Small-Talk Phrases and Social Formulas

Every language has a set of social formulas that aren't really "said" so much as exchanged — you give one, the other person gives one back, and the social machinery turns. In Dutch these are largely fixed, and several of them carve up situations differently from English. Most strikingly, Dutch has separate one-word well-wishes for facing hardship, facing a challenge, recovering from illness, a birthday, and a death — where English mostly recycles "good luck" and "take care." Getting these right is high-leverage: they're short, frequent, and instantly mark you as someone who knows how things are done.

How are you? — and how to answer

The standard opener is Hoe gaat het? ("how goes it?"), or the warmer Hoe gaat het met je/jou? ("how's it going with you?"). Unlike English "how are you?", which is often a pure greeting expecting no real answer, the Dutch version invites at least a brief genuine reply. The expected response is Goed, en met jou? ("good, and with you?") — and you almost always bounce the question back.

Hé, hoe gaat het met je?

Hey, how are you doing? (the standard, friendly opener)

Goed hoor, en met jou?

Good, thanks — and you? (note 'hoor', a soft reassuring particle, and bouncing the question back)

Het gaat wel, druk met werk.

I'm okay, busy with work. ('het gaat wel' = so-so, not great but fine — a very common honest answer)

💡
In formal settings use the polite u: Hoe gaat het met u? With friends, met je or met jou is normal. The answer almost always returns the question — leaving it out can feel curt.

Long time no see, and passing on regards

Lang niet gezien! ("long not seen!") is the exact Dutch counterpart of "long time no see" — a warm thing to say when you run into someone after a while.

To send regards through someone, Dutch uses Doe de groeten aan… ("do the greetings to…") or, more casually, Doe ze de groeten ("say hi to them"). This is the standard way to pass on a hello to a person who isn't present.

Hé, lang niet gezien! Hoe is het met je?

Hey, long time no see! How have you been? (lang niet gezien = long time no see)

Doe de groeten aan je ouders!

Say hi to your parents for me! (doe de groeten aan… = pass on my regards to…)

Ik ga ervandoor — doe Lisa de groeten.

I'm off — say hi to Lisa for me.

Goodbyes: tot ziens, tot gauw, het beste

Dutch goodbyes come graded by how soon you expect to meet again. Tot ziens ("until seeing") is the neutral, slightly formal "goodbye." Tot gauw / tot snel ("until soon") implies you'll meet again soon. Het beste! ("the best!") is a warm parting wish — "all the best / take care," often used when you won't see someone for a while.

DutchMeaningWhen
Tot ziensgoodbyeneutral, slightly formal
Tot gauw / tot snelsee you soonyou expect to meet again shortly
Dag / doeibyedag and the chattier doei are the casual everyday byes
Het beste!all the best, take carewarm parting, longer absence

Tot ziens, en bedankt voor alles!

Goodbye, and thanks for everything! (tot ziens = neutral goodbye)

Ik moet gaan — tot gauw!

I have to go — see you soon!

Het beste met je nieuwe baan!

All the best with your new job! (het beste = take care / all the best)

The well-wishes English doesn't separate

Here is the high-value part. English mostly says "good luck" and "take care"; Dutch has distinct, non-interchangeable words depending on the situation.

DutchUse it for…English
Succes!a challenge, test, interview — something you can do well atgood luck! (you can succeed)
Sterkte!hardship, grief, a tough stretch — something to endurebe strong / hang in there
Beterschap!someone who is illget well soon
Gefeliciteerd!a birthday, wedding, achievementcongratulations
Gecondoleerda death, to the bereavedmy condolences

The key split is Succes vs Sterkte. Succes is for things you can win — an exam, a job interview, a match. Sterkte is for things you can only get through — an illness in the family, a funeral, a hard period. Wishing someone succes at a funeral would be jarring; wishing them sterkte before a job interview implies you expect it to be an ordeal.

Heel veel succes met je sollicitatiegesprek morgen!

The best of luck with your job interview tomorrow! (succes = good luck for a challenge you can ace)

Wat verschrikkelijk van je vader. Heel veel sterkte.

How awful about your father. Be strong / my thoughts are with you. (sterkte = strength to get through hardship)

Ik hoorde dat je griep hebt — beterschap!

