Some hitpa'el verbs describe an event that takes two: writing to each other, arguing, kissing, getting married, getting divorced, making up. The "each other" is inside the verb, which has two consequences — the sentence needs a plural subject or a named partner, and there is no object slot for anything to fill.
Two frames, and Hebrew makes you pick one
Frame 1 — everyone inside the subject. The verb then stands alone with nothing after it.
הם התווכחו על החשבון עשרים דקות ובסוף שילמו חצי חצי.
hem hitvakhú al hakheshbón esrím dakót uvasóf shilmú khatsí khatsí
They argued about the bill for twenty minutes and in the end split it.
הם התגרשו לפני שנתיים ועדיין גרים באותו בניין.
hem hitgarshú lifnéi shnatáyim va'adáyin garím be'otó binyán
They divorced two years ago and they still live in the same building.
Frame 2 — one party is the subject, the other arrives on a preposition. The verb form does not change at all; only the phrase after it appears.
התכתבתי איתה כל הקיץ ואז היא פשוט הפסיקה לענות.
hitkatávti itá kol hakáyits ve'áz hi pashút hifsíka la'anót
I wrote back and forth with her all summer and then she just stopped replying.
היא התגרשה ממנו אחרי אחת עשרה שנה.
hi hitgarshá miménu akharéi akhát esré shaná
She divorced him after eleven years.
Notice what frame 2 is not: it is not the verb acquiring an object. הִתְגָּרְשָׁה מִמֶּנּוּ has a preposition, not an accusative, and that is true of every verb on this page.
The preposition, per verb, and what a dictionary will actually vouch for
There is no rule here. Each verb carries its own preposition and you learn it with the word. What is worth separating is what a dictionary prints as the verb's government and what merely turns up in its example sentences — the first is a citation, the second is an observation about usage, and the two should not be dressed the same way.
† marks a government printed inside the entry itself.
| Verb | Partner marked by | What the source actually says |
|---|---|---|
| הִתְחַתֵּן get married | עם † | Pealim prints (עם); Milog heads a whole sense "התחתן עם" |
| הִתְיָיעֵץ consult | עם † | Pealim prints (עם) |
| הִתְגָּרֵשׁ get divorced | מ־ · מן † | Pealim prints (מן) |
| הִתְכַּתֵּב correspond | עם | not listed as government — but every dictionary example uses it |
| הִתְוַוכֵּחַ argue | עם the person · על the topic | same: shown in examples, not stated as government |
| הִתְנַשֵּׁק kiss | plural subject | entered by definition alone; no preposition given |
| הִתְחַבֵּק hug | plural subject | same |
| הִתְפַּיֵּיס make up, be reconciled | plural subject | same |
אחותי התחתנה עם מישהו שהכירה בטיול בפרו.
akhotí hitkhatná im míshehu shehikíra betiyúl bepéru
My sister married someone she met on a trip in Peru.
התייעצתי עם עורך דין לפני שחתמתי, וטוב שכך.
hitya'átsti im orékh din lifnéi shekhatámti, vetóv shekákh
I consulted a lawyer before I signed, and just as well.
הסבים התחבקו בשדה התעופה ולא הצליחו להגיד מילה.
hasavím hitkhabkú bisdé hate'ufá veló hitslíkhu lehagíd milá
The grandfathers hugged at the airport and couldn't get a word out.
הם התנשקו ליד המונית והוא נסע בלי להסתכל אחורה.
hem hitnashkú leyád hamonít vehú nasá bli lehistakél akhóra
They kissed by the taxi and he drove off without looking back.
הם לא דיברו שנה שלמה ובסוף התפייסו בלי שאף אחד ביקש סליחה.
hem lo dibrú shaná shlemá uvasóf hitpaysú bli she'áf ekhád bikésh slikhá
They didn't speak for a whole year and in the end made up without anyone apologising.
