客气话 — Modesty Phrases & Responses | Chinese (Mandarin) Grammar

Praise a native English speaker's cooking and they say "thank you!" — they accept the compliment gracefully. Praise a Chinese speaker's cooking and the reflex is often the opposite: 哪里哪里，做得不好 "not at all, it's nothing special." This is not false modesty or fishing for more; it is a genuine politeness routine called 客气话 (kèqihuà), literally "polite talk" — a small set of scripted phrases for deflecting praise, waving off thanks, and putting a guest at ease. For an English speaker the counter-intuitive part is that accepting a compliment outright can read as immodest, even a little boastful. Learn the deflection scripts and you'll sound gracious instead of grabby. This page pairs with the broader logic of 客气 politeness.

Deflecting a compliment

The core move is to downplay the praise rather than bank it. Several set phrases do this, from the classic to the casual:

Phrase	Pinyin	Literal	Register
哪里哪里	nǎlǐ nǎlǐ	"where, where?"	polite, a touch old-fashioned
过奖了	guòjiǎng le	"you over-praise"	formal / modest
没有没有	méiyǒu méiyǒu	"no, no"	everyday, very common
还差得远呢	hái chà de yuǎn ne	"still far off"	modest, sincere
一般一般	yìbān yìbān	"so-so"	casual, self-deprecating

The most famous is 哪里哪里 (nǎlǐ nǎlǐ). Frozen into a modesty formula, it no longer means "where?" — it is closer to "oh, hardly" or "you flatter me," a rhetorical where would you find such a thing? Note its register: it is a little bookish and old-fashioned now, warm in the mouth of an older speaker but slightly formal for casual peers, who lean toward 没有没有 or 哪有哪有 (nǎ yǒu nǎ yǒu).

——你中文说得真好！——哪里哪里，还差得远呢。

— nǐ Zhōngwén shuō de zhēn hǎo! — nǎlǐ nǎlǐ, hái chà de yuǎn ne.

— Your Chinese is really good! — Oh, hardly — I've still got a long way to go. (polite) — the textbook deflection pair.

——这道菜太好吃了！——没有没有，随便做做的。

— zhè dào cài tài hǎochī le! — méiyǒu méiyǒu, suíbiàn zuòzuo de.

— This dish is delicious! — No, no, I just threw it together. (informal) — the everyday version, softened by 随便做做.

——您这篇文章写得真专业。——过奖了，还有很多不足。

— nín zhè piān wénzhāng xiě de zhēn zhuānyè. — guòjiǎng le, hái yǒu hěn duō bùzú.

— Your article is really professional. — You're too kind — there's still a lot lacking. (formal) — 过奖了 fits a more formal, written-ish compliment.

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Don't take 哪里哪里 literally. There is a well-worn joke about a learner whose host praised his wife's beauty; he replied 哪里哪里 hearing it as the question "where?", so the flustered host answered "全身都漂亮" — "beautiful all over." The point survives the joke: 哪里哪里 is a frozen deflection meaning "you flatter me," not a request for specifics.

Answering thanks: not 谢谢

When someone thanks you, the reply is not another 谢谢 (a very common beginner error, transferred from languages where "you're welcome" echoes "thanks"). The standard replies wave the thanks away:

Reply to thanks	Pinyin	Sense
不客气	bú kèqi	"you're welcome" (default)
不谢	búxiè	"no need to thank me" (casual, clipped)
没什么	méi shénme	"it was nothing"
没事儿	méishìr	"no problem" (colloquial, northern)
应该的	yīnggāi de	"it was the least I could do / my duty"

The most useful is 不客气 (bú kèqi), "don't be polite" — i.e. no need to stand on ceremony. 应该的 (yīnggāi de) is worth knowing: it says "that was only right of me," the graceful reply when you've done a favour you feel you ought to have done.

——谢谢你帮我搬东西。——不客气，举手之劳。

— xièxie nǐ bāng wǒ bān dōngxi. — bú kèqi, jǔshǒu zhī láo.

— Thanks for helping me move my stuff. — You're welcome, it was no trouble at all. (neutral) — 不客气 plus a modest tag.

——太谢谢您了，麻烦您了。——应该的，别客气。

— tài xièxie nín le, máfan nín le. — yīnggāi de, bié kèqi.

— Thank you so much, sorry to trouble you. — It was the least I could do — don't mention it. (formal) — 应该的 frames the help as a duty.

Putting a guest at ease: 别客气

Turned toward a guest, 客气 becomes something you tell them to stop doing. 别客气 (bié kèqi) "don't stand on ceremony" and 你太客气了 (nǐ tài kèqi le) "you're being too polite" are what a host says when a visitor is being over-formal — declining food, apologising for imposing, or bringing an unnecessary gift.