I heard you've got the flu — get well soon! (beterschap = get well)

Gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag!

Happy birthday! (lit. 'congratulations on your birthday' — note 'met' for what you're congratulated on)

Gecondoleerd met het verlies van je moeder.

My condolences on the loss of your mother. (gecondoleerd = condolences, said to the bereaved)

💡
At a Dutch birthday, you congratulate not just the birthday person but often their close family too — Gefeliciteerd met je zus! ("congrats on your sister['s birthday]"). And the wish takes met: gefeliciteerd met…, gecondoleerd met….

Common Mistakes

❌ Sterkte met je examen!

Incorrect for an exam — 'sterkte' is for hardship/endurance. An exam is a challenge you can ace, so use 'succes'.

✅ Succes met je examen!

Good luck with your exam!

❌ Succes met de begrafenis van je oma.

Incorrect — wishing 'success' at a funeral is jarring. For grief and hardship use 'sterkte'.

✅ Heel veel sterkte met het verlies van je oma.

My deepest sympathy on the loss of your grandmother.

❌ Hoe gaat het? — Goed.

Not wrong, but incomplete — Dutch almost always bounces the question back. Add 'en met jou?'.

✅ Hoe gaat het? — Goed, en met jou?

How are you? — Good, and you?

❌ Gefeliciteerd voor je verjaardag!

Wrong preposition — you congratulate someone WITH the occasion: 'gefeliciteerd met', not 'voor'.

✅ Gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag!

Happy birthday!

❌ Doe de groeten naar je ouders.

Wrong preposition — regards go 'aan' someone, not 'naar': 'doe de groeten aan…'.

✅ Doe de groeten aan je ouders.

Say hi to your parents for me.

Key Takeaways

  • Hoe gaat het (met je)? invites a brief real answer; the standard reply bounces the question back: Goed, en met jou?
  • Succes is for challenges you can win; Sterkte is for hardship you can only endure — never swap these.
  • Beterschap = get well, Gefeliciteerd = congratulations, Gecondoleerd = condolences; the last two take met for the occasion.
  • Goodbyes are graded: tot ziens (neutral), tot gauw/snel (soon), het beste (take care, longer absence), dag (casual).
  • Pass on regards with doe de groeten aan… (preposition aan, not naar).

Now practice Dutch

Reading grammar gets you part of the way. The exercises are where it sticks — free, no signup needed.

Start learning Dutch

Related Topics

  • Dutch Expressions and Idioms: OverviewA2An orientation to Dutch fixed expressions: uitdrukkingen (idioms), gezegden and spreekwoorden (sayings and proverbs), and vaste verbindingen (fixed collocations). Why they don't translate word for word, the recurring themes Dutch idioms draw on (body parts, animals, food, weather, water and the sea), why their form is frozen and can't be altered, how register varies, and a preview of the idiom pages in this group.
  • Food and Meal ExpressionsA2The phrases that surround eating in Dutch: 'eet smakelijk!' and 'aan tafel!', the difference between 'trek hebben' and 'honger hebben', what 'lekker' really covers, and a set of food idioms that have nothing to do with food — 'voor een appel en een ei' (dirt cheap), 'appeltje-eitje' (a piece of cake), 'zoete broodjes bakken' (to grovel), 'ergens geen brood in zien' (to see no future in something).
  • Expressing Feelings and StatesA2From the plain adjectives (blij, boos, verdrietig, bang zijn) to the vivid idioms Dutch speakers actually reach for: in de wolken zijn (over the moon), in je nopjes zijn (chuffed), balen van (be fed up), de pest in hebben (be annoyed), door het lint gaan (lose it), op je tenen lopen (be on edge), het zit me niet lekker (it bothers me), lekker in je vel zitten (feel good in yourself). The page sorts these by 'zijn' vs 'hebben' vs 'zitten', because picking the wrong support verb — de pest in HEBBEN, not zijn — is the classic error.
  • Expressing OpinionsB1How to say what you think in Dutch and place the words correctly: 'Ik vind dat…' vs 'Ik denk dat…' (the vinden/denken split English blurs), the register ladder from casual 'volgens mij' up to formal 'ik ben van mening dat', and the two word-order rules that trip everyone up — verb-final in the dat-clause, and inversion after a fronted phrase like 'naar mijn mening'.