You can't ask a stranger for directions until you've done something first: opened the channel — flagged them down and signalled "I'm about to impose on you, sorry." In English that pre-move is "excuse me," "sorry to bother you," "pardon me." Chinese has a small kit of openers for exactly this moment, and the single most common mistake English speakers make is reaching for 对不起 (duìbuqǐ) — a genuine apology for a wrong done — when all they want is attention. The everyday attention-getter is 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi). Getting this pre-move right is what makes a request land as polite rather than abrupt. For the address terms that go with these openers, see addressing strangers; for the apology scale, degrees of apologizing.
不好意思: the everyday "excuse me"
不好意思 literally means "ill at ease / embarrassed," and that's exactly the light social note you want when flagging someone down, squeezing past, or interrupting briefly. It is not a heavy apology — it's the verbal equivalent of a small apologetic smile. Use it to open almost any approach to a stranger.
不好意思，你的手机掉了。
bù hǎoyìsi, nǐ de shǒujī diào le.
Excuse me, you dropped your phone. (neutral) — 不好意思 flags a stranger gently.
不好意思，让我过一下。
bù hǎoyìsi, ràng wǒ guò yíxià.
Excuse me, let me squeeze past. (informal) — flagging + making way.
请问: prefacing a question
When your imposition is specifically a question to a stranger, front it with 请问 — literally "may I ask." It signals that a question is coming and frames it courteously. Crucially, 不好意思 and 请问 are not rivals; they stack. The idiomatic opener is 不好意思，请问… — first flag the person, then flag the question.
不好意思，请问洗手间在哪儿？
bù hǎoyìsi, qǐngwèn xǐshǒujiān zài nǎr?
Excuse me, may I ask where the restroom is? (polite) — the stacked opener 不好意思，请问.
请问，地铁站怎么走？
qǐngwèn, dìtiě zhàn zěnme zǒu?
Excuse me, how do I get to the subway station? (polite) — 请问 prefaces the question.
请问一下，这附近有药店吗？
qǐngwèn yíxià, zhè fùjìn yǒu yàodiàn ma?
May I ask — is there a pharmacy near here? (polite) — 请问一下 softens further.
Launching straight into 洗手间在哪儿？with no opener isn't ungrammatical, but to a stranger it sounds as blunt as walking up and barking "where's the toilet?" The 请问 is what makes it courteous.
打扰一下: interrupting someone busy
For a bigger interruption — breaking into someone's work, a conversation, a phone call, knocking to enter — use 打扰一下 (dǎrǎo yíxià, "sorry to disturb you") or the more respectful 打扰您一下. It explicitly names the disturbance, so it acknowledges you're taking more than a passing second of their time.
打扰一下，请问王老师在吗？
dǎrǎo yíxià, qǐngwèn Wáng lǎoshī zài ma?
Sorry to bother you — is Teacher Wang in? (polite) — 打扰一下 for entering/interrupting, then 请问.
打扰您几分钟，我想请教一个问题。
dǎrǎo nín jǐ fēnzhōng, wǒ xiǎng qǐngjiào yí ge wèntí.
May I take a few minutes of your time? I'd like to ask your advice. (formal) — 打扰您 acknowledges the imposition.
劳驾 / 借过: "pardon me, coming through"
When the imposition is physical — you need someone to make way in a crowd, on a bus, in a queue — Chinese has dedicated formulas:
| Opener | Use | Register / region |
|---|---|---|
| 劳驾 (láojià) | ask someone to make way or do a small thing | polite, northern/Beijing flavor |
| 借过 (jièguò) / 借过一下 | "let me through," squeezing past | everyday, widespread |
| 借光 (jièguāng) | "pardon me, let me pass" | older/dated, northern |
| 请让一下 (qǐng ràng yíxià) | "please move aside a moment" | neutral, general |
劳驾，让我过去一下。
láojià, ràng wǒ guòqù yíxià.
Pardon me, let me get through. (polite, northern) — 劳驾 to make way.
借过一下，我到站了。
jièguò yíxià, wǒ dào zhàn le.
Excuse me, coming through — this is my stop. (informal) — 借过 on a packed bus/metro.
Address terms: whom you're flagging
Openers often ride on top of an address term that names the person you're hailing — the equivalent of "sir," "miss," "boss." The choice signals how you read the person, so it matters (and one term is a trap). Full treatment on addressing strangers and kinship terms for strangers; the working set:
- 师傅 (shīfu) — drivers, workers, tradespeople; warm and respectful to service/manual workers.
