English "and" and "with" hide a fork that Chinese refuses to blur. 和, 跟, 同, and 与 can all join two nouns ("A and B") or mark accompaniment ("with someone"), and here is the reframe that unlocks them: they differ almost entirely by register and region, not by meaning. Line them up on a formality dial and the choice makes itself — 跟 at the casual end, 与 at the formal end, 和 sitting neutrally in the middle. The one hard grammatical rule underneath all four is that they join nouns, not clauses or verbs — which is exactly where English speakers slip. The plain-vanilla joiner 和 gets its own full treatment on 和 joining nouns; this page is the four-way decision grid.
The register dial
Ask one question — how formal is this, and is it spoken or written? — and the word falls out.
| Word | Register | Best at | Example |
|---|---|---|---|
| 跟 (gēn) | colloquial, spoken | 'with' before a verb | 跟我来 (come with me) |
| 和 (hé) | neutral — the safe default | joining nouns | 我和你 (you and I) |
| 同 (tóng) | formal, or southern/older speech | 'with' in measured speech | 同我讲 (tell me) |
| 与 (yǔ) | written, formal | headlines, titles, documents | 中国与世界 (China and the world) |
和: the neutral default
和 joins two nouns as "and" and works as "with." It is register-neutral: fine in a text message, fine in an essay. It is the strongest choice when you are simply coordinating two nouns — apples and bananas, you and me.
我和你一起去，好吗？
wǒ hé nǐ yìqǐ qù, hǎo ma?
I'll go together with you, okay? (neutral) — 和 joins two pronouns as subject.
苹果和香蕉我都爱吃。
píngguǒ hé xiāngjiāo wǒ dōu ài chī
I love both apples and bananas. (neutral) — pure noun-joining, the job 和 does best.
跟: the spoken choice, especially for 'with' + verb
跟 originally meant "to follow at someone's heels," and that flavor of accompaniment survives. In everyday speech it is the natural word for "with" before a verb — going with, chatting with, telling (i.e. speaking to/with) someone. It also joins nouns colloquially (我跟你 "you and me"), but its home turf is the comitative slot in front of a verb.
跟我来，我带你去。
gēn wǒ lái, wǒ dài nǐ qù
Come with me, I'll take you there. (informal) — 跟 as 'with' before the verb.
这件事你跟他说了吗？
zhè jiàn shì nǐ gēn tā shuō le ma?
Have you told him about this? (informal) — 跟他说 = 'say it to/with him'; the 跟-phrase sits before the verb.
我跟朋友约好了周末去爬山。
wǒ gēn péngyou yuē hǎo le zhōumò qù pá shān
I've arranged with a friend to go hiking this weekend. (informal) — accompaniment, spoken.
The mechanics of 跟 as a "with"-coverb are laid out on 跟 / 和 as 'with'.
同: formal, or a southern accent
同 also means "with / and," but it carries a slightly formal or literary tone in the north, while in much of southern China it is simply the everyday spoken word (mirroring Cantonese 同). You will meet it in careful speech and set expressions. As a full coverb it feels a notch more elevated than 跟.
有事儿你同我讲，别憋着。
yǒu shìr nǐ tóng wǒ jiǎng, bié biē zhe
If something's up, talk it over with me, don't bottle it up. (formal / regional) — 同 for 'with', measured tone.
这个问题我要同大家商量一下。
zhège wèntí wǒ yào tóng dàjiā shāngliang yíxià
I want to discuss this matter with everyone. (formal) — 同 in deliberate, meeting-room speech.
与: written and formal
与 is the classical descendant, and it lives in writing: news headlines, book and film titles, official notices, formal speeches. It means both "and" and "with," but you would rarely say it in casual conversation — it sounds like a document read aloud. Note the fixed formal item 与会 (yùhuì) "to attend a meeting."
中国与世界的关系越来越紧密。
Zhōngguó yǔ shìjiè de guānxì yuèláiyuè jǐnmì
The relationship between China and the world grows ever closer. (written / formal) — 与 joining nouns in prose.
