こそあ in Discourse: Referring Back | Japanese Grammar

Every textbook first teaches こそあど as a map of physical space: これ is near me, それ is near you, あれ is far from both of us. That is true, but it is only half the system. In real conversation, most demonstratives point not at objects in the room but at things in the discourse — ideas, people, places, and events already in play between the speakers. This is anaphora ("referring back"), and here the choice between そ- and あ- is governed not by distance in meters but by who knows the referent. Getting this right is one of the clearest markers of an advanced speaker.

The governing question: whose knowledge?

For spatial demonstratives you ask "how far?" For discourse demonstratives you ask "who is acquainted with this thing?" The answer sorts neatly into three cases.

Series	Use it when the referent is…	Rough feel
そ- (それ・その・そこ)	just mentioned in the conversation, OR known to only one of you	"that _ (we're now discussing)"
あ- (あれ・あの・あそこ)	known firsthand to BOTH of you, from shared memory or experience	"that _ (you-know-the-one)"
こ- (これ・この・ここ)	in the speaker's own current sphere, or about to be spelled out	"this _ (here's the thing)"

Notice that physical distance has dropped out entirely. A café on the other side of the world takes あの if you both went there; a book lying right between you takes その if it only just entered the conversation. Distance is irrelevant — shared knowledge is everything.

そ- : the default anaphor

The そ-series is the everyday "referring-back" word. Use it in two overlapping situations: (1) the referent was just named a moment ago in the conversation, or (2) it belongs to the listener's world but not directly to yours.

その本、面白そうですね。どこで買ったんですか？

sono hon, omoshirosō desu ne. doko de katta n desu ka?

That book looks interesting. Where did you buy it?

Here その本 points back to a book the other person just mentioned or is holding up — it entered the shared conversation, so そ- is correct even though you have never read it.

山田さんから電話でしたよ。 ― あ、その人、今は出られないと伝えてください。

Yamada san kara denwa deshita yo — a, sono hito, ima wa derarenai to tsutaete kudasai

There was a call from Mr. Yamada. — Oh, tell that person I can't take it right now.

その人 refers to Yamada, whom the listener dealt with (took the call) but the speaker has not — knowledge held by only one party, so そ-.

あ- : the shared-memory demonstrative

The あ-series is where Japanese does something English simply cannot. あの / あれ / あそこ signal that the thing is lodged in the joint memory of both speakers — you were both there, you both know it, and you can therefore skip all explanation. This is the language of old friends, family, and colleagues who share a history.

あの店、覚えてる？また行きたいなあ。

ano mise, oboeteru? mata ikitai nā

Remember that place (we went to)? I'd love to go again.

あの人、最近どうしてるかな。

ano hito, saikin dō shiteru ka na

I wonder how that person (you-know-who) is doing these days.

In the second sentence あの人 works precisely because the listener will know exactly who is meant — no name required. Reach for あの人 when a name would feel redundant between the two of you; that redundancy is the whole point.

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The floor-holding filler あの、… ("um…") grows from this same root. When you stall with あの、ほら… you are literally inviting the listener to co-recall something you both know — "that thing, you know…". It presumes shared ground, which is why it feels warm and inclusive. See fillers and hesitation.

A two-line exchange, annotated

Watch そ- and あ- do their separate jobs inside a single conversation:

田中さんが転職するって噂、聞いた？

Tanaka san ga tenshoku suru tte uwasa, kiita?

Did you hear the rumor that Tanaka is changing jobs?

うん、その噂ね。ところで、前に田中さんと行ったあのカフェ、まだあるのかな。

un, sono uwasa ne. tokorode, mae ni Tanaka san to itta ano kafe, mada aru no ka na

Yeah, that rumor. By the way — that café we went to with Tanaka before, I wonder if it's still there.

その噂 points back to the rumor the first speaker just introduced into the conversation — a fresh discourse antecedent, so そ-.
あのカフェ points to a café both speakers physically visited together in the past — retrieved from shared memory, so あ-.

Swap them and the sentence breaks: あの噂 would imply the listener already had the rumor in mind before it was raised (they didn't — it was brand new), and その café would imply the café was only just mentioned in words (it wasn't — it's a shared experience being summoned up).

こ- : foregrounding what comes next

The こ-series covers the speaker's own immediate sphere, and it does one special discourse job: cataphora, pointing forward to something you are about to spell out.

私が言いたいのは、こういうことです。

watashi ga iitai no wa, kō iu koto desu

What I want to say is this:

ここだけの話だけど、部長、来月辞めるらしいよ。

koko dake no hanashi da kedo, buchō, raigetsu yameru rashii yo

Just between us — apparently the manager is quitting next month.

こういうこと sets up an explanation that follows; ここだけの話 ("a here-only story," i.e. off the record) frames the speaker's own confidential zone. In both, こ- foregrounds material the speaker is presenting fresh, as opposed to referring back.

Why this has no English equivalent

English has exactly one back-referring demonstrative for the distal slot: that. It does not care whether you and I share the memory — "remember that restaurant?" and "you mentioned some restaurant, and that restaurant sounds nice" both use that. Japanese splits these down the middle: shared experience triggers あ-, freshly-introduced or one-sided information triggers そ-. This is why a literal English-to-Japanese translation so often picks the wrong one. The habit to build is: before you say あの, silently check "has my listener actually experienced this too?" If not, it must be その.

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A useful rule of thumb: if you could replace it with "you-know-the-one," use あ-. If you'd have to explain which one you mean, use そ-. あの店 = "the place, you know the one." その店 = "the place I just told you about."

Because Japanese leans so heavily on shared context, speakers also simply drop referents that are recoverable — often the most natural choice is no demonstrative at all. See dropping pronouns and zero-pronoun reference for when to leave the slot empty entirely, and the full spatial-plus-discourse picture in the こそあど overview.

Common Mistakes

❌ 昨日、大学の友達に会って…あの子、すごく面白いんだ。

Incorrect — the listener has never met this friend, so あの (shared memory) is wrong.

✅ 昨日、大学の友達に会って…その子、すごく面白いんだ。

kinō, daigaku no tomodachi ni atte… sono ko, sugoku omoshiroi n da

Yesterday I met a friend from college… that friend is really funny.

Because you are introducing someone new whom the listener doesn't know, the reference is one-sided → その, not あの.

❌ 高校のとき、その先生、怖かったよね。

Incorrect — you're both recalling a teacher you shared, so それ/その misses the shared-memory nuance.

✅ 高校のとき、あの先生、怖かったよね。

kōkō no toki, ano sensei, kowakatta yo ne

Back in high school, that teacher was scary, wasn't he.

The ね confirms you both remember the teacher firsthand — classic あ- territory.

❌ (choosing あそこ because the shop is physically far, though the listener has never been) あそこのパン屋、おいしいよ。

Incorrect — picking あ- by physical distance instead of by shared knowledge.

✅ 駅前にパン屋があって、そこ、おいしいよ。

ekimae ni pan-ya ga atte, soko, oishii yo

There's a bakery in front of the station, and that place is delicious.

You introduced the bakery yourself and the listener doesn't know it, so そこ (referring back to what you just said), not あそこ.

❌ その旅行、楽しかったね。(of a trip you took together)

Incorrect for a jointly-experienced trip — its shared-memory status calls for あ-.

✅ あの旅行、楽しかったね。

ano ryokō, tanoshikatta ne

That trip was fun, wasn't it.

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