A reflexive pronoun points the action back at the subject: in "I wash myself," the washer and the washed are the same person. Romanian, like English, has reflexive pronouns — but it has two sets, an accusative one and a dative one, and the choice is built into the verb. More importantly, the 3rd person works very differently from English: where English has himself / herself / themselves (three different words), Romanian has a single reflexive se (or dative își) that covers every gender and number. That one fact, once it sticks, resolves most reflexive errors. This page lays out both sets and drills the 3rd-person contrast that matters most.
The two reflexive sets
The accusative reflexive marks the subject as the thing acted upon ("I wash myself"). The dative reflexive marks the subject as the beneficiary or mental locus ("I remember = I bring to my own mind"). Here are both, side by side.
| Person | Accusative reflexive | Dative reflexive |
|---|---|---|
| eu (I) | mă | îmi |
| tu (you) | te | îți |
| el / ea (he / she) | se | își |
| noi (we) | ne | ne |
| voi (you pl.) | vă | vă |
| ei / ele (they) | se | își |
Two things to notice. First, the plurals ne and vă are shared between the two sets — only the singulars and the 3rd-person plural reveal the case. Second, the 3rd-person forms are the same for singular and plural: se and își serve el, ea, ei, ele alike. This is the most un-English feature of the system, so it gets its own section.
Accusative reflexive: the action loops back
With an accusative reflexive verb, the clitic is the direct object and refers to the subject. The cleanest examples are the "grooming" verbs, where English would use -self.
Mă spăl pe față cu apă rece ca să mă trezesc.
I wash my face with cold water to wake myself up.
Te îmbraci prea gros, afară sunt douăzeci de grade.
You're dressing too warmly, it's twenty degrees outside.
Ne grăbim, că pierdem trenul de șapte.
We're hurrying, or we'll miss the seven o'clock train.
Many extremely common verbs are accusative-reflexive in form without any "self" meaning — a se uita (to look/watch), a se duce (to go). You learn the clitic as part of the verb. The full account of true vs. form-only reflexives is on the accusative reflexive verbs page; here the point is just the pronoun set.
Mă uit la un serial nou, e chiar bun.
I'm watching a new series, it's actually good.
Dative reflexive: to or for oneself
With a dative reflexive verb, the clitic marks the subject as the one to whom or for whom the action happens. The meaning is often hidden in the English translation but visible in the literal sense: îmi amintesc = "I bring (it) back to my own mind."
Îmi amintesc perfect prima zi în orașul ăsta.
I remember the first day in this city perfectly.
Îți dorești ceva anume de ziua ta?
Do you want anything in particular for your birthday?
Nu îmi imaginez viața fără cafea dimineața.
I can't imagine life without coffee in the morning.
The dative reflexive also shows up productively to mean "for one's own benefit" with ordinary verbs: îmi fac o cafea ("I make myself a coffee"), își cumpără o mașină nouă ("he's buying himself a new car"). Here the îmi / își is the "for myself / for himself" beneficiary.
Își cumpără mereu cărți pe care nu apucă să le citească.
He's always buying himself books he never gets around to reading.
The heart of it: the 3rd person is se / își for everyone
This is the contrast every English speaker has to internalize. English splits the 3rd-person reflexive by gender and number — himself, herself, itself, themselves. Romanian does not. The accusative reflexive is se and the dative reflexive is își, regardless of whether the subject is el (he), ea (she), ei (they, masc.), or ele (they, fem.).
| Subject | "…washes himself/etc." (acc.) | "…remembers" (dat.) |
|---|---|---|
| el (he) | el se spală | el își amintește |
| ea (she) | ea se spală | ea își amintește |
| ei (they, m.) | ei se spală | ei își amintesc |
| ele (they, f.) | ele se spală | ele își amintesc |
The clitic se / își never flexes for gender or number — only the verb changes (singular amintește vs. plural amintesc). This is liberating once you trust it: you do not have to compute the subject's gender to pick the reflexive, the way you must in English.
Copiii se spală pe mâini înainte de masă.
The children wash their hands before the meal. (plural subject → still se)
Bunica își amintește lucruri de acum șaptezeci de ani.
Grandma remembers things from seventy years ago. (feminine subject → still își)
Ei își fac mereu griji pentru nimic.
They're always worrying themselves over nothing. (masc. plural → still își)
Why se ≠ the personal clitics îl / o / îi / le
Now the contrast that prevents the single most common 3rd-person reflexive error. The personal object clitics — îl (him), o (her), îi (them m./to him,her), le (them f./to them) — point at someone other than the subject. The reflexive clitic se / își points back at the subject. They are not interchangeable.
