Inviting someone out and turning an invitation down gracefully are social skills as much as grammatical ones, and Turkish leans heavily on its request system to manage them. You'll use the aorist question (Gelir misin? "Will you come?"), the optative "let's" form (Çıkalım mı? "Shall we go out?"), and conditional softeners (istersen "if you like") to extend an invitation, and a small set of fixed formulae — above all Kusura bakma "no offence / don't hold it against me" — to decline without causing offence. The grammar is recycled from earlier pages; what's new is assembling it into smooth, face-saving social moves.
Inviting with the aorist question: Gelir misin?
The default invitation is an aorist question — the verb in the aorist (-Ir/-Ar) plus the question particle mI and a personal ending. Because the aorist is the tense of general willingness, Gelir misin? asks not "are you coming this instant?" but "are you (in general) willing to come?" — which is exactly the soft, open feel an invitation needs. See requests and politeness.
Bu akşam bize gelir misin? Annem mantı yapıyor.
Will you come to ours this evening? My mum's making mantı.
Hafta sonu sinemaya gider miyiz, ne dersin?
Shall we go to the cinema at the weekend — what do you say?
Bizimle yemeğe çıkar mısınız?
Would you (formal/plural) come out to dinner with us?
Compare this with the present continuous geliyor musun? "are you coming?", which sounds like you're checking a plan already made, not extending a fresh invitation. The aorist is the inviting tense.
A common opener is canın … ister mi? "do you feel like …?" (literally "does your soul want …?"), pairing the verbal noun with istemek:
Canın bir kahve içmek ister mi?
Do you feel like grabbing a coffee?
Inviting with the optative: Çıkalım mı?
When you want to include yourself — "shall we …?" — use the first-person optative -(y)AlIm with the question particle: Çıkalım mı? "Shall we go out?", Gidelim mi? "Shall we go?". This is the natural "let's …?" of Turkish. See optative questions.
Hava güzel, dışarıda yürüyelim mi?
The weather's nice — shall we walk outside?
Bir şeyler yiyelim mi, acıktım.
Shall we eat something? I'm hungry.
Without the question particle, the bare optative Çıkalım becomes a proposal/suggestion ("Let's go out"); add mı and it becomes a genuine question that hands the decision to the other person — softer and more inviting.
Softening with the conditional: istersen, müsaitsen
The smoothest invitations come wrapped in a conditional softener built on -sA "if" (see the conditional). The most useful is istersen "if you like / if you want" (iste- "want" + -sen "if-you"); plural/polite isterseniz. It lowers the pressure to zero — you're not pressing, just offering.
| Softener | Meaning |
|---|---|
| istersen / isterseniz | if you like, if you want |
| müsaitsen / müsaitseniz | if you're free / available |
| vaktin varsa | if you have time |
| uygunsa | if it suits / if it's convenient |
İstersen bu akşam bize uğra, çay içeriz.
If you like, drop by ours this evening — we'll have some tea.
Müsaitsen yarın öğlen buluşalım mı?
If you're free, shall we meet tomorrow at midday?
Watch the spelling of müsait "free, available" — it has ü and is written müsait, not müsayit. The "if you're free" softener, müsaitsen, is the polite scout that lets the other person decline without it feeling like a rejection of you.
Offering food and things: alır mısın?, buyurun
Offering — pressing food, drink, or help on a guest — is its own ritual. The aorist question works here too (Çay alır mısın? "Will you have tea?"), and a host insists with buyurun "please, help yourself / go ahead" (see everyday formulae for buyurun's many jobs). Turkish hospitality expects a first offer to be modestly declined and re-offered, so a single offer often isn't taken at face value.
Bir dilim daha pasta alır mısın? — Yok, sağ ol, doydum. — Hadi ama, az kaldı!
Will you have another slice of cake? — No, thanks, I'm full. — Come on, there's hardly any left!
Buyurun, çekinmeyin, kendi eviniz gibi.
Please, help yourselves, don't be shy — make yourselves at home.
That Hadi ama! ("Come on!") is the gentle, expected second push — not rudeness but warmth.
Accepting: Memnuniyetle, Olur, Tabii
Accepting is the easy part. The warm, enthusiastic yes is Memnuniyetle "gladly, with pleasure"; the everyday yes is Olur "okay, sounds good" or Tabii "of course." Pile on appreciation with çok sevinirim "I'd be delighted."
| Form | Force |
|---|---|
| Memnuniyetle | warm, "with pleasure" (neutral/formal) |
| Tabii / Tabii ki | "of course" (neutral) |
| Olur | "okay, that works" (informal, easy yes) |
| Çok sevinirim | "I'd be delighted" |
Cumartesi pikniğe gelir misin? — Memnuniyetle, ne getireyim?
Will you come to the picnic on Saturday? — Gladly — what should I bring?
