English makes requests polite by adding one magic word — "please" — and you can stick it almost anywhere ("close the door, please," "please could you..."). Chinese doesn't work that way. It scales politeness by the opener you choose, and 请 (qǐng) is not an all-purpose "please" you sprinkle on. This is a practical recipe page: given a real situation, how do you actually ask for something politely? The answer is almost always about choosing the right opener for two variables — how close you are to the person, and how big the imposition is. (For the pure grammar of 请 as a verb, see 请 invite/request; here we're choosing between openers.)
The politeness scale of openers
Line the openers up from most intimate to most formal, and the whole system snaps into focus. Each rung suits a different mix of closeness and imposition.
| Opener | Feel | Best for |
|---|---|---|
| bare imperative + 一下 (帮我拿一下) | direct, friendly | close friends/family, small asks |
| 请 + verb (请坐) | polite, ushering | service, set phrases, semi-formal, strangers in formal settings |
| 麻烦你 / 麻烦您 … | "sorry to trouble you" | a real favor — acknowledges the imposition |
| 能不能 … / 可以 … 吗 | tentative, gives an out | softening any request, especially a bigger one |
| 劳驾 / 借光 … | "excuse me, may I" | a stranger's help or passage (northern) |
The rest of this page walks each rung, so you know which to reach for.
请 — fronts a polite imperative, but isn't "please" everywhere
请 goes first, before the verb (请 + V), and its flavor is that of ushering someone — "do sit," "do come in" — more than the English "please." It shines in service and semi-formal settings and lives inside a set of fixed phrases you should just memorize: 请坐 "have a seat," 请进 "come in," 请问 "may I ask," 请稍等 "one moment please."
请坐，请喝茶。
qǐng zuò, qǐng hē chá
Please, have a seat — have some tea. (polite) — 请 ushers; a host says this warmly.
请问，洗手间在哪儿？
qǐng wèn, xǐshǒujiān zài nǎr?
Excuse me, where's the restroom? (polite) — 请问 is the set opener for asking a stranger a question.
The key mismatch with English: you do not attach 请 to every request, and never at the end. With close friends it actually sounds distant and cold — like calling your roommate "sir." And 请 alone doesn't carry "sorry to bother you"; for a genuine favor you need 麻烦你.
请把手机调成静音。
qǐng bǎ shǒujī tiáo chéng jìngyīn
Please set your phone to silent. (formal) — a notice or announcement, where 请 + verb is exactly right.
麻烦你 / 麻烦您 — the "sorry to trouble you" opener
This is the one English speakers underuse. 麻烦你 literally means "to trouble you," and as an opener it does the heavy lifting of acknowledging that you're imposing — the real "sorry to bother you, but could you...". It's the natural way to ask a favor of a colleague, a shopkeeper, or a stranger who'll have to go out of their way. Use 您 instead of 你 to raise the respect.
麻烦你帮我拿一下那个包，好吗？
máfan nǐ bāng wǒ ná yíxià nàge bāo, hǎo ma?
Could I trouble you to pass me that bag? (polite) — 麻烦你 opens, 一下 and 好吗 soften.
麻烦您把这个转告给王经理。
máfan nín bǎ zhège zhuǎngào gěi Wáng jīnglǐ
Could I trouble you to pass this on to Manager Wang? (polite/formal) — 您 lifts the respect for a workplace favor.
劳驾 / 借光 — opening a request to a stranger
When you need something from a stranger — to squeeze past, to ask directions, a small hand — northern speech opens with 劳驾 (láojià) "excuse me, may I trouble you," or the folksier 借光 (jièguāng, literally "borrow your light"). They're the spoken doorway to a stranger request, close to "excuse me" but explicitly asking for a small favor. This overlaps with getting a stranger's attention.
劳驾，让我过一下。
láojià, ràng wǒ guò yíxià
Excuse me, could you let me through? (regional: northern) — 劳驾 opens a small request to a stranger.
Softening the request itself: 能不能, 可以…吗, 一下
Beyond the opener, you can soften the request by phrasing it as a question that gives the other person an out. 能不能… "could you possibly…" and 可以…吗 "is it okay if…" turn a command into an offer to decline — the more you use them, the gentler the ask. Tacking on 一下 "just briefly" or 一点儿 "a little" shrinks the imposition further (see 一下 / 一点儿 softeners and the broader softening devices). The workhorse everyday frame stacks several: 帮我 + verb + 一下.
