×어디 가?: 반말 with Strangers

반말 (the short, ending-less 해체 forms) look like the easy option: 가 instead of 가요, 뭐야 instead of 뭐예요. So learners grab them and fire at anyone — the stranger on the street, the shop clerk, an elder they just met: ×어디 가?, ×이름이 뭐야?, ×몇 살이야?, ×밥 먹었어? Each is grammatically fine and socially explosive. In Korean, choosing 반말 is not choosing shorter — it is claiming closeness. Used with the wrong person it reads as rude, presumptuous, or unsettlingly intimate, like slapping a stranger on the back. English gives you no built-in warning for this, which is exactly why it needs spelling out.

English has no dial for this; Korean's default is politeness

English marks status through word choice and tone, but there is no grammatical tier you are forced to select before every sentence. Korean makes you choose a speech level every time you open your mouth, and the safe default for anyone who is not close and not clearly your junior is 해요체 — the polite 요 style. 반말 is reserved for a narrow set: close friends, clear juniors (a much younger person, a child), and people who have explicitly invited you to drop the formality. Outside that set, 해요체 is the floor.

The mechanics: 요 lifts, and questions about the listener take -세요

Getting from dangerous 반말 to safe 해요체 is often just one syllable. Adding 요 to a plain 반말 form raises it to polite 해요체: 가 → 가요, 먹었어 → 먹었어요, 뭐야 → 뭐예요.

But for questions about your listener — where they are going, their name, their age — polite Korean goes a step further and adds honorific -세요, which elevates the listener as the subject of the verb.

Notice that 이름이 어떻게 되세요? is preferred over the merely-polite 이름이 뭐예요? when you are meeting someone: asking 어떻게 되세요? ("how does it come to be?") is softer and more deferential than the blunt 뭐예요? ("what is it?"). The same softening logic gives you 몇 살이세요? over ×몇 살이야?, and for a visibly older person you climb one more rung to 연세가 어떻게 되세요?, using the honorific noun 연세 instead of 살.

That last one is worth savoring: ×밥 먹었어? and 식사하셨어요? ask the identical question, but the first is what you say to a roommate and the second is what you say to your friend's mother. Same meaning, opposite social move.

When 반말 is right — and how to get permission

반말 is not forbidden; it is licensed. Among close friends and to clear juniors it is the warm, natural register, and using 해요체 there can feel cold and distancing. The key is that the closeness has to already exist — or be granted.

When someone senior wants to shrink the distance, they offer 반말 explicitly — and until they do, you keep using 존댓말 even if they use 반말 to you. The classic invitations are 말 놓으세요 and 편하게 말해요.

Even offered, dropping 존댓말 is negotiated, not automatic — this whole dance has its own page, when 반말 is licensed. Until you are inside the "close, junior, or invited" circle, default up.

Speech level is often non-reciprocal — and that surprises English speakers

One assumption imported from English does real damage: the expectation that politeness is symmetric. In English, if someone speaks to you casually, matching them feels natural. In Korean, speech level is frequently one-directional: an older relative, a boss, or a senior may use 반말 to you while you keep using 존댓말 back, and that asymmetry is normal, not rude. Matching their 반말 uninvited — "you're casual, so I'll be casual" — is exactly the misstep this page is about. Service encounters make this sharpest: a clerk, a taxi driver, a delivery worker all get 해요체, and you address them with a title in 님, never with 반말.

Online and among anonymous peers the rules loosen — gaming chat and some communities default to a flat, 요-less register — but that is a walled-off exception, not permission to carry 반말 into the street. Offline, with a face in front of you, the safe move never changes: start in 존댓말 and let the other person lower the register first.

Common Mistakes

1. 반말 questions to a stranger. Add 요 / -세요.

2. 뭐야 for "what is it?" to someone new. Blunt and casual.

3. Asking an elder's age in 반말. Doubly risky — casual and an already-sensitive question.

4. Casual "did you eat?" to a superior. A warm greeting, but only in 존댓말.

Key Takeaways

• Choosing 반말 is a social claim of closeness, not a shortcut. Default to 해요체 with anyone not close and not clearly junior.
• Add 요 to lift a 반말 form (가 → 가요); for questions about your listener, use honorific -세요 (어디 가세요?, 몇 살이세요?).
• For elders, climb further with honorific nouns: 연세 (age), 식사하셨어요? (have you eaten).
• Reserve 반말 for close friends, clear juniors, or after an explicit invitation (말 놓으세요). When unsure, over-polite is always the safe bet.