When two or more people do something to one another, Dutch uses the reciprocal pronoun elkaar — "each other." Ze kennen elkaar ("they know each other"), We helpen elkaar ("we help each other"). This looks straightforward, and the basic use is. But elkaar does two jobs that English handles differently: it fuses with prepositions to build common idioms (met elkaar, naar elkaar, door elkaar = "mixed up"), and it stands in sharp contrast to the reflexive zich. Ze slaan zich means "they hit themselves"; Ze slaan elkaar means "they hit each other." English keeps these two meanings apart with separate words — themselves vs each other — and so does Dutch, but you have to know which is which.
The basics: elkaar = each other
Elkaar is invariable — one form for all persons and numbers — and it always refers back to a plural subject (or a coordinated one like Jan en Marie). It sits in the object position, where an ordinary object pronoun would go.
Ze kennen elkaar al jaren.
They've known each other for years. Plural subject 'ze' + reciprocal 'elkaar'.
We zien elkaar morgen.
We'll see each other tomorrow. The standard way to say 'see you tomorrow' to someone you'll both be there with.
Jan en Marie vertrouwen elkaar volledig.
Jan and Marie trust each other completely. A coordinated subject counts as plural.
Reciprocal-only verbs
Some verbs are inherently mutual — they describe an action that requires two parties — and these naturally pair with elkaar (or appear with a plural subject and no object at all). Elkaar ontmoeten ("meet each other"), elkaar tegenkomen ("run into each other"). With a singular subject you'd need a named partner instead.
We hebben elkaar op een feestje ontmoet.
We met (each other) at a party. 'ontmoeten' is reciprocal by nature; 'elkaar' makes the mutuality explicit.
Ze kwamen elkaar toevallig tegen in de supermarkt.
They ran into each other by chance at the supermarket. 'elkaar tegenkomen' = bump into one another.
Elkaar fuses with prepositions
This is where English speakers stumble. When a verb governs a preposition, elkaar combines with it into a tight, often idiomatic unit: met elkaar (with each other / together), naar elkaar (at/toward each other), van elkaar (from each other / apart), op elkaar (on top of / onto each other), door elkaar (through each other → mixed up). These behave like set phrases and are worth learning as vocabulary.
| Phrase | Meaning | Example |
|---|---|---|
| met elkaar | with each other, together | Ze praten met elkaar. |
| naar elkaar | at/toward each other | Ze lachen naar elkaar. |
| van elkaar | from each other, apart | Ze houden van elkaar.* |
| op elkaar | on top of / onto each other | De borden staan op elkaar. |
| door elkaar | mixed up, in a jumble | Alles ligt door elkaar. |
*Note the trap in houden van: the verb houden van means "to love," and with elkaar it becomes van elkaar houden — the van belongs to the verb, not to a literal "from."
Ze houden van elkaar.
They love each other. 'houden van' (to love) + 'elkaar' → 'van elkaar houden'. The 'van' is part of the verb.
De kinderen waren lief tegen elkaar.
The children were sweet to each other. With 'lief' the preposition is 'tegen' (or 'voor'), not 'naar' — each verb picks its own preposition before 'elkaar'.
Na de ruzie gingen ze uit elkaar.
After the argument they broke up / split up. 'uit elkaar gaan' = to separate, a fixed phrase.
door elkaar = mixed up
Door elkaar deserves its own note. Literally "through each other," it has become the everyday phrase for mixed up, jumbled, in disorder — and it often loses any reciprocal sense entirely. You'll hear it about papers, ingredients, and even feelings.
Alle papieren liggen door elkaar.
All the papers are mixed up / in a jumble. Here 'door elkaar' is pure 'in disorder' — no real reciprocity left.
Klop de eieren even door elkaar.
Beat the eggs together for a moment. 'door elkaar kloppen' = whisk/mix together.
Ik was helemaal door elkaar na het slechte nieuws.
I was completely shaken / rattled after the bad news. 'door elkaar' of a person = upset, thrown off balance.
Elkaar versus zich: each other vs themselves
This is the contrast that makes the page essential. A plural subject plus a reflexive verb is genuinely ambiguous in many languages, but Dutch resolves it cleanly:
- zich points each person back at themselves (self-directed).
- elkaar points each person at the others (mutual).
Ze slaan zich.
They're hitting themselves. Each person hits their own body — reflexive 'zich'.
Ze slaan elkaar.
They're hitting each other. The action goes between them — reciprocal 'elkaar'.
English encodes exactly this difference with two separate words, themselves vs each other, so the concept is familiar — the only new thing is the Dutch vocabulary. The danger is using zich (which you learned first) for a meaning that actually needs elkaar.
De twee landen begrijpen elkaar niet.
The two countries don't understand each other. Mutual misunderstanding → 'elkaar', never 'zich'.
Ze wassen zich, ieder apart.
They wash themselves, each separately. Self-directed → 'zich'. With 'elkaar' it would mean they wash one another.