Declining politely: the Kusura bakma formula
Here is the page's most important pragmatic point. A blunt "no" or "I can't" lands harshly in Turkish; declining requires a face-saving apology, and the fixed formula is Kusura bakma (informal singular) / Kusura bakmayın (polite/plural) — literally "don't look at the fault," i.e. "no offence, forgive me." You typically chain it with a reason and a softened regret.
The frame is: Kusura bakma + reason (müsait değilim / işim var) + a softener (başka zaman / bir dahaki sefere).
Akşam yemeğe gelir misin? — Kusura bakma, bu akşam müsait değilim, işim var.
Will you come to dinner tonight? — Sorry, I'm not free this evening, I have work.
Kusura bakmayın, çok isterdim ama o gün şehir dışındayım.
I'm so sorry, I'd have loved to, but I'm out of town that day.
Bu sefer olmadı, başka zaman mutlaka.
It didn't work out this time — another time for sure.
Two things make a decline land softly: the apology (kusura bakma) and the future opening (başka zaman "another time," bir dahaki sefere "next time"). Declining without offering a rain-check reads as a rejection of the person, not just the plan. The phrase çok isterdim ama … ("I'd have loved to, but …") in the aorist-past is the standard way to signal genuine regret.
A full invite-and-accept exchange
— Yarın akşam doğum günü yemeğine gelir misin? — Tabii, memnuniyetle! Saat kaçta? — Sekizde, evde. — Süper, görüşürüz!
— Will you come to my birthday dinner tomorrow evening? — Of course, gladly! What time? — Eight, at home. — Great, see you!
A full invite-and-decline exchange
— Cumaya bizde toplanıyoruz, sen de gelsene. — Çok isterdim ama kusura bakma, o akşam nöbetim var. Başka zaman mutlaka. — Olsun, kendine iyi bak.
— We're getting together at ours on Friday — come along! — I'd have loved to, but sorry, I'm on shift that evening. Another time for sure. — No worries, take care.
Notice the -sAnA form gelsene "come along, why don't you" in the invitation — a friendly, slightly insistent imperative (gel- "come" + -sene) that's warmer than a plain gel and very common among friends.
Common mistakes
❌ (Declining) Hayır, gelemem.
Too blunt — a bare 'No, I can't' is face-threatening; Turkish needs an apology and a reason.
✅ Kusura bakma, gelemem, işim çıktı.
Sorry, I can't come — something came up at work.
❌ Bu akşam bize geliyor musun?
Wrong tense for an invitation — the present continuous checks an existing plan; a fresh invite wants the aorist question.
✅ Bu akşam bize gelir misin?
Will you come to ours this evening?
❌ Çıkıyoruz mı?
Wrong form for 'shall we' — proposing a joint action uses the optative, not the present continuous.
✅ Çıkalım mı?
Shall we go out?
❌ İstersen sen gelir.
Garbled — 'if you like' is istersen, and the invitation verb needs its own question form, e.g. gel / gelir misin.
✅ İstersen sen de gel.
If you like, you come too.
❌ Müsayitsen buluşalım.
Spelling — the word is müsait, so the conditional is müsaitsen (no extra y).
✅ Müsaitsen buluşalım.
If you're free, let's meet.
Key takeaways
- Invite the listener with the aorist question: Gelir misin?; propose a joint action with the optative question: Gidelim mi?.
- Soften with conditionals: istersen "if you like," müsaitsen "if you're free," vaktin varsa "if you have time."
- Accept warmly: Memnuniyetle, Tabii, Olur, Çok sevinirim.
- Decline with the face-saving formula Kusura bakma(yın)
- reason + başka zaman — never a bare Hayır or Gelemem.
- Friendly insistence uses -sAnA (gelsene "do come") and Hadi ama! ("come on!"); hosts press with buyurun.
- Spelling to nail: müsait (ü, no extra y), memnuniyetle.
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Start learning Turkish→Related Topics
- Making Polite RequestsA2 — The Turkish request politeness scale — from the bare imperative (gel) up through the plural -(y)InIz and buyurun, the workhorse aorist question -Ir mIsInIz ('would you…?'), and the abilitative -(y)Abilir mIsInIz ('could you…?'), with lütfen 'please'.
- Optative Questions: 'Shall I / Shall We?'A2 — Put the optative into a yes/no question with the particle mI and you get English 'shall I…?' and 'shall we…?' exactly — Gideyim mi? 'Shall I go?', Başlayalım mı? 'Shall we start?' — the standard way to make polite offers and ask for instructions.
- Agreeing and Disagreeing PolitelyB1 — How to agree warmly (aynen, kesinlikle, haklısın, katılıyorum) and — more delicately — how to disagree without giving offence, by prefacing dissent with partial agreement (Haklısın da…) and epistemic hedges (pek sanmıyorum, emin değilim), because in Turkish direct contradiction is dispreferred.
- The Conditional -sA ('if')A2 — The verbal conditional -sA attaches to a bare verb stem for hypothetical and wish conditions — gelsem 'if I come', Keşke gelse 'if only he'd come' — and contrasts with the real/factual conditional -(y)sA, which attaches to a full tense (gelirse 'if he comes').