- 帅哥 (shuàigē) / 美女 (měinǚ) — "handsome / beauty," a friendly, flattering way to hail young adults, ubiquitous in shops and markets.
- 先生 (xiānsheng) / 女士 (nǚshì) — "sir / madam," formal, safe in business and service.
- 师傅、同学、阿姨 — occupation/age-based terms for workers, students, older women.
师傅，请问去火车站怎么走？
shīfu, qǐngwèn qù huǒchēzhàn zěnme zǒu?
Excuse me (driver/sir), how do I get to the train station? (polite) — 师傅 hails a driver, then 请问.
美女，这个多少钱？
měinǚ, zhège duōshao qián?
Miss, how much is this? (informal, market/shop) — 美女 as a friendly hail.
Common Mistakes
1. Using 对不起 just to get attention. 对不起 is a real apology ("I'm sorry [for what I did]"). To merely flag a stranger, it's oddly heavy — like saying "I apologize" to ask the time. Use 不好意思.
❌ 对不起，请问几点了？
Over-heavy — 对不起 apologizes for a wrong; to flag a stranger use 不好意思.
✅ 不好意思，请问几点了？
bù hǎoyìsi, qǐngwèn jǐ diǎn le?
Excuse me, what time is it? — 不好意思 is the right attention-getter.
2. Launching a question at a stranger with no opener. Grammatical, but abrupt — like barking the question cold.
❌ 洗手间在哪儿？
Abrupt to a stranger — no opener, sounds like a demand.
✅ 不好意思，请问洗手间在哪儿？
bù hǎoyìsi, qǐngwèn xǐshǒujiān zài nǎr?
Excuse me, may I ask where the restroom is? — opener + 请问.
3. Using 请问 for a physical "let me through." 请问 prefaces a question, not a request to make way; for that use 劳驾 / 借过 / 请让一下.
❌ 请问，我要过去。
Wrong tool — 请问 is for asking a question, not clearing a path.
✅ 借过一下，我要过去。
jièguò yíxià, wǒ yào guòqù.
Excuse me, I need to get through. — 借过 clears a path.
4. Hailing a young woman with a bare 小姐 on the mainland. It can read as an insult; switch to 美女 or 女士.
❌ 小姐，请问几楼？
Risky on the mainland — 小姐 can carry a seedy connotation.
✅ 美女，请问几楼？
měinǚ, qǐngwèn jǐ lóu?
Excuse me (miss), which floor? — 美女 is the safe casual hail.
Key Takeaways
- 不好意思 is the everyday "excuse me" — flag someone, squeeze past, interrupt briefly; it's light, not a real apology.
- 请问 prefaces a question to a stranger; the idiomatic opener stacks them: 不好意思，请问…
- 打扰一下 / 打扰您一下 for a bigger interruption (entering, breaking into work); 劳驾 / 借过 / 请让一下 to get through physically.
- Don't use 对不起 (a genuine apology) merely to get attention — it's too heavy.
- Ride the opener on an address term (师傅, 美女, 先生), and avoid a bare 小姐 on the mainland.
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- Apologizing: 对不起/不好意思/抱歉/打扰HSK 2 — English 'sorry' does everything; Chinese grades apologies by weight. Light 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi) for small stuff, real 对不起 (duìbuqǐ) for genuine faults, formal 抱歉 (bàoqiàn) in writing and announcements, heavy 真的很抱歉/请原谅 for serious harm. The trap is over-firing 对不起 for a trivial bump — it sounds dramatic.
- Addressing Strangers: 师傅/帅哥/美女/老板HSK 3 — Chinese has no neutral 'sir/ma'am' to fall back on — you pick an address term by the stranger's role, age, and gender: 师傅 for a driver or tradesperson, 帅哥/美女 for a young man/woman, 老板 for a shopkeeper, 阿姨/大爷 for older adults, 同学 for a student. The classic trap is 小姐, which now carries a seedy ring on the mainland.
- Making Requests: 请/麻烦你/劳驾HSK 2 — Chinese scales the politeness of a request by the OPENER you choose, not by sprinkling 'please' everywhere: 请 (qǐng) fronts a polite imperative, 麻烦你 (máfan nǐ) does the 'sorry to bother you' work, and 劳驾 (láojià) opens a request to a stranger. Pick the opener by social distance and how big the favor is.