你能不能帮我一个忙？
nǐ néng bu néng bāng wǒ yí ge máng?
Could you do me a favor? (softened) — the 能不能 question form gives an easy out.
你可以帮我看一下这个吗？
nǐ kěyǐ bāng wǒ kàn yíxià zhège ma?
Can you take a look at this for me? (softened) — 可以…吗 plus 一下 makes it gentle and small.
For picking among the modals themselves — 能, 可以, 会 — see softened requests with modals.
Choosing in real life
A quick decision routine: close friend, small ask → bare imperative + 一下 (帮我拿一下). Semi-formal or a set situation → 请 + verb. A real favor from anyone → open with 麻烦你/您. Bigger ask or want to be gentle → wrap it as 能不能… / 可以…吗. A stranger, on the street → 劳驾…. Layer them freely — 麻烦你能不能帮我… is perfectly natural.
帮我关下门，谢谢。
bāng wǒ guān xià mén, xièxie
Get the door for me, thanks. (informal) — with a friend, no 请 needed; that would sound stiff.
Common Mistakes
1. Putting 请 at the end, like English "please." 请 goes first, before the verb.
❌ 帮我一下，请。
Incorrect — 请 doesn't tag onto the end. Say 请帮我一下 or, with a friend, just 帮我一下。
✅ 请帮我一下。
qǐng bāng wǒ yíxià
Please give me a hand. — 请 fronts the verb.
2. Sprinkling 请 on requests to close friends. It sounds cold and distant, like being overly formal with family.
❌ 请把盐递给我。
Too formal for a roommate at dinner — 请 sounds stiff between friends. Say 帮我递下盐 or 把盐递给我。
✅ 帮我递一下盐。
bāng wǒ dì yíxià yán
Pass me the salt. — the natural, friendly ask among intimates.
3. Forgetting 麻烦你 for a genuine favor. A bare imperative for something that costs the other person effort can sound entitled; 麻烦你 acknowledges the trouble.
❌ 你去帮我买杯咖啡。
To a coworker this sounds like an order — add an imposition-acknowledger: 麻烦你帮我带杯咖啡，好吗？
✅ 麻烦你帮我带杯咖啡，好吗？
máfan nǐ bāng wǒ dài bēi kāfēi, hǎo ma?
Could I trouble you to grab me a coffee? — 麻烦你 + 好吗 make it a polite favor, not a command.
4. Using 劳驾 where 请 belongs (or vice versa). 劳驾 opens a stranger request in speech; it's odd on a printed sign, where 请 is standard (请勿吸烟, not 劳驾勿吸烟).
Key Takeaways
- Chinese scales request politeness by the opener, not by an all-purpose "please."
- 请 fronts a polite imperative (请 + verb), lives in set phrases (请坐, 请问), and suits service/semi-formal use — but sounds cold with close friends and doesn't mean "sorry to bother you."
- 麻烦你 / 您 is the "sorry to trouble you" opener for a real favor — and 麻烦你了 thanks someone for the trouble.
- 劳驾 / 借光 open a small request to a stranger (northern, spoken).
- Soften the request itself with 能不能… / 可以…吗 (gives an out) and 一下 / 一点儿 (shrinks the imposition); the everyday frame is 帮我 + verb + 一下.
Now practice Chinese
Reading grammar gets you part of the way. The exercises are where it sticks — free, no signup needed.
Start learning Chinese→Related Topics
- Softening Requests with Modal QuestionsHSK 3 — The politest way to ask for something in Chinese is to phrase it as a modal yes/no question — 可以…吗？能不能…？可不可以…？方便…吗？ Instead of ordering (帮我一下!), you ask about the listener's ability, permission, or convenience, which hands them an easy way to say no.
- Getting Attention & InterruptingHSK 2 — Before you ask a stranger anything, you open the channel: 不好意思 (excuse me) to flag someone or squeeze past, 请问 (may I ask) to preface a question, 打扰一下 to interrupt someone busy, 劳驾/借过 to get through a crowd. The classic error is using 对不起 — a real apology — just to get attention.
- Softeners: …一下 and …一点儿HSK 2 — Two little tails shrink a request so it feels like a small favor: …一下 (yíxià) after a verb ('just / real quick' — 看一下, 等一下) and …一点儿 (yìdiǎnr) after an adjective ('a bit' — 便宜一点儿, 小声一点儿). Both make an ask sound smaller, and therefore easier to grant.