When the verb is not reciprocal: זה את זה and its family
Most Hebrew verbs are ordinary transitives, and for them the reciprocity has to be built outside the verb. Hebrew has a small set of phrases for this, all built the same way — a pair of pronouns with the verb's own preposition between them. None of them is a corruption of another; they are alternatives, and the choice between the first two series is register and rhythm rather than right and wrong.
| Phrase | Reading | How common in he.wikipedia |
|---|---|---|
| זֶה אֶת זֶה · זֶה לָזֶה · זֶה עִם זֶה | each other, with the verb's own preposition in the middle | the commonest series, and זה לזה is the commonest phrase on this table |
| אֶחָד אֶת הַשֵּׁנִי · אֶחָד לַשֵּׁנִי · אֶחָד עִם הַשֵּׁנִי | the same, built on "one" and "the second" | ordinary and unmarked, roughly a third as common as the זה series |
| אַחַת אֶת הַשְּׁנִיָּיה | the feminine version, for two women or two feminine nouns | much rarer than either, since it needs two feminine referents |
| אִישׁ אֶת רֵעֵהוּ · אִישׁ אֶת אָחִיו | literally "a man his fellow / his brother" | 102 and 14 pages — two orders of magnitude down — (literary/Biblical) |
Both of the first two rows are ordinary modern Hebrew and neither is marked. In the deliberately formal corpus of Hebrew Wikipedia the זה series leads the אחד series by somewhere between two and three to one on repeated counts, which is worth knowing when you are writing rather than speaking.
That range is deliberate. Wikipedia's regex search abandons a very common string part-way through and reports what it found by then, so the same query returns 1,264 pages one hour and 814 the next — the ratio between two series holds up across runs, the absolute totals do not. Rare strings are a different matter: איש את רעהו returns 102 and איש את אחיו 14 every time (August 2026), which is why those two get printed as figures and the rest do not.
The preposition in the middle is not decorative — it is the one the verb would take anyway. עזר takes ל־, so helping each other is עוזרים זה לזה; הכיר takes את, so knowing each other is מכירים אחד את השני.
השכנים בבניין שלנו עוזרים זה לזה עם החנייה.
hashkhením babinyán shelánu ozrím ze lazé im hakhanayá
The neighbours in our building help each other out with the parking.
הם מכירים אחד את השני מהצבא ועדיין מדברים כל שבוע.
hem makirím ekhád et hashení mehatsavá va'adáyin medabrím kol shavúa
They've known each other since the army and they still talk every week.
הן לא סובלות אחת את השנייה אבל עובדות באותו חדר.
hen lo sovlót akhát et hashniyá avál ovdót be'otó khéder
They can't stand each other but they work in the same room.
דברו אמת איש את־רעהו
dabrú emét ish et re'éhu
Speak the truth to one another — Zechariah 8:16. (literary/Biblical — the phrase is still written today, on 102 pages of Hebrew Wikipedia, but in elevated or scriptural registers rather than in ordinary prose.)
Do not bolt "each other" onto a verb that already has it
This is the habit English speakers arrive with: התנשקו already is "they kissed each other", so אחד את השני is being asked to fill a slot the binyan has closed. The combination is not ungrammatical — which is why it is not marked as an error below — but as a default it is redundant, and in writing it reads as padding.
הם התחבקו והלכו כל אחד לכיוון אחר.
hem hitkhabkú vehalkhú kol ekhád lekhivún akhér
They hugged and each went off in a different direction. (the ordinary way to say it)
הם חיבקו אחד את השני והלכו כל אחד לכיוון אחר.
hem khibkú ekhád et hashení vehalkhú kol ekhád lekhivún akhér
They hugged each other and each went off in a different direction. (grammatical too — but here the transitive pi'el חיבק needs the phrase, because it does not carry reciprocity itself)
The other reciprocal binyan
nif'al hosts a small set of reciprocals of its own — נִפְגַּשׁ, נִלְחַם, נֶאֱבַק, נִפְרַד — and the two binyanim do not compete. They have divided the vocabulary lexically: each verb belongs to one of them and there is no choice to make. You cannot build *התפגש, and נכתב is not the reciprocal of writing but the passive "was written". The full nif'al set is on nif'al's reciprocals, and the way the two binyanim divide the wider field is on choosing between nif'al and hitpa'el.
אנחנו נפגשים כל חודש, ובכל פעם מישהו אחר לא מגיע.
anákhnu nifgashím kol khódesh, uvekhól pá'am míshehu akhér lo magía
We meet up every month, and every time it's somebody else who doesn't show.
One argument, start to finish
התווכחנו על שטות והפסקנו לדבר לשבוע שלם.
hitvakákhnu al shtut vehifsáknu ledabér leshavúa shalém
We had a row over something stupid and stopped speaking for a whole week.