The mekaar variant
In informal speech you'll hear mekaar instead of elkaar — same meaning, more colloquial. Ze kennen mekaar (informal) = Ze kennen elkaar (neutral). In writing, stick with elkaar; mekaar is firmly (informal) and looks out of place in print. The fused phrases follow suit: met mekaar, door mekaar.
We zien mekaar straks wel.
We'll catch each other later. (informal) Colloquial 'mekaar' for 'elkaar' — fine in casual speech, not in writing.
Placement in the sentence
Elkaar is a full object pronoun, but unlike the short reflexives it can sit a bit later in the middle field — it does not crowd to the very front the way zich/me/je do. In the perfect, it still comes before the participle at the end.
We hebben elkaar lang niet gezien.
We haven't seen each other in a long time. 'elkaar' sits before the participle 'gezien'.
Ze hebben elkaar gisteren voor het eerst ontmoet.
They met each other for the first time yesterday. 'elkaar' precedes the participle 'ontmoet'.
Common Mistakes
The classic errors are confusing elkaar with zich, and mishandling the fused prepositions.
❌ Ze helpen zich. (meaning: they help each other)
Incorrect for the mutual meaning — 'zich' would mean they each help themselves. For 'each other' you need 'elkaar'.
✅ Ze helpen elkaar.
They help each other.
❌ Ze houden elkaar. (meaning: they love each other)
Incorrect — the verb is 'houden van', so the 'van' is obligatory: 'van elkaar houden'.
✅ Ze houden van elkaar.
They love each other.
❌ De papieren liggen gemengd.
Unidiomatic — 'gemengd' (mixed) isn't how you say a jumble of papers. The set phrase is 'door elkaar'.
✅ De papieren liggen door elkaar.
The papers are all mixed up.
❌ Ik ken elkaar. (with a singular subject)
Incorrect — 'elkaar' needs a plural subject. One person can't act reciprocally; use a named partner: 'Ik ken hem'.
✅ Wij kennen elkaar.
We know each other.
❌ Ze praten elkaar.
Incorrect — 'praten' governs 'met': you talk WITH each other. The preposition can't be dropped.
✅ Ze praten met elkaar.
They talk to each other.
Key Takeaways
- elkaar ("each other") marks a mutual action and needs a plural subject; it's invariable — one form for everyone.
- It fuses with prepositions: met elkaar (together), naar elkaar (toward each other), van elkaar (apart), op elkaar (onto each other), and door elkaar (mixed up). Learn these as set phrases; the preposition belongs to the verb (van elkaar houden = to love each other).
- door elkaar has drifted to mean "jumbled / in disorder" and, of a person, "shaken / upset" — often with no reciprocity left.
- elkaar vs zich is the core contrast: Ze slaan elkaar (each other) vs Ze slaan zich (themselves). Test with "one another" → elkaar; "their own self" → zich.
- Informal speech uses mekaar; keep elkaar in writing.
Now practice Dutch
Reading grammar gets you part of the way. The exercises are where it sticks — free, no signup needed.
Start learning Dutch→Related Topics
- Reflexive VerbsB1 — Many Dutch verbs carry a reflexive pronoun (me, je, zich, ons) as part of their frame. Some are obligatorily reflexive with no English reflexive at all (zich vergissen = be mistaken, zich herinneren = remember, zich haasten = hurry); others are optionally reflexive, changing meaning depending on whether the object is the subject (zich wassen vs iemand wassen). The pronoun is best learned as part of the verb.
- Reflexive Pronouns and ZichA2 — When the subject acts on itself, Dutch uses a reflexive pronoun: me, je, ons reuse the object forms, but the third person and formal u have their own word, zich (Hij wast zich) — a form English simply does not have. Adding -zelf (mezelf, zichzelf) marks emphasis or genuine self-directed action, and many Dutch verbs are obligatorily reflexive where English uses none (zich vergissen = to be mistaken).
- Elkaar in Depth: Reciprocity and PrepositionsB2 — A deeper look at the reciprocal pronoun elkaar — its possessive elkaars, how it combines with prepositions (met/naar/tegen/door elkaar), and the lexicalised idioms achter elkaar (in a row), na elkaar (one after another) and door elkaar (mixed up).
- Zich vs Zichzelf: Plain vs Emphatic ReflexiveB2 — Dutch has two third-person reflexive forms — zich and zichzelf — and English's single '-self' hides the difference. Zich is the plain reflexive that goes with inherently reflexive verbs, where 'self' isn't contrastive (zich wassen, zich vergissen). Zichzelf is emphatic: it's used when the self is a genuine object set against others, or stressed (zichzelf kennen, van zichzelf houden). This page gives the rule, head-to-head pairs, and the errors English speakers make most.
- Placing Pronouns in the Middle FieldB1 — Unstressed object pronouns in Dutch cliticise leftward, hugging the finite verb or subject and overriding the indirect-before-direct order that full nouns follow.