So "he washes the child" uses a personal clitic (the object is someone else): Îl spală pe copil. But "he washes himself" uses the reflexive: Se spală. Using îl in the second sentence — Îl spală — would mean "he washes him (someone else)," which is the opposite of reflexive.
Mama îl spală pe bebeluș, apoi se spală și ea.
The mother washes the baby (îl = the baby), then she washes herself too (se = the mother).
Maria o piaptănă pe sora ei mică, dar nu se piaptănă niciodată pe ea.
Maria combs her little sister's hair (o = the sister), but never combs her own (se = Maria).
That second example is the whole distinction in one breath: o targets the sister (a different person), se targets Maria herself. For a fuller treatment of when to use the reflexive vs. the personal clitic, see reflexive vs. personal pronouns.
Common Mistakes
❌ El îl spală în fiecare dimineață. (meaning 'he washes himself')
Incorrect — îl points at someone else; the reflexive 'himself' is se: El se spală.
✅ El se spală în fiecare dimineață.
He washes (himself) every morning.
❌ Ea se amintește de tine.
Incorrect — a-și aminti is a DATIVE reflexive; the 3rd-person dative form is își, not se.
✅ Ea își amintește de tine.
She remembers you.
❌ Ei sa spală pe mâini.
Incorrect spelling/form — the reflexive is se (and it's the same for plural subjects): ei se spală.
✅ Ei se spală pe mâini.
They wash their hands.
❌ Mă amintesc numele tău.
Incorrect — a-și aminti is dative-reflexive, so 'I' is îmi, not the accusative mă: îmi amintesc.
✅ Îmi amintesc numele tău.
I remember your name.
❌ Își spală pe mâini. (meaning 'he washes his hands')
Mismatched case — a se spăla is accusative-reflexive, so the clitic is se, not the dative își: se spală pe mâini.
✅ Se spală pe mâini.
He washes his hands.
Key Takeaways
- Two reflexive sets: accusative mă/te/se/ne/vă/se and dative îmi/îți/își/ne/vă/își; the verb's dictionary form (a se vs. a-și) tells you which.
- The plurals ne and vă are shared between the two sets.
- The 3rd person is se (accusative) / își (dative) for any gender or number — el se spală, ele se spală, ea își amintește.
- The reflexive se/își points back at the subject; the personal clitics îl/o/îi/le point at someone else — never substitute one for the other in the 3rd person.
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- Reflexive vs Personal Clitics (se vs îl, își vs îi)B1 — The 3rd-person reflexive (se acc., își dat.) points BACK at the subject; the personal clitics (îl/o/îi/le acc., îi/le dat.) point at SOMEONE ELSE. Se spală = he washes himself, Îl spală = he washes him (another person); Își cumpără o carte = buys himself a book, Îi cumpără o carte = buys him/her a book. Only the 3rd person makes this distinction.
- Accusative Clitic Pronouns (mă, te, îl, o, ne, vă, îi, le)A2 — The unstressed direct-object clitics — mă, te, îl, o, ne, vă, îi, le — sit BEFORE the finite verb (Te văd, Îl cunosc), fuse with the perfect auxiliary (M-a văzut, L-am chemat), and hide one famous irregular: the feminine 'o' attaches AFTER the participle (Am văzut-o).
- Dative Clitic Pronouns (îmi, îți, îi, ne, vă, le)A2 — The dative clitics — îmi, îți, îi, ne, vă, le — mark the recipient ('to/for me'). They power Îmi place, Îți spun, Îi dau; they OBLIGATORILY double a full dative noun (Îi spun Mariei); and 'îi' is a double agent meaning both 'to him/her' and 'them' (acc. masc.).
- Accusative Reflexive VerbsA2 — The accusative reflexive clitics mă, te, se, ne, vă, se — true reflexives and the large class of verbs that are reflexive in form only.
- Dative Reflexive VerbsB1 — The dative reflexive clitics îmi, îți, își, ne, vă, își — verbs like a-și aminti and a-și dori that act on one's own mind or in one's own interest.
- Possession via Dative CliticsB1 — Romanian routinely marks possession of body parts, relatives and close belongings with a dative clitic plus a definite noun, not a possessive: Mi-a murit bunicul (my grandfather died), Îți tremură mâinile (your hands are shaking), I s-a stricat mașina (his car broke down), Și-a rupt piciorul (broke his own leg). The reflexive și- marks possession by the subject.