别客气，就当在自己家一样，多吃点。

bié kèqi, jiù dàng zài zìjǐ jiā yíyàng, duō chī diǎn.

Don't be shy — make yourself at home and eat up. (informal) — the classic host's line at the dinner table.

你太客气了，来就来嘛，还带什么礼物。

nǐ tài kèqi le, lái jiù lái ma, hái dài shénme lǐwù.

You really shouldn't have — just coming is enough, why bring a gift? (informal) — the ritual protest at a guest's gift.

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客气 has two faces. Turned on yourself it means being modest and formal (哪里哪里, 不客气). Turned on a guest it becomes a mild reproach — 别客气, 你太客气了 — telling them to relax and drop the formality. Same word, opposite instruction, depending on who it points at.

Is this still how people talk?

Honestly, the culture is shifting. Among younger urban speakers, simply saying 谢谢 to a compliment — or 谢谢夸奖 (xièxie kuājiǎng) "thanks for the kind words" — is increasingly normal and no longer sounds arrogant, and 哪里哪里 can feel a shade formal or even ironic between friends. What has not changed is that answering thanks with 不客气 (never 谢谢) is rock-solid, and that over-accepting lavish praise still reads as immodest. Treat the deflection scripts as tools you can dial up in formal or intergenerational settings and dial down with peers. The deeper cultural logic — face, modesty, the give-and-take of politeness — is on 客气 politeness and the general set-phrase inventory on social formulae.

——你今天穿得真好看！——谢谢，你眼光真好。

— nǐ jīntiān chuān de zhēn hǎokàn! — xièxie, nǐ yǎnguāng zhēn hǎo.

— You look great today! — Thanks, you've got good taste. (informal) — the modern, accept-and-return move among younger friends.

Common Mistakes

1. Answering thanks with 谢谢. "You're welcome" is 不客气, never an echoed "thank you."

❌ ——谢谢你！——谢谢。

Wrong — you don't echo the thanks; the reply is 不客气.

✅ ——谢谢你！——不客气。

— xièxie nǐ! — bú kèqi.

— Thank you! — You're welcome. — the standard reply to thanks.

2. Taking 哪里哪里 literally as "where?" It's a frozen modesty formula meaning "you flatter me," not a question.

❌ ——你钢琴弹得真好。——哪里？（我弹的是哪一段？）

Misparsed — 哪里哪里 here means 'oh, hardly,' not a literal 'where?'

✅ ——你钢琴弹得真好。——哪里哪里，练得还不够。

— nǐ gāngqín tán de zhēn hǎo. — nǎlǐ nǎlǐ, liàn de hái búgòu.

— You play the piano beautifully. — Oh, you flatter me, I haven't practised enough. — the deflection working as intended.

3. Flatly agreeing with a compliment. Banking praise outright — 对，我做得很好 — sounds boastful; deflect or downplay it.

❌ ——你做的菜真好吃。——对，我做得很好。

Reads as boastful — a modest deflection is expected, e.g. 没有没有.

✅ ——你做的菜真好吃。——没有啦，你喜欢就好。

— nǐ zuò de cài zhēn hǎochī. — méiyǒu la, nǐ xǐhuan jiù hǎo.

— Your cooking is delicious. — Oh, it's nothing — I'm just glad you like it. — downplays, then warms.

4. Mixing up 客气 pointed at yourself vs. at a guest. 别客气 is for the other person; you don't say it about your own modesty.

❌ （婉拒别人的夸奖时说）别客气。

Misused — 别客气 tells the OTHER person to relax; deflect praise with 哪里哪里 / 过奖了 instead.

✅ 你别客气，把这儿当自己家。

nǐ bié kèqi, bǎ zhèr dàng zìjǐ jiā.

Don't stand on ceremony — treat this place as your own home. — 别客气 correctly aimed at the guest.

Key Takeaways

客气话 are scripted modesty formulas; Chinese politeness often deflects praise where English accepts it.
Deflect a compliment with 哪里哪里 / 过奖了 / 没有没有 (downplaying), not by agreeing outright.
Answer thanks with 不客气 / 没什么 / 应该的 — never with an echoed 谢谢.
Toward a guest, 客气 flips: 别客气 / 你太客气了 tell them to relax and drop the formality.
The rituals are softening among younger speakers (a plain 谢谢 to a compliment is now fine), but 不客气 for thanks and modesty about lavish praise remain safe defaults.

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