בסוף אמא התערבה ונאלצנו להתפייס.
basóf íma hit'arvá vene'elátsnu lehitpayés
In the end our mother stepped in and we had to make up.
Common Mistakes
1. Making התחתן transitive. English marry someone has a direct object; Hebrew's verb never does.
❌ היא התחתנה את השכן שלה מהקומה השנייה
Incorrect — התחתן takes no direct object. The other party arrives with עם, which both Pealim and Milog print in the entry: התחתנה עם השכן שלה.
✅ הם התחתנו בקפריסין ועשו מסיבה רק אחרי חצי שנה.
hem hitkhatnú bekafrisín ve'asú mesibá rak akharéi khatsí shaná
They got married in Cyprus and only threw a party six months later.
2. Making התגרש transitive. Same error, and here even the preposition is a surprise: it is not עם but מ־.
❌ הוא התגרש את אשתו לפני שנתיים
Incorrect — התגרש takes no object, and Pealim prints its government as מן. Either put both parties in the subject (הם התגרשו) or write הוא התגרש מאשתו.
✅ הוא התגרש מאשתו אבל ממשיך לבוא לכל חג אצל ההורים שלה.
hu hitgarésh me'ishtó avál mamshíkh lavó lekhól khag étsel hahorím shelá
He divorced his wife but he still comes to every holiday at her parents'.
3. Making התייעץ transitive. English consult a lawyer again supplies a bare object.
❌ התייעצתי את רואת חשבון לפני שפתחתי עסק
Incorrect — התייעץ never takes an object; Pealim prints עם inside the entry. התייעצתי עם רואת חשבון.
✅ התייעצתי עם רואת חשבון והיא אמרה לי לחכות עוד שנה.
hitya'átsti im ro'át kheshbón vehí amrá li lekhakót od shaná
I consulted an accountant and she told me to wait another year.
4. Making התכתב transitive. I messaged him is transitive in English and in no register of Hebrew.
❌ התכתבתי אותו כל השבוע והוא לא ענה
Incorrect — התכתב is intransitive. The other party takes עם or its suffixed form איתו, which is what every dictionary example of the verb shows: התכתבתי איתו.
✅ התכתבנו כל השבוע ובסוף החלטנו פשוט להיפגש.
hitkatávnu kol hashavúa uvasóf hekhlátnu pashút lehipagésh
We messaged back and forth all week and in the end we just decided to meet.
Key Takeaways
- Reciprocal hitpa'el needs a plural subject (הם התגרשו) or a partner on a preposition (התגרשה ממנו). Never an object: these verbs are intransitive in both frames.
- The preposition is per verb, and the dictionaries commit to only some of them. Printed as government: התחתן עם, התייעץ עם, התגרש מן. Shown only in examples: התכתב עם, התווכח עם / על. Not stated at all: התנשק, התחבק, התפייס — for which the plural-subject frame is the safe one, though עם is well attested in real Hebrew.
- For verbs that are not reciprocal, the meaning is built outside: זה את זה / זה לזה / זה עם זה and אחד את השני / אחד לשני — both unmarked, with the זה series two to three times commoner in formal writing — plus feminine אחת את השנייה and the (literary/Biblical) איש את רעהו.
- The preposition inside those phrases is the verb's own — עוזרים זה לזה, מכירים אחד את השני.
- Do not add אחד את השני to a verb that is already reciprocal. It is not ungrammatical, but as a default it is padding — התחבקו, not חיבקו אחד את השני, unless you are deliberately using the transitive pi'el.
- nif'al has its own small reciprocal set (נפגש, נלחם, נאבק, נפרד). The two binyanim divide the vocabulary lexically; there is nothing to choose between them.
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Start learning Hebrew →Related Topics
- Reciprocal Nif'al: נפגשנו, נלחמו, נדברנוC1 — A small closed set of nif'al verbs describes two parties acting on each other — and each of them governs a preposition you have to learn with the verb, because נפגש takes עם and never את, while נלחם spreads across four prepositions with a real difference in meaning.
- בניין התפעל: Reflexive, Reciprocal, ProcessA2 — The one binyan you can spot from across the room — הת in the past and infinitive, מת in the present — with the two exceptions that ruin the trick: מתחיל, which is not hitpa'el at all, and מסתכל, which is hitpa'el with its ת moved.