offer drops the giving verb entirely and uses お〜する instead.
お荷物、お持ちしましょうか。
o-nimotsu, o-mochi shimashō ka
Shall I carry your bag? (お〜する offer — not 持ってさしあげましょうか)
Common mistakes
Mistake 1 — Crossing wires between くださる (they give me) and いただく (I receive). The subject must match the verb: くださる's subject is the honored giver（が）; いただく's subject is you.
❌ 私が社長に推薦状をくださいました。
Wrong — with 'I' as subject you're the receiver, so it's いただきました. くださる needs the superior as the giver.
✅ 社長が私に推薦状をくださいました。
shachō ga watashi ni suisenjō o kudasaimashita
The president gave me a letter of recommendation.
Mistake 2 — Using さしあげる toward an equal or junior. It frames giving as bestowing and sounds condescending; friends and juniors get あげる.
❌ 後輩にお菓子をさしあげました。
Condescending — bestowing on a junior. Use あげました.
✅ 後輩にお菓子をあげました。
kōhai ni o-kashi o agemashita
I gave the junior some sweets.
Mistake 3 — Conjugating くださる as if it were regular. It is a ラ行 special verb; the ます-form drops り.
❌ 部長が資料をくださりました。
Wrong form — くださる drops the り in its polite forms: くださいました, never ×くださりました.
✅ 部長が資料をくださいました。
buchō ga shiryō o kudasaimashita
The department head gave me the materials.
Mistake 4 — Using さしあげる for a gift flowing toward you. さしあげる only points away from you, upward; a gift coming to you is くださる（their act）or いただく（your receiving）.
❌ 先生が私に本をさしあげました。
Wrong direction — the gift flows toward me, so it's くださいました (or 私が…いただきました).
✅ 先生が私に本をくださいました。
sensei ga watashi ni hon o kudasaimashita
The teacher gave me a book.
Mistake 5 — Offering a service with 〜てさしあげる. It broadcasts your own kindness; the natural humble offer is お〜する.
❌ お客様、写真を撮ってさしあげましょうか。
Patronising — 撮ってさしあげる advertises your favour. Use お撮りしましょうか.
✅ お客様、お写真をお撮りしましょうか。
o-kyakusama, o-shashin o o-tori shimashō ka
Would you like me to take your photo?
Key takeaways
- The 授受 system encodes direction; keigo adds a register axis — くれる → くださる（honorific）, あげる → さしあげる（humble）, もらう → いただく／頂戴する（humble）. Two humble, one honorific.
- くださる is ラ行-irregular（くださいます, ください — not ×くださります）; さしあげる（一段）and いただく（五段）are regular; 頂戴する is a heavier formal humble for receiving objects.
- All three stack as て-form auxiliaries（〜てくださる, 〜ていただく, 〜てさしあげる）, and くださる／いただく describe the same favour from opposite ends.
- The request ladder grows out of them; counter-intuitively the humble 〜ていただけますか defers harder than the honorific 〜てくださいますか.
- Watch さしあげる／〜てさしあげる: correct upward but framing giving as bestowing — for offers, prefer お〜する.
Now practice Japanese
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Start learning Japanese→Related Topics
- くださる: Full ParadigmN3 — The complete conjugation table for くださる, the honorific of くれる — a 五段 verb with two twists: the irregular ます-stem くださいます (never ×くださります) and the truncated imperative ください (never ×くだされ).
- Suppletive 謙譲語 Verbs: TableN3 — The special humble verbs for your own actions — 伺う／参る, いただく, 拝見する, 申す／申し上げる, いたす, おる, 存じる／存じ上げる, お目にかかる — with their plain bases and the 謙譲語 I vs 丁重語 split that decides 伺う vs 参る and 申し上げる vs 申す.
- 尊敬語⇄謙譲語⇄Plain: Master Pair TableN3 — The keystone desk-reference pairing each everyday verb with its 尊敬語 (raise the other person) and 謙譲語 (lower yourself), across plain, honorific, humble, and です／ます — and the rule that direction of respect, not politeness level, picks the column.