如有疑问，请与我们联系。
rú yǒu yíwèn, qǐng yǔ wǒmen liánxì
If you have questions, please get in touch with us. (formal) — the register of a notice; 请与…联系 is a set formal frame.
董事长将出席大会，并与各位股东交流。
dǒngshìzhǎng jiāng chūxí dàhuì, bìng yǔ gèwèi gǔdōng jiāoliú
The chairman will attend the meeting and speak with the shareholders. (formal / written) — 与 in corporate register.
The formal pairing of 同 and 与 as coverbs is compared on 同 / 与 as 'with', and the broader register split of paired function words on function-word register pairs.
The rule underneath all four: nouns, not clauses
Here is where English interference bites. In English, "and" cheerfully joins whole clauses — "The weather was nice and we went out." None of these four words can do that. They coordinate noun phrases only. To join clauses or actions, Chinese uses connectors like 然后 (then), 就 (then), or simply strings the clauses together — a habit covered under joining clauses, not with 和.
天气很好，我们就出去玩了。
tiānqì hěn hǎo, wǒmen jiù chūqù wán le
The weather was nice, so we went out. (neutral) — two clauses linked by 就, NOT by 和.
Common Mistakes
1. Using 和 to join clauses or verb phrases (English "and"). These words join nouns; clauses just sit next to each other or take 就/然后.
❌ 天气很好和我们出去玩了。
Incorrect — 和 can't join clauses; say 天气很好，我们就出去玩了。
✅ 天气很好，我们就出去玩了。
tiānqì hěn hǎo, wǒmen jiù chūqù wán le
The weather was nice, so we went out.
2. Putting the "with"-phrase after the verb (English word order). 跟/和/同/与 + person must come before the verb.
❌ 我说跟他这件事。
Wrong order — the 跟-phrase goes before the verb: 我跟他说这件事。
✅ 这件事我跟他说。
zhè jiàn shì wǒ gēn tā shuō
I'll tell him about this. — 跟他 before the verb 说.
3. Using written 与 in casual speech. In conversation it sounds like you're reading a contract; use 和 or 跟.
❌ 我与你一起去吃饭吧。
Too formal for chat — say 我和你 / 我跟你一起去吃饭吧。
✅ 我跟你一起去吃饭吧。
wǒ gēn nǐ yìqǐ qù chī fàn ba
Let's go eat together. — 跟 fits casual speech.
4. Using 跟 to string clauses like "and then." 跟 joins nouns, not events; sequence needs 然后/就.
❌ 我吃饭跟看电视。
Incorrect — for 'eat and (then) watch TV' say 我吃饭，然后看电视。
✅ 我先吃饭，然后看电视。
wǒ xiān chī fàn, ránhòu kàn diànshì
I'll eat first, then watch TV. — sequence via 然后, not 跟.
Key Takeaways
- All four join nouns ("and") or mark accompaniment ("with"); they differ by register, not core meaning.
- 和 = neutral default, best for joining nouns; 跟 = colloquial, best as "with" before a verb; 同 = formal or southern; 与 = written/formal.
- When unsure, use 和 — it is never wrong for coordinating nouns.
- None of them joins clauses; for "and then" between events, use 就 or 然后.
- The "with"-phrase always sits before the verb: 我跟他说, never 我说跟他.
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- Joining Nouns: 和 / 跟 / 与 / 同HSK 2 — 和 (and its cousins 跟, 与, 同) joins NOUNS and noun phrases — 我和你, 咖啡和茶 — never clauses or sequential actions. English 'and' links anything; Chinese 和 links same-type items, so 'I got up and ate' is NOT 我起床和吃饭.
- Spoken to Written: Function WordsHSK 5 — Grammatical connectors have written-register twins that lift a text: 但是→然而, 因为→由于, 所以→因此/故, 要是→若/倘若, 被→为…所, 在→于, 到→至, 从→自, 和→与/及. Same meaning, opposite register — swapping them turns chat into a report.