Learn Hardcore Spanish (Latin America): Cuando estoy ansioso, intento calmarme con música tranquila. - When I am anxious, I try to calm myself with quiet music.

In Spanish, estar is used for temporary states or conditions (how you feel now), while ser is used for more permanent or defining characteristics.

Estoy ansioso = I’m feeling anxious (right now / in this situation).
Soy ansioso = I’m an anxious person (by nature, as a personality trait).

In this sentence, we’re talking about being anxious in certain moments, not as a permanent trait, so estoy is correct.

Does ansioso change for gender and number?

Yes. Ansioso is an adjective and must agree with the subject in gender and number:

Yo estoy ansioso – I’m anxious (male speaker)
Yo estoy ansiosa – I’m anxious (female speaker)
Estamos ansiosos – We’re anxious (all male or mixed group)
Estamos ansiosas – We’re anxious (all female group)

So a woman would normally say: Cuando estoy ansiosa, intento calmarme…

Why is the verb calmarme written together instead of calmar me?

In Spanish, when a reflexive pronoun (me, te, se, nos, os) goes with:

an infinitive (calmar),
a gerund (calmando), or
a positive command (¡cálmate!),

it can be attached directly to the end of the verb as one word.

So:

intento calmarme = I try to calm myself
estoy calmándome = I am calming myself
cálmate = calm yourself

Writing calmar me separately would be incorrect.

Could it be me intento calmar instead of intento calmarme?

Grammatically, me intento calmar is possible, but native speakers much more commonly say:

intento calmarme

In practice:

intento calmarme (pronoun attached to the infinitive) sounds natural and is strongly preferred.
me intento calmar (pronoun before the main verb) is understood but less typical, and can sound a bit awkward in this case.

So you should learn and use intento calmarme.

Why is calmarme reflexive? Could I just say intento calmar con música tranquila?

Calmar means to calm (someone/something).
Calmarse means to calm down / to calm oneself.

Here, you are calming yourself, so Spanish uses the reflexive form:

intento calmarme = I try to calm myself.

If you say intento calmar con música tranquila, it sounds incomplete: I try to calm with calm music – calm what or whom? You must specify the object:

intento calmar a mi perro con música tranquila – I try to calm my dog with calm music.
intento calmarme con música tranquila – I try to calm myself with calm music.

So the reflexive calmarme is necessary to express “calm myself”.

Can I say trato de calmarme instead of intento calmarme? Is there a difference?

Yes, you can say either:

intento calmarme
trato de calmarme

Both mean “I try to calm myself.” The difference is small:

intentar = to attempt; slightly more formal or neutral.
tratar de = to try to; very common in everyday speech.

In Latin American Spanish, you should use tratar de + infinitive (not tratar calmarme). So both are correct and common:

Cuando estoy ansioso, intento calmarme con música tranquila.
Cuando estoy ansioso, trato de calmarme con música tranquila.

Why is it cuando estoy ansioso (indicative) and not a subjunctive form after cuando?

Cuando can be followed by either the indicative or the subjunctive, depending on meaning:

Indicative (estoy) is used for things that are habitual or factual:
- Cuando estoy ansioso, intento calmarme…
  = Whenever I’m anxious / When I’m (in fact) anxious, I try to calm myself.
Subjunctive is used when we talk about a future or uncertain event:
- Cuando esté ansioso, intentaré calmarme…
  = When I’m anxious (at some future time), I will try to calm myself.

Here, the sentence talks about a general, habitual situation, so estoy (indicative) is the right choice.

Why does música have an accent mark?

The word is música (three syllables: MÚ-si-ca). In Spanish:

Words ending in a vowel, n, or s are normally stressed on the second-to-last syllable.
Without an accent, musica would be stressed as mu-SI-ca.

But the correct stress is MÚ-si-ca (on the third-to-last syllable), which breaks the normal rule. Whenever the natural stress rules are broken, Spanish marks the stressed vowel with an accent:

música – stress on MÚ.

What does música tranquila really mean? Is it the same as “relaxing music”?

Música tranquila literally means “calm/peaceful/quiet music.” In context, it’s very close to:

“calm music”
“soothing music”
“relaxing music”

You might also hear:

música relajante – relaxing music
música suave – soft music

All are natural, but música tranquila is very common and perfectly idiomatic for music that helps you relax or feel calmer.

Why is it con música tranquila and not con la música tranquila?

In Spanish, when you talk about something in general (not a specific instance), you often omit the article after con:

con música tranquila = with calm music (in general, any calm music)

If you say con la música tranquila, it sounds more specific, like a particular calm music you both know about:

con la música tranquila que me recomendaste – with the calm music you recommended.

Here we’re talking about calm music as a general method, so con música tranquila is more natural.

Could I say cuando me siento ansioso instead of cuando estoy ansioso?

Yes, both are correct and common:

Cuando estoy ansioso, intento calmarme…
= When I am anxious, I try to calm myself…
Cuando me siento ansioso, intento calmarme…
= When I feel anxious, I try to calm myself…

Estar ansioso describes your state.
Sentirse ansioso emphasizes the feeling of anxiety. In everyday speech, they’re very similar in meaning, and both sound natural.